The Dance of The Horse

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It's a little choppy, but I think it matches the poem. So, enjoy. I'm proud of this :D


Time is frozen.
The air is blowing through his thick black mane.
I can't remember anything,
but the stringy muscles stretched tight,
poised to fall off the earth.

We're hovering between time and dreaming,
And we love it.

I am part of him,
my legs feeling the stress his do.

The edge of time is ticking, and I grab his mane,
holding tight.
I mustn't let go,
My mind one with his.

His soft muzzle against my hand,
even if it's not there,
I can feel it.

Velvet treads,
Soft against the packed clouds beneath his hooves.

This will end,
and when it does,
we'll be one again.

His hooves,
smooth like a black piano,
patter on the clouds.
1,2,3 1,2,3
Like a slow waltz at a ball.

Some say that the dancers of heaven
could never rival a horses gait.

A gait some dream-like with simplicity
it could keep even the wildest animal at bay,
for even a fairy could not cotend with the dance of the horse.

I'm low on this neck,
my breath tickling his ear with honeysuckled sweetness.

His eyes are bright with mischief,
and you can see the pain behind those mirrors, of our own hearts.

Suffering and loss,
Is what this horse hath inured,
but he has never ceased.

The dance of the Horse.
Last edited by LadySpark on Mon Oct 03, 2011 12:34 am, edited 2 times in total.
hush, my sweet
these tornadoes are for you


-Richard Siken


Formerly SparkToFlame




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Wow, this is really good. I really enjoyed this poem, and seeing as I have a horse as well, I obviously enjoyed your topic. I really love horses and I really think this described just what a horse is about. I think you did an excellent job.

Now, on to my nitpicks.

Time is frozen.
The air is blowing through his thick black mane.
I can't remember anything,
but the stringy muscles [I don't really like the way this is worded here. When I think stringy, I think meat. The kind you eat. And then that, plus horse, is very disturbing. But that's because of the way I think, so I'm not saying it's necessarily you, but rather the way I interpret it.] streached [stretched] tight,
poised to fall off the earth. [I don't really get this part. Why would the horse, or it's muscles, be poised to fall off the earth? It might just be my simple mind that is the problem here, though, so take it as you will]


We're hovering between time and dreaming,
And we love it.

I really think this is an awesome piece here. I don't usually like it when 'And' begins something, but this is great :D

Some say that the dancers of heaven
could never rival a horses gait.
Oooh, I really like this part XD

A gait some dream-like with simplicity

This was a little confusing to me, but again, it could just be me. I just don't really get what you're saying. 'some dream-like' ??

His eyes are bright with mischief,
and you can see the pain behind those mirrors of our own hearts. [So, his pain or ours? I'm sorry, my brain is just very stupid I guess T.T But if you are talking about his pain, then, wasn't it just mischief there? What changed? ...Maybe I'm just being to nitpicky...]


Suffering and loss,
Is what this horse, [Is what this horse what? I'm sorry! T.T I must seem very stupid to you.]
but he has never ceased.


So, despite my incoherent rambling, I thought this was very good. I think it flowed pretty well, and I love some of the imagery you have packed in there! Great job!
A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.
~Albert Einstein

I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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I am the author of my life. Unfortunately I'm writing in pen and I can't erase my mistakes. . .
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Hm, I like this. You definitely captured the beauty of a horse, here. :)
I do have some nitpicks, though.
Time is frozen.
The air is blowing through his thick black mane.
I can't remember anything,
but the stringy muscles stretched tight,
poised to fall off the earth.

I'll again agree with the "stringy muscles" comment that TaylaChase made.

His soft muzzle against my hand,
even if it's not there,
I can feel it.

This confused me for a second. Are you actually there, sitting on the horse, or are you just remembering sitting on it?

His hooves,
smooth like a black piano,
patter on the clouds.
1,2,3 1,2,3
Like a slow waltz at a ball.

I didn't find anything wrong with this stanza, but I just have to say that this was my absolute favorite of the whole poem. :)

A gait some dream-like with simplicity
it could keep even the wildest animal at bay,
for even a fairy could not cotend with the dance of the horse.

The grammar in the first line confused me for a minute, and did you mean to put "contend" in the last line?

And also in the very last line, I don't know if you meant to make horse capitalized or not.
But this is a good poem, nitpicks aside. Keep writing!! :)
"The difficulty of literature is not to write, but to write what you mean." -Robert Louis Stevenson
"Write or die trying."
JA hatar pisanje.



You're a hairy, wizard!
— EllieMae