Jane Doe

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----Please Note: I wrote this as a song, but I'm posting it as a poem because I think it sounds better. Also, I have weird dream-things, where I wake up inspired to write, and this is one of them. Please, please let me know if this is too similar to a song or a poem already out there, because I have written things just like something I've never seen before in my life. If this has already been done, I'll get it deleted, just let me know, and please don't spaz. Anyway, this was written a while back, and I'm not the best writer, so, yeah. ----

A glimmer of hope,
a flash of realization.
Then, the curtain falls,
the mask reappearing.

Gone was the child,
Gone was the innocence,
in her place was a
Jane Doe.

Nobody knew who she was,
what she had become,
her parents wondered where their
little girl wandered off to

Gone was the child,
Gone was the innocence,
in her place was a
Jane Doe.

Tears of frustration,
cries of fury,
endless sorrow.

Gone was the child,
Gone was the innocence,
in her place was a
Jane Doe.

She looked in the mirror, not recognizing
who she saw.
A creature with ragged flesh,
eyes an empty casket.

A reflection of her soul,
what she is
a heart of black stone,
lungs of dark smoke

Gone was the child,
Gone was the innocence,
in her place was a
Jane Doe.
No turning back,
no reversing the past,
the Jane Doe is
me.


This seems really, really familar, so if its been done, let me know! I would never copy someone's work on purpose!
Last edited by Epicdonkalous on Sat Oct 01, 2011 3:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"... syphon the white from my heart, lick the wine from my lips and enjoy the deconstruction of me"




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Hi there!
I'm not a huge poetry reader, but I personally have never read anything like this!
Onto the poem: I thought it was brilliant! A lot of the time I find when I do review poetry it has a strong message or is powerful but it doesn't flow quite right. Yours, on the other hand, was completely fluent.
Also I didn't notice any spelling or grammar errors, so good on you for that!

Gone was the child,
Gone was the innocence,
in her place was a
Jane Doe.
No turning back,
no reversing the past,
the Jane Doe is
me.


-My favourite part is definitely this last stanza. And the ending! The way you tied it together with revealing that you are the Jane Doe was unexpected in my opinion.
Overall, very well written!
Thanks for the awesome read, and happy writing :)
-Briggsy
but the sky is love and i am for you
just so long and long enough
-E.E. Cummings




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Hi!

I've never heard of anything like this. I found this poem really interesting. I could see how you thought it could possibly be a song, but I think it does work much better as a poem.

I really liked the repeated verse, and my favourite verse had to be the ending. I love how you made the 'me' bold to empathize it. I don't think you should've repeated the word though. And if you did, why was it to the side.

Nice job!

Deanie x
Trust in God and all else follows.

Deanie, dominating the world since it was cool @Pompadour, 2014
Your username reminds me of a hotdog @Stegosaurus, 2015
Tried to make puns out of your username, but every attempt has been Deanied @Candywizard, 2015




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Thanks, you guys. c: No, that was my first me, that I realized it wasn't centered, so I guess I forgot to delete it. xD It is gone now.
"... syphon the white from my heart, lick the wine from my lips and enjoy the deconstruction of me"



Painting is poetry that is seen rather than felt, and poetry is painting that is felt rather than seen.
— Leonardo da Vinci