Dark Wrath: Chapter Six

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Chapter 6

“Let us burn down this village. It will be the perfect location for conquering the Northern lands, My Lord.” A commander smoothly replies as he and his Lord stare down at the large porting which lay upon the Northern lands.

Eyes gleaming in lust for power the Lord whispers softly, “Proceed with your plan, commander. Soon the powers shall become ours.”


With a curt nod the man leaves to assemble the troops. It is time for the Master’s plans to become reality. Smirking at the thought he grips his sword with a dark glint in his eyes.

The man’s arm suddenly jerks and I feel the knife penetrate my side. Face hardening with rage I grip the man’s arm, shattering the bone. Still I can feel the poison running through my veins, lighting them on fire.

Eyes staring down this man with no remorse I whisper softly, “Sealing of Transgression.”

The man stiffens as a web of white light wraps around me and starts to slowly creep in all directions. All the different threads gripping the others of this invasion. As my hand begins to close I can feel the poison starting to enter my brain.

“Milady, search within their hearts and their intentions. May you judge them worthy of their atrocity.” I croak out weakly as my vision begins to fade. I watch as Amana runs up to me.

As I fade out I can hear Yami jeers coldly, “Now I can take over, once more!”

____________________________________________________________________________

I can feel her weaken. The poison spreading through her veins is like an energy boost to me. As she begins to pass out I grip hold of her senses. Laughing in triumph I shout to the skies as my power lashes out at the invaders, “I am Yami!”

Their terrified looks make me smirk in pride. I could scare these worthless humans. Looking around I spot the girl just like me. The little Perdita who stares at me in confusion and hope. Sneering I hiss to her, “Let Mother out.”

Her eyes cloud as the girl lets go of the darkness within. With twin smiles of sadistic the two of us lunch at the people of enemies. Still as our blades are covered with blood the blood lust still plagues us.


“Stop!” Evelyn roars from within as she claws at my control. Her grip slowly grows stronger as the people begin to back away in fear.

“No! I didn’t get to destroy that clan! That worthless clan who hurt us!” I scream in outrage as she steals back control. I watch with distaste as I am locked up within the darkest part of her mind.

Eyes glowing within the dark I hiss in warning, “I will get out of here again! I will destroy that pathetic family.”
May the gentle moon take you into peaceful dreams. May the mighty sun brighten your new days.




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Hello, Soulkana.

Going to give my opinion on a few things.

“Let us burn down this village. It will be the perfect location for conquering the Northern lands, My Lord.” A commander smoothly replies as he and his Lord stare down at the large porting which lay upon the Northern lands.
Using, Northern Lands twice is repetitive. You could have.

"Let us burn this village. It will be the perfect location to conquer the North," A commander said to his Lord.

Eyes gleaming in lust for power the Lord whispers softly, “Proceed with your plan, commander. Soon the powers shall become ours.”
Telling us his eyes gleamed with lust for power is telling and unnecessary because his reply shows that. Maybe have,

Staring down at the porting that lay upon the Northern lands, his Lord's eyes gleamed. "Proceed, Commander. Soon the powers shall become ours."

Anyway, other than what I mentioned, this looked pretty good.
All just my opinion, though I hope my suggestions help in some way.
I understand this is chapter six, so I want to go and read chapter one and see where this began. :)




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Okay this is pretty good but you could make it better. First off, put more details and descriptions in the story. I feel like you are telling us, the readers, what is happening and what the characters are feeling. You are very vague with their feelings. Show us their feelings and their reactions. At first, I was a little confused about the beginning. What does the village look like, and what does their surrounding look like? I understand this is chapter 6; maybe you explained the story more in chapter 1?
:)Life is full of hard times and good times. Lift your chin up, Ladies and Gentlemen.



There is a difference between being poor and being broke: broke is temporary; poor is eternal.
— Robert Kiyosaki