Thanks.. For nothing.

You used to tell me
I was your baby,
Your sunshine,
Your one and only.

I told you everything,
All about my past.
What has happened
In my cruel, but short life.

I loved you
Like a brother,
Like a best friend,
And like a lover.

You really were my everything,
And you said I was yours.
You told me every chance you got
That you loved me more than anything.

But things change,
Don't they?
People change..
You changed.

Now I'm sitting here,
Alone in this vast nothingness,
With no one to guide me through
But myself and God. 

Hoping to make it out alive,
With nothing but the love of
My lord, my savior.
Thanks for not being here.

Thanks for nothing.

Hey there! I really liked this poem. Awesome rhythm for the most part, awesome beginning, awesome ending. I didn't see any typos or minor errors or anything like that, so great job in that. I also think the repetitiveness in a few of the stanzas really worked for the poem and its subject instead of making it boring and redundant like it does more often than not in writing.

I feel you could have spent a whole lot more time on the part where he left and when she was sad, rather then focusing the poem on the before part, on what they were in the beginning. That part should be left as the beginning, I think, not the majority of the poem.

And you didn't judge me.
You didn't care.
All you seemed to care for
Was me, for us.

This stanza was a little confusing because of the line splits, especially in the last two lines. The order of the words don't make sense to my eyes or my brain. If you were going to shorten the beginning part of it, I would cut out this stanza or clarify a little more, at least.

Other than that, great job on this poem! I'd love to see more.

Very very cute . I liked it a lot and you did a good job with the emotional input.

You used to tell me I was This just doesn't quite fit here, maybe move it down a line?
Your sunshine,
Your baby, If you do end up moving "I was" down, I would flip "baby" and "sunshine" to keep the syllable count correct
Your one and only.

I told you everything,
All about my past.
What's happened in I would move this down a line.
My cruel, but short life.

I loved you
Like a brother,
Like a best friend,
Even like a lover. I would ixnay the "even" and instead put "and." It makes the poem flow better.

You were pretty much my everything,
And you said I was yours.
You told me every chance you got
That you loved me more than anything. I like this stanza, but the lines are considerably longer than the other stanzas. Maybe try breaking it up a bit? Also, this stanza throws off the rhyme scheme :\.

But things change,
Don't they?
People change..
You changed. I like this stanza. .

Now I'm sitting here,
Alone in this vast nothingness,
With no one to guide me through
But myself and God.

Hoping to make it out alive,
With nothing but the love of
My lord, my savior.
Thanks for not being here.

Thanks for nothing.

This was really good . Honestly my biggest complaint is that the first part rhymed and the second part didn't XD. But that's just me being nit=pickity. You did a great job here . Despite my perfection-complex that makes me want to fix every tiny thing, this was absolutely well done.

Alrighty there, I'm going to be reviewing this lovely poem today. I would like to apologize up front about my horrendous reviewing skills, I'm still getting used to it (noobie up in here!).

Overall, I really loved this poem. Not only did it speak to me, but I loved the rhythm. The whole thing read easily (which is important, mind you) and c'mon who can't relate to this? W-O-N-D-E-R-F-U-L.

Thanks for putting this up so that many others may enjoy it as much as I have. Keep that ink flowing, girl.


~~April~~