Secrets of Asyra [Chapter One]

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Well, it's been a while, hasn't it? Here's some prose for you. It's fairly recent and I'm pretty sure there's a few typos and whatnot in amongst it. Feel free to correct them and point out anything else that feels awkward/off, etc. Thanks to those who read it before I posted it--you know who you are! Enjoy!


Chapter 1

Asyra is normally a peaceful city. At least, it was during the sunrise, when the sunlight would hit the sea of cloth, wood and stone, bringing out a thousand colours and reflecting the sunlight back towards the sky. I found myself on the temple steps, sweeping dust back out as I watched the sky go from dark indigo to deep red-orange and finally, pale pink. It truly was a beautiful veiw from up here, and I loved it.

Yes, the temple was built at the highest point of the cliffs to the east. Across the sea of city streets from me, sat the palace. It was in darkness. I wasn't surprised. The palace servants would be getting up about now, and as I watched, lights started to come on. That would be the servants lighting the lamps. I smiled and returned to my sweeping.

Before I could do more than take a step, footsteps echoed through the temple courtyard and I looked up. It was the first time I would see him, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. He was tall and tanned with pitch black hair and sad, sad eyes. He carried a sword and looked like a warrior. He walked straight past me, almost too close to be proper, and into the temple. He had even looked at me for longer than glance--way longer, if I think about it. He must have been watching the temple for a while if he wasn't surprised to see me sweeping the temple steps. He didn't talk, though. He just looked at me, and with such a strange something in his gaze.

He made me curious and I didn't know why.

As he disappeared inside the temple, I put down my broom and frowned. Should I follow him? Should I see what he was doing here? Temptation and curiousity wared with common sense and duty. Temptation and curiousity won out. I followed him into the temple. I was probably going to get into trouble and I didn't care.

He was kneeling before the altar, muttering something in a very low voice. I couldn't hear a word he said, he was that quiet. It looked like he was praying, with his head bowed and his sword on the floor to his left. Why anyone would bring a sword into the temple was beyond me, but I let it be. He was just praying, right? He wasn't here to kill anyone.

I slid to my left and into the shadows beyond the pillars that made up the central aisle. He fell silent long before I reached the corridor to the left of the altar. I stood still as he brought his head up, eyes flickering my way. But he didn't say anything.

Light footsteps brought his head round to the right, towards the corridor opposite where I stood. My mistress, the temple's High Priestess, appeared out of the darkness and approached him. He didn't move and she just looked at him.

I watched them. Isranda, the High Priestess, looked up and into the shadows where I hid. She didn't appear to see me, but then again, she was full of trickery. I sighed when she returned her gaze to him. He inclined his head to her, showing respect. Oh, yes. Temple Arasya's High Priestess demanded respect.

"Come with me," she said, flicking a glance back to me. I had no doubtd, now, that she could see me. The man with the sword rose slowly, the sword in his left hand. "It would be best if you left that on the altar, my friend." Isranda's expression was stern.

He heeded the warning for what it was and turned towards the altar. Gentely, oh so gently, he placed the sword on the altar, bowing to it. He must have whispered a prayer, since Isranda's expression softened somewhat. Then he straightened up and turned back to my Mistress. Her expressioned slipped back to stern.

"This way," she said. She turned and disappeared into the shadowy corridor opposite me. He cast a glance my way before following her. I waited until they were gone before creeping out into the well-lit hall and over to the altar. And to the sword.

The sword was a beautiful thing, all gold and silver and pretty ribbons. I reached forward tentatively, touching the tip of my finger against a dark red ribbon, and then the blue one next to it and the black one beside that. I giggled, moving on to twirling it through my fingers. There was also a chain attached to the handle. It had several little silver bells on it. I picked up the chain, delighted to hear the bells tinkle as I shook it.

When the delight of the bells and ribbons faded, I picked it up, sliding the sword out part-way. I saw nothing but the blade. There were intrict designs etched into the blade, all swirling and twining together. I pulled it all the way out, eyes tracing the designs. It was so, so beautiful. What kind of man had such a beautiful sword? Did he use it to kill people? Did he have it just as decoration? What was the sword meant to be for?

Footsteps echoed through the temple, drawing my attention back to Isranda and the mysterious man who owned such a intricately decorated sword. Hastily, and with shaky fingers, I slid the sword back into the scarrab and put it back down on the altar. I retreated swiftly to my hiding place from before and leaned against the wall, watching the far side of the temple. Isranda and the man appeared out of the darkness and approached the altar. I pressed myself back against the cool stone and waited.

"Thank you for the confession, friend," Isranda said and cast a look towards my hiding place. I know, Isranda, I thought, scowling. I think we've established the fast that nothing escapes your notice, even my attempt to hide in the shadows of the main temple. He bowed to her and retireved his sword, flicking a subtle glance in my direction. I almost groaned out loud. I couldn't fool anybody, could I?

He didn't say anything as he turned and left the temple.Isranda stood there for a long time, staring after him with a thoughtful expression on her face. I crept back along the wall, trying to escape into the Inner Sanctum of temple where us Maidens slept. Isranda suddenly turned towards me.

"Aisha," she said and moved back to the altar. "You can come out now."

I swallowed and shifted forwards. Isranda laid a hand on the dark, stone altar. She didn't look my way, didn't even give me a glance. She expected me to do as she asked, withotu question. I did; I left the shadows and crossed to stand a few steps behind her. She didn't turn around.

"You did not see that young man today," she stated with absolute sureness. It was liek she knew I wouldn't talk. I bowed my head. She knew me well. I won't be talking about him today. She hadn't said anythign about tomorrow yet. Somehow, I had a feeling he'd be back tomorrow. "You may return to the Inner Sanctum now."

I raised my head, blinked. Had she just dismissed me? Yes, yes she had. I didn't fight that command. I just turned and headed for the corridor that had been my hiding place moments earlier. As I disappeared into the shadows, I heard her say something.

"I hope you know what you are doing, Alt-ur, Guardian of the Lost, Master of Mercy and Lord of the Raging Waters. Brother, I hope you know what it is you are doing here."

I had no idea what she was talking about. I'd never heard of Alt-ur or whatever she called him. But, if the titles she gave him were any indication, it seems that he may well be a god. I wasn't really surprised. Isranda talked to the gods and goddesses like that were familer. It was like she knew them on a personal level of some kind. And sometimes, it was like she was one. I put aside thoughts of immortals and Isranda and mortal (or maybe it was immortal?) affairs and disappeared into the Inner Sanctum fo Temple Arasya. Hopefully, my dreams wouldn't be disturbed tonight.


Two days went by and I didn't see him. The sun rose, the sun set and he didn't come back. I was sure I'd see him, but obviously he didn't read my mind. Either that, or someone didn't want him coming back. Or didn't want me to see him. It only made me more curious. And I had to wonder, who would want that?

Isranda spent her time giving us Maidens lesson. Within the Inner Sanctum. It was like she was worried about something. But what would she be worried about? It wasn't like anyone was after the Temple Maidens, was it? It was strange, being taught inside the temple and not out in the courtyard. But we adjusted. We had to.

That night, I decided to sneak out. Caira, fellow Temple Maiden, had found out about my plan and decided to join me--if only to keep me from doing something incredibly stupid. There was no dobut in her mind that she thought I'd do something stupid and get into trouble for it. I had more faith in myself than she did.

It was very dark in the temple when we snuck out through the main entrance. And it was incredibly easy to sneak out, too. The Temple was deserted and, if I was right, Isranda would be asleep. There were no guards since this was a temple, and it didn't really matter if anyone stole into the main hall at night, regardless of stealing something or not. Isranda was not to be crossed. As High Priestess, she had to right to request whatever she wanted of the King and he'd give it to her. If that was the life of a thief who broke into the Temple and stole from it, then so be it. He couldn't deny the woman anything. It was rather amusing, actually, to think about.

We were out of the main entrance yard and down on the street before we realised it. I glanced towards Caira and she smiled, breaking out in a muffled giggle. "That was easy," she whispered to me and I grinned. That it was, I thought, but I didn't say it.

"Yeah," I whispered back and skipped around a corner. Caira kept up with me, laughing. "Keep it down!" I told her in a low voice and she muffled her laughter. I shook my head, still smiling.

We round another corner and froze, our smiles and laughter gone. A man stood before us, hooded and cloaked. In his hand was a bloodied dagger. Caria crept back a step, grabbing my arm and tugging me with her. The man just watched us.

"I'm sorry," Caira rambled, tugging at me harder. "We didn't mean to..." Here, she swallowed and tightened her grip on my arm.

"Interrupt?" the man asked, completing her sentence for her. I glanced at Caira. She nodded. When I looked back at the back, he'd taken a step closer. "What are a couple of Temple Maidens doing out of their Temple in the middle of the night?" He asked, wondering out loud what we could be up to. I knew then that I really, really didn't want to touch him. Who knows what I'd see if I did.

"Just going for a walk," I inserted smoothly, grabbing Caira's hand tightly. She whimpered, half-hiding behind me. The man took another step closer. "Come on, Cai, we better get back to the, uh, Temple, right?" She didn't answer, and that was when I realized she'd slipped out of my hold and ran for it--without me noticing.

"I see," the man said and raised a hand. I flinched, backing up a step. I was wary. Would he try to grab me? But all he did was scratch at his head under the hood. Frozen, I could only stare. "Would you like me to escort you back?"

I jumped, glancing towards where his face should be--covered in shadows because of his hood. "What?"

"Would you like me to escort you back to the Temple," he said, repeating what he had said earlier and addnig on the 'where' part. He didn't exactly sound impressed--or happy to do so either. He sounded annoyed. I didn't want to stay and find out why. It was probably because I'd seen that bloody dagger.

"Um, no," I said, backing up yet another step. He just moved one step forward again. The dagger remained within my line of sight, in the hand hanging down beside him. My gaze flickered down to it than back to the darkness where his face should have been. "No thank you," I added. "I think I can make it back by myself."

He lunged forward with his empty hand. "I don't think so," he hissed. Now I felt threatened, when there was none before. His hand landed on my arm and something warm flooded my body. A moment later, he reared back, cursing me out in every way he knew. I'd seen something that moment he had touched me. A dark room, red coating pale skin and silky white cloth. It made me shudder.

"Don't," I hissed. He looked at me, and even though I could see his face, I could swear he giving me a strange look, as if to say 'what was that?' before shaking his hand. He raised the dagger, moonlight glinting off the blade with a sickly red tint to it. I swallowed, backing up. "I'll scream if you try."

"Go on, it won't matter." There was a sneer in his voice. "I'll just slit your throat first." My back hit a wall and I screamed as he lunged forwards. Suddenly he was on me, dagger pressed to my throat. He slapped a hand over my mouth, muffling my cries. "Now, let's make a pretty little puzzle out of you, shall we?"

His hood had fallen back and now I could see his face, his eyes. He looked furious, his expression twisted in anger and disgust. How could he hate me? Hate anything in the world? It wasn't worth it to hate something. I knew that, and it was something Isranda had been teaching us. His eyes were cold when I met his gaze. I suddenly knew that he wanted this, wanted to kill me and cut me up, and leave me for the next poor person walking down this street to find.

"Let her go."

The man pulled back slightly, turning to give the street a glance. Over his shoulder, I saw another hooded figure step out of the shadows.The man who had me pinned snorted and strightened up, pulling me with him. He pulled me round in front of him and jerked me back against him, my back to his chest and his dagger still pressed to my throat.

"Why should I?" he asked, amusment colouring his voice. The other man approached him, footsteps slow and measured. I waited, watchnig the newcomer.

"Because," he began, stopping only a few feet from me. "I'll kill you if you don't."

The man holding me suddenly moved, withdrawing his dagger and pushing me forwards, into the other man. When I'd recovered and straightened up, the man who'd attacked me was gone and I was being held to the other man's chest, his arms around my waist. I quickly pulled away, breaking his hold.

"Are you alright?" he asked as I straightened out my skirts and brushed haired out of my eyes. I shot him a glance.

"I'll be fine," I muttered, rubbing at my throat. I knew there'd be a thin line of red there later--when I got around to checking it. When I looked up, he was gone. I sighed, frustrated and headed back to the temple, my footsteps echoing through the empty stone-paved streets.


Isranda begain the morning lessons the next day as if nothing had happened. And it hadn't. At least, not to her. But I was still shaking. Who had tried to kill me last night and who had saved my life? I was pretty sure that there was only one way to find out, and that was to sneak out again. Although, I had my doubts about that. What if the assassin was out again tonight? What if I ran into him again? It also hurt that Caira had abandoned me. She didn't question me, didn't even look at me. It was almost as if she thought I was a ghost, come back to haunt her.

"Aisha, are you even paying attention?"

I blinked and looked up. Isranda was scowling at me. "Uh," I said and then sighed. "Could you repeat the question, mistress?"

Isranda shook her head and repeated the question for me. This time, I heard it and answered. Then I went back to thinking. Or rather, trying to. Someone was tugging on my skirt. I glanced to my right. Caira was sitting there, her eyes on my face.

What happened? She mouthed, tilted her head sideways. I knew she'd seen the small cut on my throat. She blinked and waited. I sighed and shook my head.

Later. I mouthed back and turned to watch Isranda speak. I heard a sigh from beside me but ignored it. I spent the rest of the morning trying to avoid Caira, but she caught up with me in our room at midday.

"What. Happened."

I turned from fixing my bed to see her standing in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest. I sighed and moved to sit on my bed. Caira moved into the room, pullnig the door shut behind her. I waited until she was sitting on her bed across from me.

"I almost had my throat slit, Caira," I said, my grip on the edge of my bed tightening. She gasped. "But I was lucky. This other man came out of nowhere and got him to let me go." She was tense across from me. "I think they were assassins," I whispered.

"Both of them?" she whispered the question, eyes on my face. I didn't look at her as I nodded. "Wow. How did you know?" My head shot up and I glared at her. "Oh, right. Sorry." She looked slightly guilty now. I knew why; she'd forgotten about my little 'gift'.

"It was so odd," I murmured thoughtfully. "It was like I knew him."

Caira snorted. "Him who?" she asked. "The one trying to kill you or the one saving your life?"

I leaned forwards, about to stand. "The one saving my life." I didn't elaborate or say anything else. I just left the room. I knew Caira would stay and think about that for a while before coming to find me and try to get me to talk again. I'd told her enough; she could be happy with that or forget about it.


The next morning, I was sweeping the steps as usual when he appeared at the gates. I stopped sweeping and stared. He stared right back, and for a long time, we stayed like before he blinked and looked away, breaking the spell. Then he stepped into the main entrance yard and slowly walked up to the temple steps and right past me, disappearing inside. I stood there, staring after him blankly.

Waiting wasn't my strong point. It never had been. So I snuck into the Temple and slowly wandered down to the altar. His sword was there again but he wasn't. I glanced to my left, then my right. The main hall was empty. I was alone.

"Why did you follow me?" The voice startled me and I span around to find him standing several feet behind me, his gaze on the floor to his right. He didn't look at me, just stood there.

I stared at him, head tilted to one side. He looked much the same as the last time I'd seen him, but something was niggling at me, just out of reach. "Why are you here?" I asked him, ignoring his question. I wasn't about to tell him that I was obsessed with him.

His lips curled upwards--just slightly, but noticable enough. He didn't answer as he moved forwards, brushing past me and picking up the sword. I turned to follow his movements, noted the sword in his hand. Suddenly, I was wary. What was he doing?

I watched in silence as he walked back past me, pausing beside me. "I came to see you," he said in a very quiet voice before he was moving again, leaving me standing there. Stunned.

By the time I managed to turn around, he was gone.

"Aisha?" I turned at the sound of Isranda's voice. She was standing behind me and she looked very, very surprised. I stared at her. "Aisha, are you alright? You look pale. Did he do something?"

I just kept on staring at her. No, he didn't, I thought and finally found my voice. "No," I murmured, turning back to watch the temple's emtrance. That small lift of his lips was all I could see. "No, he just came to pray. I think I startled him."

When I glanced back at Isranda, her lips were pursed and she looked thoughtful again. I tilted my head to one side. "Mistress?" I question, noting the way she jerked and turned to look at me. "Are you alright?"

She chuckled. "I'm fine, Aisha." She made to turn away, paused. "You should get back to your chores, child." Then she disappeared into the corridor on the left. I waited a moment before I left the temple and went back to my chore of sweeping the temple steps.

The sun was warm on my face as I sat on the steps. I had finished sweeping several moments ago and was content to just sit there, basking in the sunlight. Someone sat down beside me and I glanced their way. I relaxed when I saw that it was just Nitya, one of the younger Temple Maidens.

I watched her brush dark hair out of her eyes and tilt a smile in my direction. "Nitya," I said and she ducked her head, blushing. I smiled fondly. She was one of the shy girls. I reached over and ran a hand through her hair. "What brings you out here?" I asked.

She gave the area a quick glance before moving to lean her head on my shoulder. "I saw someone," she whispered with a dream sigh. "I couldn't help sneaking out of the Temple the other night. He...he was so gentle."

I looked away from the dreamy expression on her face. Somehow, I knew she'd be running away from the Temple tonight. I didn't say anything, just let her lean into me. We let the sun soak into our skin. This moment, it was somehow peaceful. And probably the calmest I'd been since I almost had my throat cut the other night.

"I'm going to run away with him, Aisha," she whispered, dragging my attention back to Nitya. She lifted her head from my shoulder. "He's gorgeous and a Lord. He wants to marry me." I sighed and put my arm around her shoulders. She laid her head back down. We stayed that way for a long time.

When the sun was a little lower in the sky, Nitya lifted her head and slid out from under my arm. I watched her silently. I waited, knowing she was going to speak. She smiled at me and it broke my heart.

"Goodbye Aisha," she murmured and disappeared back into the Temple. I watched her go before standing and picking up the broom. I went inside, returned the broom to the corner just inside the main entrance and wandered deeper into the Temple's main hall and up to the altar. I knelt before it and brought my hands together. I closed my eyes and prayed.
"With friends like you, who needs a medical license?"
- Paimon, Aether's Heart


“It's easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission.”
- Grace Hopper.




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Hey there, I'll deal with the spelling and grammar stuff first.

It truly was a beautiful veiw from up here, and I loved it.

Needs to be 'ie' instead of 'ei'.

He had even looked at me for longer than glance--way longer, if I think about it.

The 'way longer' here is a bit colloquial for me, but if you think it suits the character then that's fine.

Temptation and curiousity wared with common sense and duty.

There are two 'r's in 'warred'.

I had no doubtd, now, that she could see me.

Get rid of the 'd' at the end of 'doubt', it's probably just a typo though.

Gentely, oh so gently, he placed the sword on the altar, bowing to it.

The second 'e' in 'gently' isn't needed.

Her expressioned slipped back to stern.

The 'ed' at the end of 'expression' isn't needed.

There were intrict designs etched into the blade, all swirling and twining together.

It's spelt 'intricate'.

Hastily, and with shaky fingers, I slid the sword back into the scarrab and put it back down on the altar.

I presume you mean 'scabbard' here.

He bowed to her and retireved his sword, flicking a subtle glance in my direction.

Again, probably just a typo, but it's spelt 'retrieved'.

She expected me to do as she asked, withotu question. I did; I left the shadows and crossed to stand a few steps behind her.

Another typo in 'without'.

It was liek she knew I wouldn't talk.

Same again with 'like'.

She hadn't said anythign about tomorrow yet.

And again with 'anything'.

Isranda talked to the gods and goddesses like that were familer.

It's spelt 'familiar'. Also, do you mean 'they' instead of 'that'?

When I looked back at the back, he'd taken a step closer.

You need to rephrase 'looked back at the back', I'm not sure what you mean.

"Just going for a walk," I inserted smoothly, grabbing Caira's hand tightly.

I'm not sure if 'inserted' is the right word to use here.

"Would you like me to escort you back to the Temple," he said, repeating what he had said earlier and addnig on the 'where' part.

Typo in 'adding', however, I don't think the 'and adding on the 'where' part' is necessary.

The man who had me pinned snorted and strightened up, pulling me with him.

Typo in 'straightened'.

I waited, watchnig the newcomer.

And another in 'watching'.

Apart from the few very minor mistakes highlighted above, I really liked the opening to this story. You've used some very effective imagery, especially in the first paragraph that brilliantly describes the scene for the reader. And also, you've left some nice questions in the reader's mind to keep them reading. I certainly will!

Well done. :D




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Dear Author

The story here is extremely interesting, gives a good imagery of the world in which the protagonist sees.
However, there are a few grammar and spelling mistakes that taken a while to spot out, but other than that I find it rather interesting to read, which has got me very curious about the man and his relationship with the High Priestress.
Keep on writing!

From,
N.M.P McConnell
Writer of the Order of the Soilse Thuaidh



I'm a fledgling potato bird that lives in a nest in the rp forums
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