The Martyr

Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves.
Take a deep breath, let go your fears,
feel the dark prescence behind you;
The weight of death hangs heavy

in the golden autumn morning.
Breathe in the fumes of past wrongs,
exhale the massive burden of change.
Draw your last breath and save it.

The foggy breath of ignorance
swirls about you; a grunt of strain.
Light reflected in your eye - close it,
but keep the other one open

for you are the only witness.
Your lips curl up, your eye is bright;
a moment of stillness, then a hiss.
It embeds your smile on the pages
of history.

Spoiler

Inspired by the first line in Wait and Bleed by Slipknot, which coincidentally is the first line of this poem as well. Written in about 15 minutes on a whim while on the toilet. Hope it wasn't as bad as I just made it sound.

This is a really well written poem. It is interesting and I like the description in it. My favorite lines are "in the golden autumn morning. Breathe in the fumes of past wrongs, exhale the massive burden of change." and "It embeds your smile on the pages of history." I can't find anything to point out in the poem that needs to be fixed and the only suggestion that I have is the format could use some work. Overall, very well written and I enjoyed it. (Interesting place to write poetry, by the way)

Hi there!
I love this piece; it has some excellent imagery and has a great overall flow. I don't have anything to critique- I just wanted to say that it was enjoyable to read.

The foggy breath of ignorance
swirls about you; a grunt of strain.
Light reflected in your eye - close it,
but keep the other one open

-This was my favourite stanza- it was really well written!

Thanks for the read, and happy writing
-Briggsy