for love in tangled tongues

For love, give me the truest of your words, a memento to calm spirits
______________as they haunt the valleys of my mind.
____These are your words I recall, and not the strongest want that time,
_______like water in a wine glass, was not wasted between our fingers at dawn.
These are our hopes, together, dreams that we may somehow
________________________________suture the cracks in our promises, the breaks in our trust.
Tell me you'll fight for this, our just cause, until the fires haze from your eyes;
___________and swear now that the softest brush of your words will be true.

Spoiler

Written during a workshop while I was in pain. It's obviously not close to my best, but it has a clear lyrical emotion, so it counts as a win in my book. Tear it apart, my lions.

wow not your best!!! thats outrageous... ud probably do better :O wow how im waiting for that, but its really nice, i could imagine it without the image of your words fading once from my mind. Truthfully though i thought it was a female that wrote this, who knew men could flow such passion into words

For love, give me the truest of your words, a memento to calm spirits
______________as they haunt the valleys of my mind.

Really I LOVE THIS LINE...
and this one

Tell me you'll fight for this, our just cause, until the fires haze from your eyes;
___________and swear now that the softest brush of your words will be true.

yeah this was alright but i would have to say, it didn't really give much imagery. even if it isn't one of your best it was an alright read. ok question, what is with the gigantic spaces? im just assuming that it's just what happened when you submitted it but wow. there were a few bits here and there like

like water in a wine glass, was not wasted between our fingers at dawn.

i was a bit confused, wasting between our fingers at dawn, im just assuming its ment to be confusing. xD but even if it did confuse me i think that would have to be my favourite line. this could improve and be built apon a great deal; i understand that you were in pain and did it during a workshop, so for writting this when you were probably not paying that much attention, it is exceptional work.


Soap
pm me for anything
xD

My dear, this is lovely.

I suppose there could be many things I could say about this poem for critical help, and tearing apart anything is really quite easy when you simply feel the need to in poetry, but this doesn't deserve that from me today, so I'm not going to.

I love this.

You see, I hadn't really thought much about the style of it at first. Looking at it without having really any understanding of the contents makes it look messy and, quite frankly, sort of all over the place, not that that ever mattered with poetry. Structure is just one vessel. The real power is always in the words.

And this was a very strong poem, whether anyone else agrees with me or not. It spoke with honesty, and the diction was powerful within it simple, but tasteful bluntness.

You see, there is one thing I love about your poetry. In fact, if it hadn't been for someone else's description, I probably never would have come to this conclusion myself. You write with this insane assured sense of self. The poem's know exactly where they want to go and you know exactly what you want to write because you know yourself and you know your emotions. You are so absolutely sure, and it reflects in your poems.

This one, in particular, stunned me with that temperate, though eloquent voice, and the topic, though pretty and warm-hearted, gives a sense of the bittersweet. At least, as far as I could tell.

Tell me you'll fight for this, our just cause, until the fires haze from your eyes;
___________and swear now that the softest brush of your words will be true.

These lines reflect your assured nature. Better, though, they are my favorite lines in the poem. They are haunting.

You have too much talent, Ty. Too much.

~Walker

I've read better things by you, but this was nice too! I was kind of lost in some parts, but altogether, good work. Just brush it up a bit, polish the edges, and you'll have a fantastic piece! (Sorry this review isn't longer, but I just got home from performing and I'm totally brain dead!)

~Jess

I haven't read any of your works before but when I read this I loved it, I didn't understand the beginning that well though.