Shameless

Spoiler

So this is for the Emotions Attack! contest...came with sudden inspiration while I was writing an essay about justice. Oh, the irony. The emotion I am trying to show is disgust, or revulsion.

I shudder at your
Psychedelic charms, more
With each sluggish minute
Of trying to forget.

Your cool-headed desperation
Calls me to an amusement park
Ride fringed with the silhouettes
Of empty-faced clowns.

A mockingbird with a
Discordant echo, wailing
Remorsefully, plaintively, shamelessly,
Begging for everything you don't deserve.

An unreported disease,
A prion of utter despair
Bleeding, undetected until too late,
Into the hearts of your scarred victims.

I liked it, maybe a liitle too short. There's definately a few more describing words than needed and it takes away the meaning of the poem. Good work, dream on!

I thought this was great! The revulsion that you're trying to show is practically dripping from the poem. I liked that you used a lot of figurative language: metaphors, similes, etc. My only complaint would be about the third stanza. Some of the lines are just a bit too long and throw it off balance. You should probably either choose different, less polysyllabic words, or just break up the lines. All in all, it was a great poem. I look forward to reading more by you, and I hope my review helps.

Impressive, good imagery, and some clever metaphors in there aswell. I did think it was a bit short though, this proves to be my biggest gripe, just because I was really getting into it when the final Stanza finished. I think if you extended the length this could go from being good, to being great and amazing! Good job mate, keep it up!