Open Up for Me

Spoiler

This is totally my longest poem ever XD Wrote it about my best guy friend. The 'he' you see in part 4 is his father who left him when he was a little kid. I love him so much (as a friend) and really hope things will become good for him =) Also, this poem is NOT a love poem. Just friendship love =)
And thanks to solly for totally helping me with getting this posted!! <33333333333 XD (you'll get them back...nothing you can do about that >XD)
ps: This poem might be a little too dramatic when I read it back and think of him..He already opens up to me and I'm really happy about that =) But this was about the time before that. So yeah.. XD

Why won't you open your eyes for me?
Why do you keep hiding behind this veil?
Are your secrets too dark in the light?
Why do I have to accept your mystery?

Believe me, I’ve seen you worse.
It’s okay to need someone once in a while.
Your tears won’t scare me off.
Your secrets won’t change anything between us.

You clasp onto this redundant mask,
But a plastic smile won’t cover the inside-mess.
Do you really think I wouldn’t notice the sadness in your eyes?
The falling tears won’t get hidden by this disguise.

You keep pushing the people you call friends away.
I don't really blame you because he broke your trust,
But if we are what you name us, why would we do the same?
I’m trying to keep you from repeating his history.

You have hidden a lot of things from me,
But you failed at hiding your biggest weakness;
That good breakable heart of yours
That is still willing to do what is right.

They say we are the product of our past,
But God made it able for us to change.
So please don’t push me away now in your darkest days,
Because I’m only trying to help you along the way.

All the things I’ve said are only meant well.
I know my words can be sharp as knives,
But that is so they’ll cut through to their goal.
After all, my honesty is one of the things you appreciate.

Don’t be afraid to fall down or fail,
I won’t leave you behind because of it.
But just don’t pretend you don’t need anyone
To help you back up and dry the carving tears.

Life is hard to every one of us,
But that doesn’t mean we should give up on it.
I didn’t stop beside you to just leave you again.
I want to be there when things turn for the better.

I wouldn’t know what your real smile looks like,
Because you are covered in fake ones too well.
But when the clouds shall depart and your eyes will shine,
I will know for sure that you will be fine.

So I’m begging you to open your eyes for me,
To let me behind your mysterious veil.
I’ll be gentle with everything you show to me.
And if you'll allow me, I'll be walking next to you as we walk out.

This was really good, I think if people who are considering suiside read this they would change there mind. I would have liked to know what the boy im guessing did to make this peson so sad, did they take their virginity and break up with them or what? In all it was really good you really don't see stories that say I will be right next to you threw it all, I thought it showed a great deal of friendship. Most people when friends go threw a hard time just ditch and in this story that didn't happen and I thought that it was cute. Good job writing keep up the good work!

This is amazing.
I love the last two stanzas, especially. Great work!
Not a single spelling or grammar error.
Keep writing poems like this, and you'll do very well.

That was really good, almost brought tears in my eyes.
There is so much emotion in it, and it felt really real...
I think keep doing what your doing and you will expand untill you're an awesome poet.
I will buy your works ;P

I understand this poem really well. I think it's really amazing of you to write this for him, because I'm going through the same thing he is now. There are a few corrections I must point out, however, in red:

Why won't you open your eyes for me?
Why do you keep hiding behind this veil?
Are your secrets too dark in the light?
Why do I have to accept your mystery?

Believe me, I’ve seen you-strike this word worse.
It’s okay to need someone once in a while.
Your tears won’t scare me off.
Your secrets won’t change anything between us.

You clasp onto this covering-redundent mask,
But a plastic smile won’t cover the inside-mess.
Do you really think I wouldn’t notice the sadness in your eyes?
The falling tears won’t get hidden by this disguise.

You keep pushing the people you call friends away.
But I don't really blame you since he broke your trust.-I don't know why you go from talking about "friends" then switch to a single "he" in the smae stanza. Doesn't make sense
But if we are what you name us, why would we?
I’m trying to keep you from repeating his history.

You have hidden a lot of things from me,
But you failed at hiding your biggest weakness
That good breakable heart of yours
That is still willing to do what is right.

They say we are the product of our past,
But God made it able for us to change.
So please don’t push me away now in your darkest days,
Because I’m only trying to help you along the way.

All the things I’ve said are only meant well.
I know my words can be sharp as knifes,
But that is so they’ll cut through to their goal.
After all, my honesty is one of the things you appreciate.

Don’t be afraid to fall down or fail,
I won’t leave you behind because of it.
But just don’t pretend you don’t need anyone
To help you back up and dry the carving tears.

Life is hard to every one of us,
But that doesn’t mean we should give up on it.
I didn’t stop beside you to just leave you again.
I want to be there when things turn for the better.

I wouldn’t know what your real smile looks like,
Because you are covered in fake ones too well.
But when the clouds shall depart and your eyes will shine,
I will know for sure that you will be fine.

So I’m begging you to open your eyes for me,
To let me behind your mysterious veil.
I’ll be gentle with everything you show to me.
And if you'll allow me, I'll be walking next to you as we walk out.

Hi Qara!

I just want to tell you right now that this is so beautiful. I really loved reading it because it was so simply refreshing. I love how easy and calm the voice is, and yet it still has such a beautiful intensity that can usually only be felt between two best friends. I've experienced this before. I've been on both sides of it, really. So I love that I found something that I could relate too here. I don't really have any criticism for you, with the exception of this one stanza:

You keep pushing the people you call friends away.
But I don't really blame you because he broke your trust.
But if we are what you name us, why would we do the same?
I’m trying to keep you from repeating his history.

I'm a little unsure about the two consecutive lines that both start with the word "but." Also, I really don't understand the third line. It feels very... out of the blue and it doesn't make much sense. So my first suggestion was going to be to change the start of one of the lines, but if you went back and re-thought/re-worded your third line, more than likely, you would end up cutting the "but" out of that line. Kill two birds with one stone, right? Haha

Also, I wanted to point out your last line.

And if you'll allow me, I'll be walking next to you as we walk out.

No criticism here, but I wondered if you'd ever heard the song "I Will Follow You Into The Dark" by Death Cab For Cutie. It appears that this final line was inspired by that song. If you haven't heard it, well, here's the YouTube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rePcHxFJIuU&ob=av2e . It's a beautiful song, and I definitely think you'll find it to be relevant to this poem.

Thank you for the wonderful read! Keep up your great work!

~Molly

Hey there...
Wow! Just wow!! That is all I can really say.. It was so good.. it was also inspirational.. another thing I loved about the poem was that - I could totally relate to it!! I myself have had to deal with such stuff when my friends hid stuff from me.. I really love your poem.. It was so good!! Loved it!! A really brilliant job!!
Harshita:)

Beautiful. I was thinking of ways of how to say how great I thought this poem was and beautiful is the only word that matches. This is a flawless piece and it is heartfelt. I feel that this poem really connects to me. I'm still welling up a bit after reading it as I'm writing this, lol, but I'm so happy you've written this. There are so many priceless parts that just captivate me and I would quote them all had I read this on my computer. Never-the-less, this is definitely the best poem you've written. Any correction to it would just spoil its novelty. It's beautiful the way it is. And as for your friend, I'm sure he'll 100% be loving you after reading this. And now you're even featured! Congrats and I'm so proud of you! And kudos to Gee for providing her expertise as well .
Beautiful.



XD

This was lovely and uplifting to read. Quite hopeful too. I only noticed one spelling error- "Knifes" should be "knives" but that's it! Other than that, it was gorgeous and I'm glad you and your friend share such a strong bond! Keep writing

~Jess

I really liked this poem . It was long, and I normally get bored with long poems, but this one was able to keep my attention. The rhythm was actually very good, with is uncommon for free-verse styles of writing like this . Great job, I think my favorite part of the poem had to be:

Believe me, I’ve seen you worse.
It’s okay to need someone once in a while.
Your tears won’t scare me off.
Your secrets won’t change anything between us.

You clasp onto this redundant mask,
But a plastic smile won’t cover the inside-mess.
Do you really think I wouldn’t notice the sadness in your eyes?
The falling tears won’t get hidden by this disguise.

Keep writing! You're doing a great job .

Oh, wow. I was really really touched by this poem; it is so deep. You did such a good job in the way you expressed the emotions of what you were saying... wow. Amazing!