Unwritten

I originally started this poem as just writing about writers block but I decided to transform it into something different based off of the song "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield. I havn't written a poem in a long time so this one is really rusty. Tear it to shreds ladies and gentlemen! Happy reading!

My blank page lays before me,
sitting alone, desolate and empty.
With no words to fill its deserted lines,
my life is un-defined.

A pen lingers forever over this gloomy page,
my mind ensnared in an un-breakable cage.
I'm reaching for something in the distance,
but it drifts away, only staying for an instance.

Something barricades my mind,
leaving me enmeshed and confined
to my room where a flickering light casts
mocking ghosts that snicker and laugh.

But this is my pen I hold in my hand,
I can draw my own dreamland.
No one can write your story for you.
Only I know my own value.

Go outside and wash away the sin,
theres no reason to stay hidden.
Today is when your book begins,
the rest is still unwritten.


TuckEr EllsworTh

You say this poem is rusty, I say it is beautiful. I once had to write a similar poem for English class about exams and you've inspired me to go through my old stuff. Thank-you! Your poem is entrancing and wonderful and I'm sure all of the people on this site have felt similarly to this at one point or another. You are a talented poem and I can't think of anything wrong with this poem. Thank-you!

(P.S. I love your Dory quote. Dory is my nickname at school because I;m incredibly forgetful!)

I like that song and I like this poem! It flows rather well for someone rusty! There's only one line I feel doesn't fit

dogs wrote:my life is un-defined.

it just doesn't fit to me because you were talking about paper. I like all the metaphors and imagery you use! it really helps to let the reader visualize the poem. All in all I think this is a really well made and thought out poem!

I think it's cool that you turned your writers block into a poem. I never would have been able to think of that. When I get writers block, I sit down, stare, write, get mad and rage face but this shows that you have a lot of creativity and resoursefulness to make something out of nothing.

Rusty? Try very talented
I like this. The concept is fantastic, and like Fullmetal13 I love that you were able to turn your writer's block into a poem.

One thing:

My blank page lays before me,
sitting alone, desolate and empty.
With no words to fill its deserted lines,
my life is un-defined.

This stanza doesn't seem to flow quite as well as the rest. Maybe its just me, but it seems to make a bit of a wobbly start to reading. The moment you get into the second stanza, however, things smooth out. So I'd maybe try and polish it up just a tad. Keep the ideas (I love the second and third lines) but just patch up the flow.

Today is when your book begins,
the rest is still unwritten.

Beautiful!

So, overall, good work!
Thumbs up

There're cats, now there're dogs, what kind of Pet Shop are they running here anyway? Hahaha kidding.

Now, everyone has these writer's blocks y'know, and I'm proud to say that your poem helped my writer's block move away! It gave me an idea, see, and I wanted to go on to it right away!

About this revue, well, I really like the emotional stability of your poem. You kept this subtle feeling hat lasted throughout the whole poem. Great work on that! I also like the concept you exemplified on this piece. Everyone has this 'Unwritten' works too. I know I have. That's the reason I have a lot of unfinished shorties in my computer . The yarn hadn't got long...(look for my signature for that yarn)

Content:
A lot of people can relate to this, that's why I love it. The words are simple and common, but I had this great imagery. Your words were subtle but it created something. IOW you're a great idealist.

Technicalities:
I didn't notice any BIG grammatical or spelling flaws in this piece, and no verse disturbs me. Fantastic!!!

Concept & Theme:
I can't get enough of this, as I've said, your work was astoundingly quiet. Y'know the feeling when you're on the couch reading a book without any distractions? That's the feeling I had. Great work exemplifying that!

Overall:
Simply perfect! An art set for any writer to read. Truly beautiful.

Spoiler

If it's so perfect why give 4 happy smiles? Guess why...

You're neighborhood fish,
Al (Yes, I'm a fish person)