The Day I Stopped Believing ( Redo )

I remember that day I stopped believing in you.
The waves rose high above me
like your build had once done,
picking me up with your broken dreams
and pushed me down under before running.
The day I squished my toes into the sand, 
etched our names side-by-side;
watched as the waves came too soon,
washed our names away along with lost days

Predictably you never showed,
even the ocean waves cannot wash away
the pain of being forgotten.

I let the waves wash away the memories of you,
the memory of that day: another day you didn’t show.

Girl- that was extraordinary!
I can really feel the heartbroken pain pouring out of the words. When I read that I saw a mental image of the scene, perfect in every way. I hope you write more like this, you really have a way with words that everybody should admire. I wish I lived near you just so that I could listen to more poems like this quicker than at the moment. I just hope that didn't sound too spooky or creepy. Anyway- really liked The Day I Stopped Believing, every girl can sympathise with the character. I've had the same experience too many times.

This was some good stuff here. Anyway, I have a few nitpicks to bother you with.

I remember that day I stopped believing in you.
The waves rose high above me [Wait, like ocean waves? Waves don't really get high enough to go above you unless you're talking about a tsunami]
like your build had once done, [I don't really like the wording used here. Maybe you could come up with a different word than build? It just kinda breaks the flow of the poem.]
picking me up with your broken dreams
and pushed me down under before running. [I don't really like the way you used 'picking' and then 'pushed' I think it would sound better if you either used 'picking me up' and 'pushing me down' or 'picked me up' and 'pushed me down'. It just makes it flow smoother.]
The day I squished my toes into the sand,
etched our names side-by-side;
watched as the waves came too soon,
washed our names away along with lost days

Predictably you never showed,
even the ocean waves cannot wash away
the pain of being forgotten.

I let the waves wash away the memories of you,
the memory of that day: another day you didn’t show. [I like the way you end it. These last few lines sum it up pretty well ]

So, I really liked this poem. It flowed pretty nicely and the emotions were evident enough in it. I think you did a good job with it

~Tayla