Outward Bound

I have this feeling
The feeling so great
To kill that crawling insect
That one moving away

Here in my prison cell
Here in this cage
I feel poison and venom
I feel so much hate

That meager insect,
The one crawling away
Has everything I yearn for
And everything I pray

It can move away, free and unbound
It can face the world, without guilt or a doubt
And I stay here, bound and gagged
And I fight off the light coming through that crack

The light stings my eyes,
And tells me it is day
In the world that made it all dark for me,
In the world I have no say

The desire hits me once again
And I wish I had a stick or a stone
Or even a limb on my crippled body
To hit it before its gone

I fall on the ground, a debilated invalid,
and far from the one moving in the day.
And watch, with eyes clogged and weary,
The creature blocking the ray…



aka http://r2square.wordpress.com/2011/09/0 ... /#comments

Hi there. This is well-written. I liked this very much.

But I think I want to do some changes in these lines...

The feeling is so great

Has everything I yearn for
And everything I pray for

And I don't really understand with this line?

In the world I have no say

But that's just me. You are yourself a good writer so these are just some of my suggestions.

Keep writing!

Thanks fer the suggestions aye

I have no say means in the world my words are worth nothing and I have no say in anything, a phrase

Thanks again =)

I want to write a long review for this so i can get lots of points but all I can say is BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You're a great writer.
For me, your poem speaks about freedom in the midst of shackles that tends to hinder the speaker to be himself.
It's like the speaker wants to free himself from the bondage of pretending.