Forgetting Amnesia

3 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 992
Reviews 35
Um... well I haven't written in a while...

Amnesia--
Conquering our land
And annexing cities.
It's weapons spare our skin;
There's something deeper than flesh.

Yes--
We ache.
We scream.
We cry from the damage,
And yes--
We still polish our eyes
With innocence
So we can shimmer when we smile
(As long as we look away)

Forgetting,
Not forgiving,
The creators.
Laughing with the person
Who once spun our tears.
"You are SO pretty
With your eyes
and flawless skin!"
And each of our eyes
Are puffy and red
From crusted old mascara.

The misconceptions and misreadings
Twist our arms and bend the bone
And expect transformation.
But the mangled are strong,
Driven by disappointment.

And though ice makes us shiver,
We plunge our hands into this winter storm
And feel for that mismatched doppelgänger.
Frantic
Panicked
Anxiety from…

What?
Last edited by talkingbird on Sun Nov 13, 2011 12:54 am, edited 4 times in total.
"I am still so naive;
I know pretty much what I like and dislike;
But please, don't ask me who I am. A passionate, fragmentary girl, maybe?

-Sylvia Plath




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1090
Reviews 2
i love it keeep up the great work ******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************** panda21**************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1764
Reviews 84
Hey! I thought this has so much potential! I wasn't quite sure if you were talking about epidemic of amnesia, or just a case of it that is personal to you. Maybe try to clear that up.

Amnesia -
Conquering our land
And annexing cities.
It's weapons spare our skin,
There's something deeper than flesh.
I liked annexing our cities better than consuming because annexing implies that it is an unwelcomed take-over. Also, you only need one hyphen.

And yes-
We ache.
We scream.
We cry from the damage,
And yes-
We continue to binge on more.
This stanza makes it seem more like an epidemic. Again, only one hyphen. I wasn't sure what the last line meant?

I thought the third and fourth stanzas were fantastic.
And though ice makes us shiver,
We plunge our hands into this winter storm
And feel for that mismatched doppelgänger.
Frantic
Panicked

Anxiety from…

What?
I love the image and emotion in this stanza. It was very powerful. Only nitpick: Use some kind of punctuation for Frantic and Panicked. The ending is great. Thanks for sharing!
Life is not about how you sing in the sun, it is about how you dance in the rain.



Writing is my soul made tangible on paper.
— bluewaterlily