Rain Drops

Just a little piece of my soul I wrote when I was about 13. (just cause I've got nothing else to post xD I need to write up some new poems haha)

Tiny droplets splash the ground,
Meeting the pavement with a tiny sound,
But all together they sing to the skies,
As they fall from a crying cloud’s eyes.

They beg for the clouds to stop their tears,
Sadly clouds do not have ears,
And so they didn’t hear the raindrops pleas,
Their unheard screaming for mercy.

So the tears continue sliding,
Dripping as the clouds keep crying,
Falling to their inevitable death,
Sucking in their one last breath.

But for the raindrops it is too late,
The poor little droplets have reached their fate.
Life and death in a matter of seconds,
It was destiny, or so god reckons.

I thought this was pretty darn good, for when you were 13. (I could never come close to this when I was that age.) I thought the title could be a bit more original, but what can you do? I'm horrible at titles....

Here are some suggestions if you choose to edit it:

Tiny droplets splash the ground,
Meeting the pavement with a tiny sound, (This line's rhythm is slightly off. Perhaps: Meeting the pavement without a sound.)
But all together they sing to the skies,
As they fall from a crying cloud’s eyes. I love the imagery of that.

They beg for the clouds to stop their tears,
Sadly clouds do not have ears,
And so they didn’t hear the raindrops pleas,
Their unheard screaming for mercy. (This line doesn't line up with the rhyme above it.)
So the tears continue sliding,
Dripping as the clouds keep crying,
Falling to their inevitable death,
Sucking in their one last breath.

But for the raindrops it is too late,
The poor little droplets have reached their fate.
Life and death in a matter of seconds,
It was destiny, or so God reckons. I really like this last stanza, it is a good way to end it.

Never stop writing!

lol nice work sweet thang

whoa, this is, whoa. I've never thought about like that before. You were able to be extremely thought provoking and still rhyme! This is my favorite part:

SwallowedByInsanity wrote:So the tears continue sliding,
Dripping as the clouds keep crying,
Falling to their inevitable death,
Sucking in their one last breath.

I really like the word choice, Dripping. inevitable, they just stick in my head. I also like the phrase one last breath, because there one breath is their last.Over all the word choice of this poem is excellent, and the imagery allows you to hear the raindrop's pleas in your head!This piece of soul is definitely a keeper!

I agree with amygabbs.. Coz emmm the line's rhythms.... You gotta work over them but overall it was good... Nice work.. Keep up the good work and u'll go further... Still right now u're going good but improve it a bit....Elsewhere for the other thing the comma thing and capital letters u have got them right so good going..