What you taught me <3

I used to think you were my whole world;
Until you showed me how big the world really was.
I used to think that you were my whole life;
Until you showed me how it really was to live.
You taught me how worthless you really were.


Words you said were laced with deceit,
But I always chose to be blind, and believe.
You took advantage of me being vulnerable.
You filled me with self hate and left me weak;
Always after you got what you needed from me.


You tore out my heart, broke it right in two.
Then examined the jagged edges, to see what lay there.
Then you walked out of my life, without a second thought;
And left me with the pieces of my bleeding heart,
With no way for it to ever be the same.


Although my heart may be different,
It didn't mean I couldn’t love again.
You should know I only have you to thank.
For showing me what not to look for
And helping me to grow.


So now when I let my heart out
I’ll know the lies from the truth
I’ll be an equal partner and not a tool
I’ll demand respect, but most of all
I’ll know not to look for you.


Not my best work, it just popped into my head, so I wrote it. Tell me what you think

Oh deary, the spacing of this poem is not working for at all.

First and foremost, take out those unnecessary break lines. It makes this poem looking dauntingly long rather than being a decent sized poem. After all, poetry doesn't have to be a novel long, or take up a lot of space to be effectual and interesting. Poetry is beautiful because its unpredictable, so be unpredictable.

Which brings me to my next point. This is very.. basic. Not that basic is a bad thing. Basic can be a fantastic thing in some aspects, but the topic in itself is very overused. Almost sickeningly so, which I only say with the utmost respect. It takes a lot of guts to put your work out into the world, especially poetry, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. I'm by no means trying to offend you.

That being said, if you want to run with such a topic, you better pull all your best cards out. After all, poetry is about displaying emotions in a way that is beautiful even when discussing things that are horrendous or saddening or hurtful. Poetry should always be interesting. And in this case, because of how sort of bland the style, the structure, and the topic was, the interest sort of waned halfway through the first stanza.

Now, I believe that with a bit of time and patience, anyone who has the passion to write poetry will one day be able to, but we all have to start somewhere, and this is a good start. A concrete start. It means the gears are turning now. Merely, now is the time in which you must push past the cliche unrequited love and into subjects that are personal and beautiful and original.

The best way to make a subject original is to take your own spin with metaphors. By using a subject that people know and giving it a different perspective. A quirky, interesting parallel.

Pretty much, I do see that you have the passion and the drive. I want to see you continue on with writing poetry and sort of finding your voice. When that process has started to move, I'll help push you in the right direction, if you should feel the need to get that sort of feedback. Merely, keep trying and finding yourself first. Perfecting will come later.

~Walker

Good start. I stumbled when it came to reading this line,

Then examined the jagged edges, to see what lied there

Usually when referring to the past tense it would be "lay" and that stumbled me a bit as I read this.

Apart from the above, I enjoyed the level of passion in this. You use strong language from differentiating yourself from a "tool" to describing words "laced with deceit". While I am particularly fond of poem that have a rhyming order, I was not disappointed after reading this. With that said, I am certain that it can be developed further although that would be up to you in terms of the direction you chose to take it.

Sincerely,
Elitehusky

Hey there! Wanted to say I liked the poem, it spoke to me as I read it. It was very moving, but the spacing did throw me off just a bit. I think you would have been a little neater if you didnt space it so much. Also, there wasn't any periods or comma's at the end of your sentences. Mind fixing that as well?
~Thanks!!
-Randi (Alabaster)

Thanks for the reviews you guys. I really appreciate it. I fixed the spacing, sorry about that. I copied it from a word document and that's how it turned out. I tried my best with the commas and periods; grammars not my thing.

Dreamwalker: Thanks for your honesty, and don't worry you didn't offend me one bit. I know my skills in poetry are slightly lacking. This was actually how I wrote it the very first time, so it's not edited or anything. I didn't really put much thought into it, I just wrote was in my head. I will try to add more emotion and passion to it though. And I will definitely call on you in the future if I write any more poems. Thank-you.

EliteHusky: Thank- you for your review. I fixed the "lied" part. Like I told Walker, I didn't really edit it, I just wrote it. lol. But I'm glad you liked it. I myself like the "laced with deceit" part, so thanks for pointing that out (; thanks again

Alabasterwolveness: I'm sorry about the spacing, but i fixed it I'm glad my poem spoke to you, that's what I was going for. I tried on the grammar part, but like i said before; grammars not my thing. lol. Thanks for reading