White Flag

Spoiler

Wow! So, my first rhyming poem. I swore I'd never rhyme my poems, but here I am. Anyway, this is in the format of a lilibonelle. It's pattern is:
Stanza 1 line 1

Stanza 1 line 2 

Stanza 1 line 3

Stanza 1 line 4

Stanza 2 line 1 repeats Stanza 1 line 2 

Stanza 2 line 2 

Stanza 2 line 3

Stanza 2 line 4

Stanza 3 line 1 repeats Stanza 1 line 3

Stanza 3 line 2

Stanza 3 line 3 

Stanza 3 line 4

Stanza 4 line 1 repeats Stanza 1 line 4 

Stanza 4 line 2 

Stanza 4 line 3

Stanza 4 line 4 


White Flag

Please check your ego at the door,
There’s no room for it here in my heart
Since you caused such an uproar
I’ll bother you no more, just depart.

There’s no room for it here in my heart:
Your jokes that are ridicule,
The insults your duty to impart.
I will not be your footstool.

Since you caused such an uproar
I can’t seem to meet your gaze,
Why does this feel like war?
We don’t notice inside our haze.

I’ll bother you no more, just depart.
Shame and pride stuffed in my bag.
Maybe we were better apart.
Lonely, I’ll fly my white flag.

Amy!

So you've been bitten by the rhyming bug, eh? Well, you've been bitten good! I'm liking this structure a lot as well.

amygabb wrote:The insults your duty to impart.

I would suggest adding ';' after insults.

So great job again! And here's to more good rhyming poems from you!

Murtuza

I definitely liked this poem. It was complete, it followed your meter, it had a tangible story line and the rhymes worked well and held together thematically. A lot of times the hardest part of rhyming poetry is finding words that fit the meter and the theme, and you did that here. I would experiment a little more with slant rhyme, some of the best can be found in Emily Dickinson's work. Keep it up.

Thers