Tell Me

6 posts
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Gender Male
Points 12142
Reviews 91
Tell me, tell me that I'm sane,
That all I've done isn't in vain,
That I've chosen a good way
And there's no need to sway.

I'm tired of being judged by people
Like a fool or hopeless geek.
I'm too a human and feel feeble
Like any other man in need.

Tell me that you're the same,
That you are human and know pain,
That this whole deal is a shame
And there's always something to blame.

I too want water and food,
Have good health and delight,
Worthy fun and good mood;
And so I want to write:
Am I sane?
You're the same.
~Don't beg for things, do it yourself or else you'll never get anything~
-Formerly Shinda




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Gender Female
Points 965
Reviews 95
This doesn't quite make sense. That might sound harsh, but this is a hard piece to follow. You should definately add more to it. Put some more detail in there. Your rhymes aren't very 'flowing' either.
It has potential though, none the less but I think you should consider revising and adding on to it.




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Gender Female
Points 294
Reviews 92
The rhymes felt really forced, maybe you could try rhyming every other line instead of all the way through? Nice message though, loving the use of repetition and the rhetorical question. The last line felt very forceful and emphasized your message. Good job, this poem definitely has potential :)
"Books are the ultimate dumpees: put them down and they'll wait for you forever; pay attention to them and they will always love you back." John Green

"And in that moment, I swear we were infinite." Stephen Chbosky




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Gender Female
Points 812
Reviews 10
Wow....:) Amazing! As far as the rhyming goes....well My poems hardly ever rhyme, but if they come out, then that's an accomplishment! :) lol. I really liked this piece! :) Nice job!
What if I fall and hurt myself, would you know how to fix me? What if I went and lost myself, would you know where to find me? If I forgot who I am, would you please remind me, because without you things go hazy.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 12142
Reviews 91
My thanks for all the comments =) I've sure noticed the forced rhythm, but I let it be, because it makes the poem bitter - and reality is the same.
~Don't beg for things, do it yourself or else you'll never get anything~
-Formerly Shinda




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Gender Female
Points 4920
Reviews 39
this poem is soo cool!
i don't think there is anything quite wrong with the rhythm..it perfectly portrays that sense of frenzy the way it is..
fantastic one dude! ;)
Enjoy every moment of your life; you never know when it might come to an end...



And then, as if written by the hand of a bad novelist, an incredible thing happened.
— Bartimaeus of Uruk