How they are all moving on…

I smile at the flashbacks from the scenes of the YouTube videos. I laugh my heart out at them convincing my brain that that’s the only source of humor I have left with me. But, that red line always ends, suggesting more related videos. In the end, I still don’t feel that happiness, that joy, that pleasure in my heart. The emptiness remains. Those video’s tell me to laugh, instigating my lips to widen, my eyes to squint and my heart to pound with their utterly hilarious slapstick maneuvers and scripts. However long it is, it ends once again, leaving me with nothing to grasp on. Then, nostalgia kicks in, turning my synthetic smile upside down. I remember all my friends, how they used to try to laugh me to death. Some even said that I might die laughing one day but, I highly doubt that’ll ever be the case. The clock glares with the numbers of midnight, and I am overcome with wretchedness, knowing that when I step into school tomorrow (my senior year), I’ll be alone again.

People around me are nice if they ever need me and if not…well…I’m on my own again. A hand on my shoulder makes me turn around. Seeing the smile of the person and their sugar-high tone fills me with joy. Then, I forget about all my worries for a split second. I remember how I loved being hyper and happy. I recall all those days when I wanted everyone to smile and see that the world was a better place; as I used to see it. But, karma never did pay back my price. I get engaged into a conversation, elating me by the second, talking to the only person I knew that still cared for me. Minutes before the bell rings, that person is pulled away from my side by her best friend. I smile through my sorrow, saying ‘Maybe after class. Later.’ But, that later never comes. That person has moved on. Unlike me, she has a best friend now, to care for and unlike me; she has better things in life to think about that being naïve and crying for her old friends. A tear splatters on the books I carried, against my chest.

I sit at lunch with a few people (my classmates), who don’t even take the same subjects as I do. I know they care but, I don’t feel it because, I know it’s not real. They’ll crack jokes and I’ll show that I’m laughing my head off but, inside nothing is elevating my depressed mood. My face returns to the same somber expression, taking a bite out of whatever I packed for lunch this morning. They all talk about academics, future, how their lives will be in the next ten years or so. I just sit and listen –that’s the only thing I’m good at. They too are all planning to move on with their lives, unlike me. Melancholy aims a hard kick at my heart, making me feel like a spoilsport around them. I just leave for the bathroom where I lock myself in a cubicle and let it all out. Not loudly though –I don’t like attracting attention –but, enough to make me feel at least a little better. I escape, wash my face, only after I’m sure no one else is around in the ward and head for the library –my homeroom for my senior year.

I try hanging out with people; I try to move on too, I try to bring the smile I once wanted on other people’s faces, now on my own. I want to smile again, feel alive and be optimistic again. I want to sound like a sugar-high brat, and have people give me a ‘cool it’ expression, maybe even annoyed sometimes. I loved it! I miss it so much. I’ve grown so insecure that when I hang out with people, I feel as though I’m just an invisible insect tagging along, with not real purpose in the trio or group. My biggest slipup is my inability to move on, even after knowing that the people I cry for every night and day have moved on…without me…

I like how your work connected with me on a certain level. Maybe I'm predisposed to sympathize with the situation presented in your writing, but I feel as if you've done a wonderful job conveying the nostalgia and ensuing sadness the narrator experiences. You certainly hit the nail on the head there. Now, I'll move on to more-mechanical issues by quoting a few of your sentences.

IdEaBoNe wrote:Those video’s tell me to laugh, instigating my lips to widen, my eyes to squint and my heart to pound with their utterly hilarious slapstick maneuvers and scripts.

videos (GREAT description, by the way)

IdEaBoNe wrote: I remember all my friends, how they used to try to laugh me to death.

Laugh you to death? This confuses me. I'd rewrite the sentence as follows:

I remember all my friends and their attempts at invoking deadly amounts of laughter out of me.

That's how I understand the sentence, and my writing style is strange. Don't change it to that; I'd just modify it so that it is clearer.

Note: At points in your writing you introduce non-critical information with parentheses; I would instead subtly insert the information within normal writing. Also, I'd replace the two ellipses surrounding "well" with commas.

IdEaBoNe wrote:I sit at lunch with a few people (my classmates), who don’t even take the same subjects as I do. I know they care but, I don’t feel it because, I know it’s not real. They’ll crack jokes and I’ll show that I’m laughing my head off but, inside nothing is elevating my depressed mood. My face returns to the same somber expression, taking a bite out of whatever I packed for lunch this morning. They all talk about academics, future, how their lives will be in the next ten years or so.

There's the parentheses again. I'd just say "with a few classmates who..." Also, you've misplaced two commas; one goes between "care" and "but" and the other between "off" and "but" In addition, I'd change "future" to "the future."

The conclusion seems abrupt since you simply summarize your work, and I can't sense a critical change in the tone that would indicate that you're wrapping up your writing. Perhaps you intended this, but I think it could use improvement.

If you fix some mechanical errors and clarify things a bit where I became confused or misled, I'd say you have QUITE a piece of writing!

All in all, what you have here is a journal entry, not a story. Unfortunately, we're looking for a story here: exposition, conflict, resolution. But all you have here is exposition. Take what you have here and build on it. Make the narrator a character and make that narrator do something instead of give us commentary.

Around this site, you'll see a lot of "show, don't tell." That is, the difference between these two lines:
1) My sister is the craziest person I know
2) My sister paints herself in mud, stalks the woods at night, strangles small animals, and throws poo at passing cars.
See what I mean? Sentence 1 tells us something, but the statement is just "eh" and passing and easily forgotten. Sentence 2 shows us just how crazy she is and would shake up my neighbor if I told him that.
Likewise,

Then, I forget about all my worries for a split second. I remember how I loved being hyper and happy. I recall all those days when I wanted everyone to smile and see that the world was a better place

just tells us a bunch of things without seeking to connect on a deeper level. While I'm talking about this part:

I recall all those days when I wanted everyone to smile and see that the world was a better place; as I used to see it.

Misuse of a semicolon. Semicolons separate two independent clauses (read: two complete sentences) that are closely related in idea. Such as "I had learned Latin for nothing; no one spoke it in Latin America." But "...as I used to see it" does not qualify.

Anyway, you have a good grasp of language and vocabulary, but your usage is rather heavy-handed. You milk words like "melancholy" and "empty" and "happiness" (or lack thereof). Don't just rely on buzz words like this, otherwise you come across as mopey. Show us that you can examine the emotions and divine something deeper from them. Something visceral. Something unique. Something honest.
For example, maybe you could hint at the "why." Delve into the complexity and come up with something that rings with "you-ness" and "truth."

The parentheses I could do without. They don't feel justified and their contribution is small and instead suggest a bit of messiness.

Sooo that's that. Let me know if you have any questions.