My Best Friend

My Best Friend ~ By Black Ink©

Black Hair
Brown eyes
Skin pale like snow.

She was born one day
March 20th, 1996
And that day the earth received a beautiful gift.

Cherished
Loved
With those big brown eyes
She caught many others.

Her rosy pink cheeks
Her soft white skin
And her little stubby fingers,
She was heaven blessed

Her parents love her
Her friends adore her
But she cannot see her own beauty.

She looks in the mirror and see's
Ugly dark hair
Horrible brown eyes
And pasty skin

Why can’t she see,
She is so beautiful
To me
To her parents
An Angel to the world.

Her name is Samantha
She lives till this day
At age 15
I will never meet a better friend.

My best friend,
I love you.

Awh, I am so glad that this ended happily. While I was reading I kept thinking, don't let it be all happy and sweet to just turn around make me sad with a depressing ending. Reading it kind of kept me on edge(which is good). I smiled really big at the last words. It's nice I hope you let your friend read what you wrote about her. I'd be touched<3

Hahahahaha THanks If you were my friend, id write something for you
Your a very sweet person <3

BlackInk. I've come to do a little dissecting.

Well, first off I guess I want to say that I think it's sweet you've gone and written a poem like this about a friend. I could pick up on the angle you were getting at, but all in all I don't feel you may have truly did it as much justice as could've been done. Your words were too simple. When I say this I mean there was hardly enough to really grasp onto as I read through. You have lines that are but two words. What do you expect to be sending across by giving this poem no real thick center? I'm clinging to mere phrases and wispy out linings of a larger picture, but it's almost like nothing is there.

Now, when you make descriptions here, as far as creativity goes I feel you are somewhat lacking. Well, quite decently lacking, to be truthful. When you first begin this poem, it simply starts with black hair, brown eyes, skin pale as snow. Black hair and brown eyes is far too underdone to send across a decent portrayal of someone. Especially a quite beloved someone. And skin pale as snow, I feel like you could have indeed done so much more with this. The word pale alone doesn't ring as beautiful, even compared to the delicate essence of snow. It simply falls flat. You can't expect the words skin, pale and snow to sound interesting all on their own. You must push it further. For one nix the word pale. Fair sounds loads better I think. But there is also far more fixing that needs to be done in this beginning alone.

Cherished
Loved
With those big brown eyes
She caught many others.

What exactly do you mean here when you say she caught many others? I feel like I know what you want to say, but you're simply not giving enough narrative in general for me to cling onto anything solid. Be a bit less vague and really don't be afraid to dig into explaining things in a poetic manner.

Her rosy pink cheeks
Her soft white skin
And her little stubby fingers,
She was heaven blessed

Again here, I want to bring up the fact that you're use of description seems entirely half there. You say rosy pink cheeks, --which by the way should be rosy-pink-- and then pair it with soft whit skin. It reads quite rough and I think you could have reworked this in a whole different, more enticing, way to be read. Stubby fingers isn't a very endearing way to describe someone either. I get the sense that you were trying your best to seem loving, but it just wasn't there the way in which you put together your words.

Skipping to the end of things:

Her name is Samantha
She lives till this day
At age 15
I will never meet a better friend.

This is too forward for poetry I think. You're not being creative enough, the words are coming out point blank and it's really not as interesting to read once you hit this point. I don't understand what you mean by saying she lives till this day. What are you trying to say? Or have you simply lost inspiration for what you're trying to convey in this poem? When I read this I get the sense of trying to be deep, only you're lost on how to comply with this.

Overall, I think that this could definitely use some reworking if you want it to come off with the sure emotion and endearing angle I assume you want. I just wasn't quite feeling any of it. But don't let my opinion put you down. I really hope you come back to this and try fixing it up some.

-Smylin'

Hi. This poem is very positive but I can't help feeling that it's a bit of a cliche or at least your choice of language is. Your similies leave something to be desired. Describing her skin as "pale like snow" is a very over used comparison and I think you could think of something more unique. The line "She lives till this day" sounds a bit sinister because it's like you mean "She will live until this day". Maybe "She lives to this day" would work better. All in all it is a nice poem but far from the deep, emotion-filled piece it could have been. Sorry if this seems a bit harsh. Anyway, keep writing and I look foward to some more of your work.