Young Writers Society

With caring hands, and a helpful mind,
the washes from the past seem to collpase,
glimpses of what could have been,
can be seen through the water, the splash.

the moment when it becomes certain, that this moment,
everything leads to this moment.

No matter what happens, or how you try,
You can't escape the wave you find yourself in.
The current taking you, showing you the way you were, and how you are.

Perhaps, with encouragement, you can change the tide,
Stand the waters, brace yourself, ready for impact.
But the water wins, and you let yourself become immersed.

It overflows you, and as a consequence, you let the tides take you away,
To somewhere you previously thought not part of reality.
But darling, we all know, that once you try to change the tide,

The tide takes you further away.

Thanks I was nervous about posting haha, but thank you for reading!

JamieP,

Here to return the favor. I like this piece a lot! By all means, don't be nervous of posting! I think there's a very nice flow in this, and the use of the tides as a metaphor for life is well thought out and clear. I liked this part:

the washes from the past seem to collpase,
glimpses of what could have been,
can be seen through the water, the splash

Only thing is that "collapse" is mispelled. I wonder if it's a typo or intentional?

And like MikeMoney mentioned, just go through and review for grammar errors. For example, there should be a semi-colon after collapse. In stanza two, the T in "the" should be capitalized. Things like that.

Also, it helps the reviewer more if you post responses to their review on their walls, or by PM. Only because they will not get the notification alerting them about updates to this forum, even though the author does. So they probably won't be made aware of your response otherwise. No worries, though.

Great work! I look forward to seeing more from you.

~ as always, Audy