New Story Idea... Your Comments Please?

Raina Elizabeth Thomas. A new year, a new snobby prep school. She wished with all her heart she had been transferred to a public school. But no. The only reason she is in this ill-fitting uniform is because her grandfather didn't want to take care of her after her mom had the... No. Raina thought hurriedly, shaking her long, bright red hair. Don't think about that. You will just feel worse... But already the horror she had only read about in bad books replayed itself in her unwilling mind.
She walked into her house, unlocked as usual. It had been a rough day at school and she wanted to curl up and complain to her mom, again. This year had been rough... She laid down her heavy bag (ugh, loads of homework this weekend), checked her reflection in the mirror above her desk, and strode out of her room. She walked down the hall, and timidly knocked on her mother's door...
Raina blinked her large eyes, which as of late had taken on huge and dark bags under the startling green orbs. She shook herself again, upset she had allowed herself even that much freedom with her mind. She addressed her surroundings, and noticed a sign reading "Guidance Office -> [i]I suppose that's where I should go...[i] she pondered. She headed off in that direction, hoping to figure out her schedule. They hadn't even had the decency to mail her the schedule or which dorm she would be staying in.
[i]Well, here goes nothing![i] Raina steeled herself. She swung open the double doors to the Guidance Office and saw the one thing that would make her next two years of what she assumed would be hell more bearable.... Him. Obviously a teacher, and a very attractive one at that. Every part of his essence captivated her, like a sunflower is captivated with the sun. Raina could swear she felt a gravitational pull towards him, and she had the strong suspicion that she would attach herself to him if it weren't for her wobbly knees.
...to be continued, if anyone so wishes...

Suggestions? Is it bad? Don't be afraid to hurt feelings, I want honest opinions. Thanks!

Sounds pretty good, depending on what the rest of the story will be about. You've got a good solid base.

Awww.... Thanks, xostermann! Then again, you are my friend. Sure you aren't sugarcoating?

Eh....I...um....no. I wouldn't read this its too....I don't know. The writing is good but the story is...is....unbearable...

Sorry I'm not intending for your feelings to get hurt

And don't quit writing and working on it on my account.

If you continue it, i'll read it. you have a good opening, and multiple plot lines to sprout from. a little advice, let whatever happened to her mother have a bunch of ties with what is happening, and the story will be absolutely irresistable.

Good luck!
LostMagi

I feel that if I found this opening in a book at the library or a book store I wouldn't continue reading this story. That's through no fault of you or your writing. I simply feel that knowing my tastes that I wouldn't be interested as a story such as this. However, I feel that objectively speaking you gave yourself a great place to start writing the rest of the story and could take this tale to places that are quite interesting.

If you continue on posting parts of the story, I'll read these segments and give my advice.

Keep on writing!
Ben Dietz.

Literary Sin #6: NEVER use the words 'startling' or 'orbs' in the same sentence as 'eyes.'

Your writing needs work, but that's alright, that's what yws is for. Write your story anyway, stick it on the forums and get some feedback.

You should never chose to abandon or continue a book based on other people's like or dislike of it, or even be influenced by it, which is why it's best to take both encouragement and critisism with a pinch of salt.

Write what suits you and what interests you the most, and rather than asking for approval through "do you like this" or "would you read this"; approve of yourself regardless of opinions and when talking to others ask "how can I make this better?"

Writing is an art, like woodwork or dance. You can't just strike gold with a good idea because you need the skills to pull it off. You're definately not going to strike gold with any one or random idea, so work with what you've got, what you enjoy, and keep practicing.