I, Too

Spoiler

So, as difficult as it is to believe, this is NOT a love poem, but a reaction to another person in my life. Yes, it is based on an experience.

You were different
from the rest
so I thought that I could be different, too.
You were always crossing the line
so I thought that I could cross, too.
So much more than everyone else,
it must have gotten tedious.
But I thought that
because you were different,
I could be different too.
You always said what you thought,
so I thought I could say what I thought, too.
You could be different,
so why couldn’t I be?
You could cross the line,
so why couldn’t I cross?
But apparently that freedom
wasn’t mine for the taking,
was yours for the guarding
and for me, just breaking
any trust there might have been
because you wouldn’t let me.
So punish me, bastard
for emulating you.
Maybe I wanted to. I, too.

I like this. I like the sort of rhythm it has. I like that you didn't stanza it.

I think everyone can relate this to a person who seems to be entitled to the world but doesn't think you (or others) are.

The only issue I had was this line:

But apparently that freedom
wasn’t mine for the taking,
was yours for the guarding
and for me, just breaking
any trust there might have been
because you wouldn’t let me.

I think you may have to shorten it, or divide it into two, or maybe just clarify what you wanted to say.

I really do like this poem! It had a nice sway to it, now I also agree with the last review but I disagree with one thing. People like stanza, it makes it look like a song maybe they would like to sing along with. I do think you could of added in some smilies and Imagery cause that would just set it off; but, overall it was a great poem. This is a poem people want to read over. Keep up the writing!

Jealousy has consumed thee! You have made a clear portrayal of this and obviously wish to become even someone else to gain their possessions/skills/accomplishments! Even though you have used vulgar language, it has been shown at quite an appropriate time, expressing your emotions with vivid quality.

may i borrow this......for realz...... really good poem.Quality work and authentic swag to it. I know swag is not appropriate for describing a poem but it just happened.

Great work, looking forward to more; keep writing and posting. I shall be here waiting.