Spoiler
I know this is a longer poem than most I've seen here. If you don't want to read it then don't, but please dont' spend your review time telling me it's long and/or that I need to make it shorter unless it is specifically related to the actual writing, not the length. Thanks 
Once I was a child, but that was long ago,
in the days when I used to truly smile and really laugh.
Some say they don't know where the time went. I do.
Mine was stolen, taken from me and I was
thrown into the dark.
Soon my innocence was gone,
the evil of the world a familiarity now.
Bruised and marred, confused and hurt,
I spent my days hiding when others played.
I heard their laughter while those
around me screamed.
I heard the ones I cared for cry out,
and I tried so hard to help but never could.
The worst feeling of failure descended on me.
It broke my heart to hear their pleas, and
to know my mother abandoned care of me.
I was young and my father didn't protect me,
but the opposite. He hurt me deep,
and my soul refused to heal.
Everything went black and I was scared.
I was small and unrecognizable.
Young but no longer a child,
my carefree nature disappeared.
They stripped me bare, the ones around me,
they killed my spirit.
Nobody thought anything was wrong;
they always saw me smile.
But I hid behind my smiles,
behind my emotion,
though emotion was not allowed.
I hid from the world,
each smile another lie
so no one could know I was hurt,
or what hurt me,
or know what my emotions were,
or who I really was.
Behind all my smiles were tears,
tears that only came once I was alone.
Sometimes I wished they'd come freely
so I could just cry and let it all go,
but it made me feel weak.
I pushed others away
with sadness in my eyes,
my plastic smile covering
the inside mess.
I didn't realize
that it's okay to need someone now and then.
All I know is that
when darkness is all you have,
it becomes a close friend.
Darkness can be a scray thing to some,
but once you're around it enough,
it becomes a welcoming comfort.
It's scary then to be exposed to light.
My secrets were too dark in the light;
I just wanted to hide away.
With my smiling disguise over me,
other left me.
I was too afraid to show my real emotions,
the ones I had been told to stuff down.
But after a while, being alone was frightening;
hiding became not a refuge but a forced
reaction.
Then everything I hid for so long,
the emotions, the tears, the desperate sadness --
it drove me mad inside.
The madness took me over, raged inside me
until I was worse than dead, and thought
death would be a welcome thing; I knew
I had to let the madness out.
The red lines represented all the pain
I felt; they let the emotion out. Every
time I drew them it was scary at first,
but then the relief came.
It felt so good to be free for once --
I couldn't stop. The blade was my drug,
the red lines and scars permanent reminders
of how far I'd gone. I wanted to die then;
I hadn't known what I was getting
myself into.
Angry and afraid, I planned
my death. I was used to
the blade now; to push it
a little farther wouldn't be hard.
I came so close, literally
an inch away,
but I scared myself
and stopped.
I met a special person then,
who saved me from the blade,
and then God sent an angel.
I no longer wanted to die;
the kindness of an angel
sent me running back to
God, and He took me in his arms
and saved me from myself,
from everything.
He sent a friend when
I needed a true one most.
Loneliness deserted me and
love came to stay.
Even though I've been betrayed,
even though I feel lost and small,
afraid and weak, unaccepted,
one good friend is enough to get
me through, and remind me
that God's love is always there.
Trying to be normal is hard,
but I don't want pity, just love
and compassion. God will help me through;
He sent me an angel to tell me
he's still there, watching over me.
.