Love Me or leave me

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PROLOGUE
GLACEWOOD
ALEX’S HOUSE
7:35pm
THE GLACEWOOD HIGHLIGHTS
Someone once said that if life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. But another someone also said that if the going gets tough, the tough gets going. You might be able to draw the differences between these two quotes even though both pretty much talk about the same thing, great perseverance, admirable determination even in the face of intolerable adversity….blah, blah, blah. But if you don’t, well let’s just say one, talks about lemons, I’m not really sure what kind of lemons and the other… well, the other, pretty much talks about taking a run for your money. Trying to decipher this lame joke? I’m trying to decipher what could possibly provoke quarterback Ethan Mills to walk out of last night’s GLACEWOOD HIGH versus CORNWOOD HIGH football game. Sources close to the quarterback say it’s just delayed rebellion, the student body says Ethan had an overdose of his own drug, something I like to call arrogance. But I say, something’s going on with this quarter back and to find out, read the next edition of GLACEWOOD HIGHLIGHTS because Alex is on the case!
“So what d’you think?” I asked my best friend Dana on the phone as I re-read the article in hand. Dana was quiet for what seemed like an eternity, which in Dana terms basically means it sucks.
“oh boy, you hate it?”
“It really is a lame joke” She finally said.
I laughed, “yeah I know…but besides that?” I asked trying to sound positive.
“I just need to know if you know what you’re getting yourself into, this is going to blow up”
“I know, isn’t that great?” I beamed.
Dana was quite again, “you’re not getting my point. I think it’s great that you’re writing this, and I love this piece but are you sure writing an expose’ on GLACEWOOD sweetheart Ethan Mills is such a good idea? Especially since you guys have such a history together”. She finally said.
I bit my lower lip feeling the sting of her comment, I didn’t like up bringing the past, especially my past with Ethan.
“And the keyword here my friend is history. If you’re worried I’m going to be biased, well you’re wrong. I’m a reporter and reporting is what I do” I said a bit too strongly.
“I know, but I’m just-“
“Don’t worry Dana, I know exactly I’m getting myself into”
Dana signed, “if you insist”
“It’ll be fine.” I said reassuringly. “Okay, I gotta go, see you at school”
“Okay, bye” She said and hanged up. I signed, feeling the weight of what she said kick in.
“It’ll be fine” I said to myself and picked up my school bag. I was way-over Ethan, that much I was pretty sure of… I just wasn’t over what happened between us. Come to think of it, who would be?



3 YEARS EARLIER…



CHAPTER ONE
Alex strolled effortlessly in the Enchanted Garden, taking in the beautiful scenery of flowers. With each step she took, she felt a sense of a sense of familiarity. I’ve been here before, she thought as she passed by a beautiful bright crowd of red roses. She felt the petal of a golden daffodil briefly brush against her arm sending a chill down her spine. She froze in her tracks in anticipation of the cold that would soon grip her. She was not alone. She knew it. It’s something she felt every time she visited that place, someone was there-watching her every step. But she didn’t know who…and why. She wanted to, but she didn’t have the time or the energy to find out. Because there was something more important she had to figure out. Something which had plagued her mind since her first visit 6 years ago- Why did she keep coming here?
* * * * *
“Stop!Stop!” Alex shouted as her mother’s black sedan jerked to a stop.
“Alex!” Her mom scolded as she jumped out of the car to the main street, her favourite camera hanging around her neck. Anna turned off the car’s ignition then got out of the car. Alex put the camera to her eyes and started taking pictures of the on-going cattle procession across the street. She admired the gracious movement of the scene and trotted closer.
“Careful” Her mom warned, as she inched further closer. Alex nodded and continued taking the pictures. After a while, she replaced the camera to its original position around her neck and walked back to her mother’s parked sedan. Anna shook her head in disbelief as her daughter approached.
“What?” Alex asked innocently, but her sheepish grin gave her away.
“You enjoy giving me a heart attack?” Anna asked as she sat back in the car.
“Sorry” Alex apologized, “But you know what it’s like for us reporters”
“I blame myself” Anna said as she backed out of the street.
“For producing such an inquisitive and talented daughter?” Alex joked.
Anna smiled in spite of herself and said, “Look, all I’m saying is next time I’d like a forward warning before you jump out, okay?”
“Okay” She replied as she reached to the backseat for her bag pack.
“What was that about anyway?”Annie asked as Alex unzipped her bag and carefully placed her camera in it.
“Term project. Mr. Martinez said to capture something of intrigue and mystery, preferably in its natural habitat”
Her mom snorted and rolled over with laughter, stopping upon seeing Alex’s face.
“What?” Alex asked offended.
“Sorry, but I just don’t see what’s so intriguing and mysterious about a cattle show” Anna said.
“You’re kidding me, people pay a lot of money to watch that, you know”
“Yeah, but not to read about it. Look, all I’m saying is perhaps you should consider your options, dig a little deeper, especially if you want an A on the project”
“What options?” She asked, “We live in a town more boring than its name, we both know that nothing interesting ever happens here” Alex complained annoyed.
Don’t be so sure, Anna thought.
“Over here, the closest to intrigue or mystery you’re going to get is a cattle show” Alex said as she opened the door to alight.
“What about The Forbidden?” Her mom asked a quizzical look on her face.
Alex stopped dead in her tracks and turned to face her mother, shock written all over her face.
“Sorry” Anna said, “forget, I mentioned that” she quickly added, a mysterious look on her face.
Alex nodded still in shock, as her mother muttered a quick “bye” and left. Weird. Alex thought. First her mom had banned her from talking about the forbidden, then she herself had mentioned it? Only- she acted very weird about it… like she had something to hide. Weird. She thought. Definitely weird.

* * * *
“Alex!” Dana shouted from the other end of the hallway as she trotted over. Alex stopped walking as she waited for her friend to join her.
“What’s up?” Alex asked when Dana reached her.
“My term project is giving me a headache” Dana complained. “Mr. Daniels said to write about a story historically accurate and set in this community”
“Sounds like fun” Alex offered.
“More like tiring” Dana said, “I have no idea what to write about. And even if I did I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be of any interest to me” She added, “I want romance, and intrigue and mystery and fireworks all at once. But instead, I’m stuck in a town where everybody sleeps”
“Tell me about it” Alex said.
“So how’s yours coming along?” Dana asked.
Alex frowned remembering her mother’s reaction earlier. “Well, I was hoping to make a collage of animal habitats. But right now, I’m not so sure, especially since mom practically laughed at the idea.”
“Well what kind of animals?” Dana asked.
“Cattle mostly” Alex said with Dana bursting into laughter.
“You can’t be serious” She quipped through her laughter. But quickly straightened when she saw Alex’s face. “Oh, you’re serious”
“What is so wrong with a cattle show?” Alex fumed.
“Nothing, really.” Dana said cautiously, “ But it doesn’t really fit the bill if you think about it. There’s nothing really intriguing or mysterious about a cattle”
“You sound like my mother”
“Great minds think alike” Dana boasted.
“Okay then great mind, what do you suggest?” Alex asked crossing her arms over her chest.
Dana threw her arms up helplessly, “I don’t know to be honest, but really anything, anything but a cattle show”
Great, you’re really a lot of help, Alex thought.
“How about the Forbidden?” Alex asked biting her lips.
“You’re kidding right?” Dana said, “that place is strictly off bounds, hence the term “The Forbidden”
“Whatever happened to I want love and intrigue and mystery and fireworks all at once?” Alex teased.
“I don’t remember death being on the list” Dana said sarcastically.
“You honestly believe that make-believe tale?”
“Of course not, I think it’s a load of crap, but I figured whatever it is they’re trying to hide, they must have a pretty good reason”
Alex signed and nodded in agreement, “I guess”
I write because there's nothing left to say...




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Points 823
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This left me wondering, its the kind of suspense every writer hopes to obtain. It left the questions in my mind "What is her past with Ethan?" and "What is the forrbidden?" and "How does it tie in with Alex?" I liked this because it had the perfect mixture of mystery. It was a little jumpy, I couldnt really tell when the 3 years ago scene ended.




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Points 1234
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wow lindsay, you're a good writer. I usually write poems, but read many novels so i have an idea of whats good and whats not and trust me, this is good stuff, it carries great potential.

a few concerns i do have though, especially about spelling and correct use of a few word, that's about the only problem i had with this piece. You should go over your work a good three times before making a final draft, just to make doubly-sure you did not make any silly spelling errors etc.

Also, a bit too much on-going dialogue, don't get me wrong here, the dialogue basically MAKES the story what it is but try to add some written detail or descriptions and thoughts in between long dialogue, especially between Alex and Dana.

please continue with this, i absolutely cannot wait to read the rest. Will Alex actually go to the forbidden falls? Will she take Dana with her? Will she get the story she's looking for, or will she get a little bit more than she bargained for? I'm really looking foreward to it.

I'll follow you, keep me posted on the rest of this.

xoxo,
"B"




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Points 42906
Reviews 240
Hai Lindsay! Kaedee here to review.


LindsayG wrote:Someone once said that if life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. But another someone also said that if the going gets tough, the tough gets going. You might be able to draw the differences between these two quotes even though both pretty much talk about the same thing, great perseverance, admirable determination even in the face of intolerable adversity….blah, blah, blah. But if you don’t, well let’s just say one, talks about lemons, I’m not really sure what kind of lemons and the other… well, the other, pretty much talks about taking a run for your money. Trying to decipher this lame joke? I’m trying to decipher what could possibly provoke quarterback Ethan Mills to walk out of last night’s GLACEWOOD HIGH versus CORNWOOD HIGH football game. Sources close to the quarterback say it’s just delayed rebellion, the student body says Ethan had an overdose of his own drug, something I like to call arrogance. But I say, something’s going on with this quarter back and to find out, read the next edition of GLACEWOOD HIGHLIGHTS because Alex is on the case!

Your start (prologue & the beginning of chapter one) really drew me in. I like how you started with action and interesting dialog, rather than starting off your novel with long and boring descriptions of characters and places. Also, I like your narrator's voice. But, the paragraph I quoted is a bit too long for me, and gets kind of confusing. Is there any way to break it down and make it clearer and shorter?

LindsayG wrote:“What was that about anyway?”Annie asked as Alex unzipped her bag and carefully placed her camera in it.
Where's Annie? Who's Annie? Maybe you could put in some information about Annie in the second sentence here, even if you only say something like: "What was that about anyway?" Annie, the little red head in the backseat, asked.

LindsayG wrote:“Sorry, but I just don’t see what’s so intriguing and mysterious about a cattle show,” Anna said.
Oh! Remember to put punctuation at the end of every sentence in dialog. I dunno where all your periods and commas went o:

LindsayG wrote:“You’re kidding right?” Dana said, “that place is strictly off bounds, hence the term “The Forbidden”
I think having Dana have a bigger reaction would make us even more curious about the Forbidden.

I enjoyed reading all of this! The dialog was fun to read, and I'm liking your main character so far. But, it would be nice if there were physical descriptions of all the characters. I (the reader) wasn't really introduced to any of them.

Good luck! Hope I helped. I'm looking forward to chapter two-

Kaedee
Perfect things in life aren't things.
Spoiler
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*gestures in butterfly meme*
— BluesClues