Celestially Shattered

Spoiler

For him. I'm sorry, and goodbye. </3

Pisces, eyes winnowing
across my skin as though
each cell’s a single silver reed,
cool words in sharp contrast
to every burning ember sparked
between my flint and tone.

You call me lovely Leo,
say I don’t mean to roar so loud,
don’t mean to speak so forcibly
or pull my claws so deep.
In return, in my heart of lioness’s
hearts I find you so sweetly naïve.

Dreamers built of ice and fire,
cool and burning creatures caught
between our nature of predator and
prey, and I cannot even tell you
what these stars now mean.

Celestially shattered, we aren’t meant to be.

Cute . Very cute, and very well written. I like this a lot and I'm not entirely sure what else you could do to fix it except elaborate, which you've already done a good job at already . So very good job, just one thing to point out in the first stanza:

Pisces, eyes winnowing
across my skin as though
each cell’s a single silver reed,
cool words in sharp contrast
to every burning ember sparked
between my flint and tone. Stone**

Good job . Just make sure to capitalize the first letter in every line .

Awesome poem! I liked the ending the most; it really wrapped up well even though it was a short poem.

Pisces, eyes winnowing
across my skin as though
each cell’s a single silver reed,
cool words in sharp contrast
to every burning ember sparked
between my flint and tone.

There is pretty good rhythm throughout this, but the fourth line with the contrast is the only line that kind of stands out and doesn't have very good rhythm with the rest of the stanza. Nice use of metaphor, too!

You call me lovely Leo,
say I don’t mean to roar so loud,
don’t mean to speak so forcibly
or pull my claws so deep.
In return, in my heart of lioness’s
hearts I find you so sweetly naïve.

The rhythm kind of fizzles a bit here. Not in the beginning, but the last two lines are too long, and I don't think that the lioness part at the end of the line adds to anything, just kicks the rhythm out of loop. I really like the perspective here, this is my favorite stanza.

One other thing is that I could have used more than just two constellations here. I feel like you're telling me about the wonderful night sky and all the stars it holds and then I only get a tiny glimpse of it - only two constellations out of the many more that there are.

Other than that, great poem!

Bahaha... Hi there StoryWeaver.

As always, this is beautiful. You were creative, you use good wording, and even though I don't believe in such a things as horoscope, you're such a great writer, I actually like it. Love the ending. If I was that person you wrote this poem for, I'd read it over and over again in shock. xD Lovely, lovely job.

Keep it up.