The Awaiting Limestone Statue.

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I wrote this poem when I was on the plane because it started shaking. I was worried (of course) but tried to stay calm, so I started thinking about if I died. Would I regret the life I have lived? Would I welcome death? And it the end, I came up with this -- and it is a religious poem. To add, I read it more as a soliloquy... I don't know why...


Come Death, smite me.
Ready am I to see my Lord;
with all my heart I have loved Him,
with all my strength I have served Him
to this very day;
I fear nothing -
He has told me not to.

Thus I stand
like a limestone statue
awaiting the rain of acid
risen from the tombs of Hell,
falling onto the blessed land.

Come Death smite me,
tie the Threads of Time on my eyelids;
carry me from a world so sinful,
let my repented lips glorify His name
in the Heavens above -
ready am I to see my Saviour,
so come hither Death, smite me.
when she needs to shelter from reality she takes a dip in my daydreams




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I like it. Regardless, I think you could put some more work into the end-middle of the first stanza (after "very day;"). It's much less poetic in comparison to the rest, and there doesn't seem to be a real reason for why that is so. I understand that you might want that to just be the 'pious' stanza or whatnot, but then it's just not quite really a poem-y poem the way you have it... But that's just my opinion.

I like the directness of this, it feels very bold and refreshing! I can see the speaker challenging Death as I read through the last stanza, in full dramatic glory.

So, in short, I've little to recommend, save for a bit of nice imagery or simile in the first stanza. Great work, keep writing!
Formerly 'ilyaeelz.' Others experiment with drugs. I experiment with punctuation and grammar.

"Research your own experiences for the truth, absorb what is useful, reject what is useless, add what is specifically your own." - Bruce Lee




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LOVE THIS! *clicks the invisible like button*
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<33333 Marco
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