The Forgotten Tale

Gaia · 2006-07-30T03:29:08Z

The Story In a time before our own there lived a young Girl born in a poor village. This village had remained for many centuries in a forest. She lived with her father and her grandmother along with her Mystic fox. In which had 7 tails, and had the power of fire. She had other relatives, but not any that lived very close. This young girl had a heart of gold, and fists of steel. She loved to practice martial arts, which was still being born. She also loved to have adventures; she sometimes would run into some trouble with monsters. But her eyes would turn to cute baby blue, to an enraged flaming red. At this day in time girls were not thought of being very adventurous, but only to help around the house with their mothers. But this girl was different, she soon would begin a new legend. This girl’s name was Kira. Her last name was unknown to her. But one day she swore to find out what it was. One day she had chosen to take another adventure. She had liked to gather relics and other items on her adventures. She had collected necklaces, pottery, and even weapons. “Hey dad I’m going now!” I yelled walking out the small door that my family and I had. “Ok but remember to be careful!” Kira’s dad yelled back trying to ensure her safety. My dad had always tried to ensure my safety. I always would tell him not to worry but he still worried about me due to the death of his wife, or my mother. My mother had been very caring, and adventurous such as myself. The only thing I could remember about her was the lullaby’s she would to sing to me as I grew. “Why do you let her go?” asked my grandmother after I closed the door as she sat in her rocking chair knitting something unknown to my father or me. “What do you mean?” my father returned carving a piece of wood, into something also unknown to me. “I mean why do you let her go on those adventures of hers.” Answered my grandmother still knitting, and not even glancing at my father. “I guess I really don’t know, I guess I just think I should encourage her to go on adventures much as her mother did.” My father said putting down the piece of wood he had held. I’d gotten into town, for I lived out of town, and deeper into the woods. I was quickly greeted by one of my friends, out of the few I had. “Hey Kira!” yelled Kira’s friend, nicely greeting her to town. “Hi Melanie.” I said calmly walking towards my friend. I had chosen not to talk to her since I really wanted to get started on this adventure. I walked right past her and on to the marketplace. Kira had reached the marketplace but the whole area was deserted, there wasn’t one person in sight. She quickly looked up to see two demons with a flame aura surrounding them hovering in the sky. One of the demons noticed her and threw a flame ball at her. She was defenseless because she went to the market to buy a few weapons. Quickly out of nowhere her Mystic fox jumps out and blocks the flame ball. “Zaoshi! Oh thanks a lot Zaoshi, I would’ve been a goner if it wasn’t for you.” Kira said in relief from her Mystic fox named Zaoshi. The demons started to talk old tongue, which was unknown to most people now. All of a sudden the sky went black and meteors started falling rapidly towards me. I could do nothing, but before the meteors hit me there was a blinding light and I fainted. I woke up to what seemed like a bedroom you would find in a castle. I looked around wondering what had happened and where I was. Suddenly the door opened, as it creaked I looked towards the door to notice a tall man about 7 feet. “Ah I see you are awake finally.” Said this tall man that was still unknown to me. Kira didn’t respond to the man and went to sit down on a bed in the room. The bed was very cushiony, she noticed. “My name is Captain Hub.” He said happily walking over to Kira. He sat down on the other side of the bed looking away from her, “So, not much of the talking type, eh?” “No I’m not, now when will I be able to leave.” Kira asked hurriedly as she turned to look at Captain Hub, “And what happened back at the marketplace?” Kira asked not having any memory of what happened, due to her fainting. “You don’t remember? Well there were about one thousand meteors coming for you and I protected you. The demons then disappeared, and I brought you here, and here we are now.” Captain Hub said, while Kira got up and started for the door, where there were two guard standing as stiff as a statue would. These two guards both had halberds at least 7 feet tall. She entered the doorway as the guards crossed their halberds blocking Kira’s way out. “Let me out! Why are they blocking my way?!” She asked in anger getting tired of being in the castle for so long. “I’m afraid I can’t let you go, you had that mystic fox and everyone knows creatures from the outside are forbidden!” He replied back to her, putting a determined look on Kira’s face. “Oh, and before you ask. Your little beast is being executed as we speak.” Captain Hub said with a grin on his face. “What! You’re the beast! If you think you’re going to keep me in here you’re crazy.” Kira said keeping her determined face. Kira then ran across the room trying to get the mounted blade on the wall. She got the mount off the wall but the sword would not release from it. The guards and Captain Hub walked towards her, ready to capture her. She tripped while trying to pull the blade from the mount; one of the guards kicked it out of their way. Kira was cornered against the wall, she noticed an opening from a window. Kira tried to get over there to try to jump down, but Captain Hub blocked the way. Suddenly an arrow came from the window and the three men walking towards her all jumped back. She noticed a dagger attached to the arrow. She grabbed the dagger and unsheathed it; she then gazed toward the window in amazement to what had happened. She quickly charged towards one of the guards, not trying to kill him but to get past him. The guard grunted with a grin, and swung his halberd towards the tiny blade. The dagger started to glow a red mist and the halberd was flung and stuck into the wall across the room. The guards looked in surprise while Kira flew past them hardly noticing the glowing. “You fools she’s getting away!” Captain Hub said as Kira got farther and farther. Kira knew she couldn’t rescue Zaoshi, she would have to keep running and get help. Kira had made it to the ballroom, too bad this room was on the second floor. She had been on the third, she wondered how many floors there were. She looked around, looking to see if the guards had caught up to her. She saw nothing, and continued through the castle. Meanwhile… “Why did you help her?” a voice said questioningly, and looked towards another figure, and clenching a fist. “You know we’re not supposed to meddle.” The voice continued, tensing a little. “I know that, but I just couldn’t bare to see her die.” Another voice answered letting his hands down from a recent cast spell. “Yes, but was it necessary to use magic?” The first voice asked. Two figures stood in the multiple leaves of a tree concealing them. As Kira continued through the castle, she stumbled upon a door, concealed with furs, dust, and robes. She tried opening it, but it was locked. She then sat on her knees, peering through the keyhole. She saw a shadow of something, there was no light in the room, just darkness. All she could see were the things touched by the light of the hallway she was in. She stood back up brushing off some dust from her raggedy old dress. As she stood back up she realized that Captain Hub and the two guards were standing behind her. Chapter 2 Captured! Kira was thrown into the castle cellar. Kira’s arms were bruised from the tight grip from the two guards. She sat awaiting her death, having no hope; all lost from what she had been through. “That’ll teach you. Now you will stay here with no food, nor water. You shall die, and if you try to escape we won’t hold back, we will kill you at first sight.” Captain Hub said, taunting Kira. The two guards closed the cellar door, and left, leaving Kira to die as she sulked. Kira looked around the cellar. It was very dark and damp; she could see bones of earlier victims. But she did see one person still alive. It was a man; he had only raggedy clothes, and looked very hopeless. She could see he had lost all hope, and was being taken over by the darkness. She crawled over too him, too weak to get up and walk over. “Hey mister, are you awake?” Kira asked quietly, siting down looking for an answer. She waited, and waited, but didn’t get an answer; she knelt closer to the man to look at his face. The man had been looking down wards. Immediately a hand flew from the man and stopped Kira before she could get a clear look at him. “What do you want?” the man muttered, letting go of Kira and moving his body to sit the other way. Kira didn’t reply just sat there and looked down at her self. “I was wondering.” Kira muttered back, looking back up at the man. “I was wondering, why you were sent here, to the cellar.” Kira avoided her true question, replacing it with this one. The man cleared his throat and said, “I was sent here for breaking into the castle, the castle over by Shangan.” The man stopped for a moment, trying to remember what had happened. “It was four months ago, and I had been in my own village, Suno. I was looking around the market for some milk for my family.” The man stood up and walked to some bones in the cellar that were chained up to the wall. He grasped the hand of the skeleton. “This, this skeleton is my wife.” The man kneeled down starting to mourn for his beloved one. Kira gasped, and stood up looking away from the man and muttered, “I, I’m sorry.” Suddenly, the cellar door opened, and a guard walked in. “Time for your execution Gale.” The guard walked closer to Gale, and grabbed his arms tightly and dragged him out of the cellar. Kira looked in disgust at the guard and charged towards him with her fists. “What!?” the guard said surprised, letting go of Gale that fell to the floor. The guard quickly grabbed his sword and put it up to Kira’s neck as she stopped running. The guard motioned his sword as to cut Kira’s neck off. Gale quickly stood up and said, “Please, don’t hurt her.” Gale paused for a second and continued, “She’s only a child.” Gale revealed his face to the guard and ended with, “I, I am ready to go.” The guard pulled his sword away from Kira, and sheathed it walking towards Gale. Kira sat down letting out a breath of relief. The guard and Gale started for the cellar door. As Kira sat, she started to remember Gale’s face. It was scarred everywhere, probably due to the many wars we’ve had these past 14 years. Gale dropped something as he stepped out the cellar door. The item fell into the cellar, making a loud noise as it hit the ground. Gale stiffened as the guard looked back into the cellar. Kira quickly started tapping on the wall hard and then looked at the guard. “What? Just tapping here.” Kira said hoping the guard wouldn’t notice the item on the ground. The guard snorted and said, “You better stop that racket, or your execution will be sooner then planned.” Kira tensed at the thought of an execution, she stopped beating on the wall. The cellar door closed, and Kira quickly crawled over to the item. It was round like a ball and very heavy, Kira noticed it was covered in dirt. She crawled over to it, and wiped the dirt off and found it to be solid gold, it had a message in an unknown language engraved into it. Kira tried reading it, but she couldn’t understand it. Kira put the gold ball in one of her few pockets. Kira knew it wouldn’t be long until she was executed, she stood up and wiped the dirt off her dress. She rubbed her eyes; her eyes were getting used to the dark once again from the opening of the cellar door. Kira started pacing back and forward in the cellar, she was thinking of her escape plan. She was comparing her situation now with other situations from her many adventures. Kira closed her eyes as she drifted into her past. In one adventure she encountered a giant snake that guarded a room. When she fought the creature, the room was pitch black, and couldn’t see anything. She fought and fought, but had no luck; she would pant and then dodge the many strikes of the snake’s venomous teeth. The room had small openings in the roof of the room, and she realized that noises were echoing through them. It suddenly came to Kira, see with her ears not eyes. She put her hands to her side, and closed her eyes. Suddenly slithering movement came behind her, she clapped her hands together and jumped backward, hitting the snake in the neck with her hands. The snake was punctured by her strike, the snake flew into the wall of the room. Kira liked this new plan; she ripped a piece of cloth from her skirt. She carefully wrapped the cloth around her eyes, and continued with the fight. The snake recovered and quickly started slithering around the room, to confuse Kira and get a clear strike. The snake carefully swifted to the side of Kira, it stuck it huge fangs out and struck at Kira. Kira maneuvered around the fangs and yanked at one of them, a piece of the fang broke off and she stood in an offensive stance. The snake went into a rage and rapidly started striking with its one and a half fangs. Kira then used the snake’s fang she had acquired and jumped towards the snake- “Hey, you wake up!” a guard commanded in a rough voice. Kira opened her eyes; a guard had a spear faced to her neck. “Finally, now get up and come with me.” The guard stepped back with his spear focused on Kira still, but more intensively now. Kira stood up and walked for the cellar door, the guard followed with the spear closely to her back. The guard behind Kira attached shackles to Kira’s legs. Kira walked out of the cellar, the guard followed closing the cellar door. As the guard closed the door Kira glanced down to the shackles on her legs, the shackles were rusted with a few cracks, but Kira knew that even with the cracks she didn’t have enough strength to break them. The guard locked the door and pushed Kira on the back with his gloved hands. Kira started to walk; the guard did so as well, checking on each cellar that he passed. Kira hesitated as she approached a door at the end of the hallway, the door had a knob made of gold, but the door itself was made out of oak wood. Above the door was a statue of gargoyle reaching out as if it were to grab you. “Keep going knave.” The guard said poking Kira in the back with his spear. Kira grabbed the gold doorknob and opened the door. A large room full of tapestries and doors, it was the foyer she agreed. Kira walked down a flight of stairs, and continued walking. Kira now saw the door to which, her execution would be made, she hesitated as she approached it. In the corner of Kira's eye she saw a figure move within the limited shadows. The guard noticed too and approached the shadows, Kira glanced at the guard, who seemed to be locked in a trance. The guard stepped into the darkness and dissapeared. Kira was baffled, she stepped closer trying to look through the darkness. The darkness grew, everyone around Kira stood still, unable to move. The dark world Kira now stood in, was very frightening, she glanced at the door, that her execution was going to be held. She grabbed the doorknob and stepped through. The guards, the executioner, the raving audience all stood still. Kira saw the figure about to be executed, and quickly ran towards the figure. The figure got closer and closer, she started to recognize the figure. It was the- A figure appeared in front of her through darkness, Kira fell on the ground from being surprised. The figure was covered in darkness, and quickly questioned Kira. "Human! Why are you not frozen in time like your fellows her?" The figure said brutely. "I... I don't know, I was just walking and... and suddenly this mysterious world appeared." Kira said pondering about what the powerful figure said 'frozen in time'. The figure walked toward Kira, noticing what she had in her pocket, he quickly asked, "What is that you hold in your pocket of possesion? Let me see it, now!" The figure held out a hand awaiting the objects view. Kira quickly grabbed the golden ball she recieved earlier, from the cellar, and held it out in view. Suddenly 16 lights emitted from the golden ball, all with their own symbol. The lights hit the figure which hissed and jumped in midair and stood hovering. The figure stood still and quiet in midair, as the lights started to fade. The lights from the Golden ball struck the gloomy sky, tearing the sky in many directions and ways. The figure of darkness started to clench the his right arm, darkness appeared around him as he dissapeared with the world of chaos. Noticing, everyone was unfrozen, she quickly hid the golden ball in her pocket. She then glanced back at the person about to be executed, it was Gale! She ran over to try and stop the execution, but it had been to late, a large halberd swung down beheading him. She fell backwards, with fear, and loss of hope, she couldn't speak. Suddenly, Gale's body turned to ash and blew away in the wind. She was confused, but knew the answer, but it was hard to believe. She then came back to reality, as two guards approached her, with their spears out. As they were about to jab her with the tips of the blades, the two guards fell to the ground, leaving a puddle of blood. A large white door opened, a large room it was, like nothing I've ever seen before. We approached a large throne, it glistened of gold, and designs of many colors. A man rose up from the huge throne, with a large cape, and crown of gold. He held a small staff as he stomped it into the ground. We quickly hit the ground bowing to him, the man with the crown smiled and walked up to the visitors. "What is it you want from me, on a fine day as this?", I rose from my bowing, and dug around in my pouch, grabbing a scroll and giving to the crowned person. He read through the scroll, "Damn, and at a time like this.", the crowned man said to himself clearing his throat, "Well I suppose there is only one thing we can do then.", the crowned man grinned. Kira stared at the two dead guards, wondering what just happened, she started to feel dizzy and fell to the ground fainting from exhaustion. She hit the ground slowly shutting her eyes, the last thing she saw was a shadowy figure. She dreamed, dreaming of many battles she has made in the past, and of the new enemies she has made. She tossed and rolled, as a shadowy figure with hands reached over her dream world. Meh, it's somewhat long. >.>;

Nate

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Mon Jul 31, 2006 3:35 pm

Nate says... · Mon Jul 31, 2006 3:35 pm

Gaia wrote:I wasn't intending to be mean, unless you're the type of people, who thinks "Hell", is a bad word. :/

Plus it's hard for me to be nice with the atmosphere of this forum. -_-;

Meh.

When it's used in that manner, yes, "hell" is a bad word.

You published your story here to receive input. If you don't agree with the input, that's fine. But jumping down the throats of other people who took the time out of their day to respond to your piece is destructive only to you. In the future, people will think twice about reviewing anything by you.

This is a warning. Do not use foul language again.

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Roaming Shadow

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Mon Jul 31, 2006 3:57 pm

Roaming Shadow says... · Mon Jul 31, 2006 3:57 pm

Hey Gaia, now, I agree that some of the comments could have been worded better, such as, "Going over the story, the prologue doesn't seem to add anything to the story. Consider revising or find a different way to integrate it into the story". However, being argumentative, insulting, and swearing at people is only going to make you look bad. It'll make people think, "Well, isn't he just a little a**"

. If you don't like a critique, IGNORE IT! Then, just be patient and wait for a more constructive critique. It may take a week, or more, but I'm sure you'll get at least one, and likely more than one.

Just relax and have patience. Think of the phrase "The customer is always right". Now, don't take it too literally, but it is more or less right. Think about it. Okay? :wink:

Gaia

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Mon Jul 31, 2006 7:51 pm

Gaia says... · Mon Jul 31, 2006 7:51 pm

I believe anyone who thinks "Hell" is a bad word, is a person who's scared of hell.

Plus of ever hear of this motto, "I'm an ass, and I'm proud of it"?

Plus jumping down people's throats is a lot of fun. :]

Meh, this forum is in horrible need of a reality check. *Headdesk*

Gazza_14

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Mon Jul 31, 2006 8:18 pm

Gazza_14 says... · Mon Jul 31, 2006 8:18 pm

Well, you've made a great first impression.
And this is the last thing i'll post on here, as it is off-topic, but it is not the forum is need of a reality check. You just didn't react well to the crit and know people will be wary of commenting on your work in the future. This forum, i think you'll find, is a great place for improving your work, if you are willing to adapt. If you are not, well, don't let the door hit you on the way out

Stop. Look. Jive!

Roaming Shadow

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Mon Jul 31, 2006 8:31 pm

Roaming Shadow says... · Mon Jul 31, 2006 8:31 pm

Gaia, I don't think this site is the place for you. In fact, based on what I've read of your posts, I can't even figure out why you are here. No, seriously, I have no idea. Just why are you here?

And be careful of the door on the way out (as it will likely be slammed rather forcefully).

Poor Imp

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Mon Jul 31, 2006 9:48 pm

Poor Imp says... · Mon Jul 31, 2006 9:48 pm

Roaming Shadow wrote:Gaia, I don't think this site is the place for you. In fact, based on what I've read of your posts, I can't even figure out why you are here. No, seriously, I have no idea. Just why are you here?

And be careful of the door on the way out (as it will likely be slammed rather forcefully).

Ah, Shadow -- not necassary. Whether YWS works out for Gaia or no there needn't be any silly display of hard feelings - on either side.

--

And Gaia: 'hell' is just one word, used to curse/swear, and on YWS the rules say it's not appropriate in a response to a critique.

ex umbris et imaginibus in veritatem

"There is adventure in simply being among those we love, and among the things we love -- and beauty, too."

-Lloyd Alexander

Gaia

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Mon Jul 31, 2006 10:56 pm

Gaia says... · Mon Jul 31, 2006 10:56 pm

Poor_Imp wrote:
Roaming Shadow wrote:Gaia, I don't think this site is the place for you. In fact, based on what I've read of your posts, I can't even figure out why you are here. No, seriously, I have no idea. Just why are you here?

And be careful of the door on the way out (as it will likely be slammed rather forcefully).

Ah, Shadow -- not necassary. Whether YWS works out for Gaia or no there needn't be any silly display of hard feelings - on either side.

--

And Gaia: 'hell' is just one word, used to curse/swear, and on YWS the rules say it's not appropriate in a response to a critique.

Actually Shadow is the second person I respect now, he's the second person who actually has a bit of a back bone in this forum, the first being Gannon. Who absolutely hates me, for me just being alive. Which is true. :]

I don't go out the door, I go out the window I broke into the first place. xD

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Tue Aug 01, 2006 12:33 am

Nate says... · Tue Aug 01, 2006 12:33 am

This thread is locked.

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