For the Black Raven

To fallow
To guide,
I never thought twice.

To fight
And forgive
Was never as hard as this

To run
And mute
Is what i have to do

To keep me sane
And you away
All alone.

Your experiments
Your freedom
Are going to blow.

In the dust
Will be rubble.
All that remains.

Unless you change
Your little ways
Your motto.

Theres nothing I can say.
To change your mind
I've tried and tried.

To keep you safe,
To know your there.
To hold on to a wild mare.

The toll of death
Is surely to ring
Loud and high.

When that bell sounds
The tears will fall
There I'll stand dressed in black.

Waiting for the sun to set
And for the buttons to buckle
Down my back.

Tie me up
and throw me down,
there i'll lay without a sound

Just as quiet as I am now
Forever and Always
Was just to long for you.

Now we just have to see,
What will happen.
I hope I don't see this poem come true because of you.

I really like the style of this, but I think you might have some trouble with typos and things. For example, this phrase:
"Your experiments
Your freedom
Are going to blow.

In the dust
Will be rubble. "
Is the period in the right spot? Could there be a word missing?
Also is the first word really fallow or is it supposed to be follow? Either would work but the meaning shifts dramatically. Ther's other places like that whre I'm not sure the words are what they should be.
One other criticism, I have a thing about capitalizing I. I think using a small i detracts from the serious of the matial. But that's just me being picky.

The theme is really heavy but you manage to give it a really good flow. Some of the lines gave me shivers. I really liked " To fight And forgiveWas never as hard as this" I think it really set the tone well.

Hey Amberchelli,

This was so great and a little different to what I've previously read. My only critique? Just
watch your grammar in some areas, know when to step back from all feelings and emotions
of the poem and edit it out.

Otherwise, I love it's short-lined rhyming style. It was so effective because you got to the point
really quickly, adding extra drama and deep feeling. The last line was too good and it really
came as a dramatic, final blow to whom you were writing this to/about.

Awesome, is all.

Miyakko.

I really like the form that you chose to write in. The three lines. It;s really good!

I don't really know much about poetry, so I'm not sure how well I'll be able to review this, but I'll give it a go anyway.

To fallow [Is this supposed to be 'follow'?]
To guide,
I never thought twice.

To fight
And forgive
Was never as hard as this

To run
And mute
Is what I have to do

To keep me sane
And you away
All alone. [This stanza is quite vague; it doesn't really give us information or convey feeling, because the imagery isn't clear.]

Your experiments
Your freedom
Are going to blow.

In the dust
Will be rubble.
All that remains. [These two stanzas seem like they are connected. As individual stanzas, they don't make much sense.]

Unless you change
Your little ways
Your motto.

There's nothing I can say.
To change your mind
I've tried and tried.

To keep you safe,
To know you're there.
To hold on to a wild mare. [I really like this line, for some reason.]

The toll of death
Is sure to ring
Loud and high.

When that bell sounds
The tears will fall
There I'll stand dressed in black.

Waiting for the sun to set
And for the buttons to buckle
Down my back.

Tie me up
and throw me down,
There I'll lay without a sound. [These two stanzas almost seem to describe a straitjacket. I was wondering if that was what you were eluding to?]

Just as quiet as I am now
Forever and Always
Was just too long for you.

Now we just have to see,
What will happen.
I hope I don't see this poem come true because of you. [Consider revising this line. It is sort of an awkward closer, especially since it breaks the rhythm you had going throughout the rest of the poem.]

It's an interesting poem; it had a pretty easy style, and a good theme. Keep up the good work!