A Matter of Endearments

[Needs a little work - friendly fire anyone?]

the only difference between love and obsession
is the quality of the threads that hold dual world abreast -
whether when struck they symphonically sing
or hum like garotte wire strung tight for the kill;
whether they shine like spider's silk or morning-messed hair;
whether when woven they envelope or enmesh.

by the light of this lamp (golden as only artifice can be)
I could count on both hands your many smiles,
and draw the way you clasped your hands just so,
and recite the lines I heard you practice, replacing
her name with mine.

I could.

I could listen to your favorite song a dozen times
and claim it as my own, just for having fallen on your ears;
I could call back the memory of skin on skin,
of you taking my hand in yours;
I could imitate your laugh or hers you like hers
so dearly I could do that if I tried -
I could -

I could twist this vassal's rope back and forth
and feel the fibers break beneath my hands.

and in the light of this lamp here and now I forswear
the endearments I crafted with such love over the years,
and in the place of that cramped list, write
just one -
beginning with 'false,'
ending with 'hope.'

The syntax is beautiful, and there is a lot of metaphoric imagery that makes this poem interesting. I like it.

A beaut Fand! I loved the flowing language. It was kind of long-winded in a way, but you did a very nice job on it. Sorry I can't give a longer crit, but I g2g.

Overall I really liked this. The repetition worked, for the most part, but I didn't like the last line of the first stanza (it seems a little choppy) and the "I could" with a hyphen following it was a bit much.

I loved the last stanza. Great way to end the poem. Overall, good job. *gives thumbs up*

I could imitate your laugh or hers you like hers
so dearly I could do that if I tried -

This line confuses me. I've said it out loud a few times and I still can't put it together.

Other than that, I loved the metaphors. I liked the repetition of 'I could.'

Thanks for all the crit, guys!

the only difference between love and obsession
is the quality of the threads that hold dual world abreast -
Awesome beginning, beautiful image.

whether when struck they symphonically sing
or hum like garotte wire strung tight for the kill;
I had to read this bit a couple times to make sense of it. Maybe you could say
'whether they sing symphonically when struck
or hum like garotte wire strung for the kill;'
The rearranged structure and fewer syllables seems to make it a bit clearer, but then again it doesn't sound nearly as good. But I'm sure you could come up with something better. Maybe I'm the only one confused by those line anyway.

by the light of this lamp (golden as only artifice can be)
I could count on both hands your many smiles,
and draw the way you clasped your hands just so,
and recite the lines I heard you practice, replacing
her name with mine.
My favorite stanza. It's beautiful.

I could imitate your laugh or hers you like hers
This line might be clearer if you said
'I could imitate your laugh or hers because you like hers' , or even just put a comma or a dash between 'hers' and 'you'.

so dearly I could do that if I tried -\
I think I know what you mean here. It might be easier to tell if you said 'easily' or 'willingly' in place of 'dearly'.

I could twist this vassal's rope back and forth
and feel the fibers break beneath my hands.
Strong, surprising image.

and in the light of this lamp here and now I forswear
'and in this lamplight' would flow better than 'and in the light of this lamp'

beginning with 'false,'
ending with 'hope.'
A great ending, beautiful and sad.

Just suggestions, of course . This poem is very original and true. I really like it.