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Considerably Sharp Teeth

Doctor Kitty · 2006-08-04T20:47:44Z

[pre] “Damn vampires,” muttered Matthias under his breath. “Honestly, I don't understand why you have a problem with us,” replied Vassis, taking a sip of tea. “We just like to do things differently than your kind.” “I just don't see why we can't go in and stab him...” “Quite. You see, you humans don't realize that you're all much more barbaric than your standard vampire. We tend to keep things clean. Keep things...Surgical.” “Overcomplexity spawns more chance of failure,” sighed Matthias. “And stupidity even more so, so how about we think before acting,” scoffed Vassis, becoming irritated. “Leader told us the kill must happen quick and painless. In, out, and no evidence. You don't want our contract terminated, do you?” “Of course not, I just think you're making it too...” “Genius?” “Actually, I was going to say--” “Good good. Now let's go.” “...Damn vampires.” Matthias and Vassis stepped out into the cold night air. The Square was empty save for the homeless. The two began at a brisk pace down the stone road. “The target lives in the Fourth District,” said Vassis, pulling out their written orders. “Leader needs to work on his handwriting...” “You have a floor plan?” asked Matthias, leaning over to peek at the papers. “Not today.” “Damn.” Vassis coughed and said, “I was thinking we would just go through the back door.” “What happened to your genius plan?” “Oh, don't worry. We're still doing that,” laughed Vassis, showing his fangs. “You're a creepy bastard, you know it?” “You know, your mother said the same exact thing to me before I stabbed her...” “Now, now, I know you wouldn't do that to Mum.” “She did say that when I dropped off my vegetables, though.” “By the way, she told me to tell you they were delicious.” “Give her my regards, then...Ah! Here we are!” They had arrived at a large manor. Torches decorated the front of the house, illuminating the surrounding area. Two men in armor stood at the door, eying Vassis and Matthias. “Aw, damnit. Didn't know this guy had guards,” sighed Matthias, tapping his foot on the stone path. “No matter, we'll just walk away casually then come back and sneak around to the back door,” shoving the orders back into his bag. At that moment one of the guards began walking towards them. “Crap, we're being too conspicuous,” murmured Matthias, looking down at the ground. Vassis ran his hand through his black hair and simply said, “Follow my lead, my friend.” “Can I assist ya two?” yawned the guard. “Ah, yes, we have a delivery for a Mr...Rufus Parliton of Parliton Manor,” declared Vassis coolly. “A package at 3am? I doubt that,” croaked the guard. “No, really! Look,” pressed Vassis, pulling out a small black box from his bag. The moment Matthias saw it he choked. “Sorry. I've got a bit of a cold.” “Here's the package,” said Vassis as he handed it to the guard with a grin. “I'm gonna' hafta check this,” mumbled the guard, examining the box's exterior. “Yes yes. Go ahead. Open it,” smirked the vampire. “Father Mayhal above...” whined Matthias as he scratched his head and looked the other way. The guard eyed the two associates before finally opening the lid. The moment he did so, there was an intense flash of light, accompanied by a shrill, ear-bursting scream. Even the other guard who was still standing at the door was affected quite a bit. By the time the guards had recovered, Matthias and Vassis were gone. “Honestly, I could've thought of something much better to use than the Screech Box,” sighed Matthias. “Eh. I personally thought it was a good idea. We can just buy another, anyway. Alright, we have a few minutes before the guards begin checking around the house.” Matthias and Vassis had already maneuvered their way to the back of the manor. “Okay, let's get this over with.” Vassis peeked into a window before forcing it open. The two quietly slipped inside. “You have the bag?” whispered Matthias. “Always, my friend.” Vassis pulled out a small pouch out of his large bag. The two sneaked through the house until they found the fireplace. Vassis quickly undid the string to the pouch and dumped a fine black powder into the fireplace. They went back the way they came, jumped out the window, and disappeared into the darkness. By morning the two were enjoying their stay in a nice inn miles away from where they were the prior night. They spent their next day relaxing in their comfy chairs, reading, and sipping tea. “You know, you made a big deal about not leaving any evidence and then you go and blow the bastard up. You make no sense,” said Matthias, reclining in his chair. “Ha. I suppose. But listen to this,” began Vassis, talking around the pipe in his mouth, “'This morning, what is left of Rufus Parliton of Laurence Town was found in his manor, surrounded by charred furniture and stripped walls. Nearby residents reported a large explosion in the early hours of the morning. The cause of said explosion has yet to be identified.' Poor Rufus only made the fourth page.” Vassis paused a moment. “Damn, I love my job.” “You're a creepy bastard, you know it?”[/pre]

Sleeping Valor

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Tue Jan 08, 2008 1:36 am

Sleeping Valor says... · Tue Jan 08, 2008 1:36 am

Nice story. Automatically has my seal of aproval because the vampire is funny. *hugs vampires* Var var amusing. I have only one question...

“You're a creepy bastard, you know it?”

...isn't that suposed to be "You're a creepy bastard, you know that?"

(Maybe it's just me since that's how I'm most used to seeing it phrased)

There's more, right?

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