I don't know how long I stayed there, quivering. I let every emotion run its course, eventually gaining some awareness.
Ana was beside me, patting my back, and I let her do it.
I was tired, overwhelmingly so after the barrage of emotions, too tired to push away offered strength.
"It's...It's alright," she muttered awkwardly.
I wasn't tired enough to actively take it though. I crawled away. "Leave me alone," I growled.
She sighed, sounding exasperated. I couldn't quite make myself care.
"We'll get out of here," she said plainly.
Hadn't I just said that? Had it been minutes ago that I had told her we would be fine? Could it be hours or a day even? We will not, and you know it...I don't stand a chance without my magic, I thought viciously, hoping it would cause her pain. And there I went punishing the innocent girl again.
"Then teach me," she said with a hint of fire in her voice.
I scoffed, opened my mouth to tell her in how many ways that was a stupid idea. I froze. "What?" I demanded, turning to her to read her face.
"Teach me," she repeated, slower.
My mind jumped at the thought, but I reigned it in. Rekard will just use your magic against you. "You're too stupid to learn," I spat, feeling some comfort at the mock hatred.
"What he doesn't know," she whispered and yawned, "...won't hurt me."
I raised my eyebrows, shaking my head. "He'll figure it out."
"I'm good at playing dumb."
I glared at her. I glared at her because I really wanted to hug her. I glared at her because it was a damn good plan, and I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of it. I glared at her because it's hard to face the bright light of hope again in the pits of despair. I glared at her because most of me really wanted to accept her plan, but the moral part refused to allow it. I won't let her risk it.
She frowned at me much as I was frowning at her. "I'm offering myself up."
"I don't care," I said blatantly and ran a hand over my face because I so wanted to begin teaching her at that very moment. "You're my responsibility. I can't be throwing you to the rabid dog to protect myself."
She looked at me as if I had lost my mind which was a look I was probably getting frequently. "So... Instead of you teaching me and me learning we're just going to wait for Rekard to come and kill us."
I had no answer for that. My mouth opened and closed. I'm sure I played a marvelous idiot. "Fine," I snapped when my brain refused to find an answer that was more logical than the faulty one I had just spit out.
She smirked smugly, and I pretended to ignore her.
I took off my shoe and threw it across the room, sitting crisscross on the floor. "We'll work on Blue powers, powers of the mind. Blues are constantly searching for information. I was half Blue before I began the search to master all of the colors." I winced at a thought that had just ran across my mind: she would have been open to every emotion I had felt during my episode. Of course, that was one of the things that had set me off, but I hadn't cared about Ana during my fit. I'm sorry, I thought, too proud to say it. I half hoped I had thought it too quietly for her to hear. "I was also half Red if you didn't just figure that out." I raised a finger as she opened her mouth, smiling to make it friendly rather than demeaning, and continued, "That is strange. They are enemy colors. It's a bit of a psychological disaster sometimes. I've worked very hard to repress my Red. As you saw just a few moments ago and in Rekard, it's not the best color to have if you don't have it on a tight leash." I raised my eyebrows as a question for understanding and got a nod. "I want you to move that shoe from that end of the room to me..."
She waited for more.
I waited as well.
"Aren't you going to tell me how?" she finally asked, irritated.
I grinned. "I think I'll let you figure it out."
She gave me an unbelieving look.
I shrugged. "That's what your dad told me when I asked him to teach me."
"What if... I actually figure it out."
"I'll know." I'll stop you. "Not that you're smart enough to figure it out," I added in what she would most likely take for a sarcastic mean sneer after all of the crap I had said to her, but had more of a playful connotation in my mind.
She would get it. I hoped it would take her a little more than a few moments to figure it out. It had taken me three days to get close enough to make Derik tell me... I settled back against the wall as she directed a focused stare to the boot.
Spoiler
Give me until Monday to do Lya. I thought I would post what I had finished. I won't have computer access on Sunday.
