True Love

4 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 560
Reviews 48
I got bored, so I starting writing, review away!

You hold my hand, and my heart sings
And I know that you would never leave
When I lay awake at night thinking of you
I know that you’re thinking of me to
Because what we have babe,
Its true love, my heart is locked
And only you have the key
and no one can touch it
Except for you and me

You say those words, and all I need to do
Is nod and smile, because darling;
You make my life worth while.
You’re my own personal sunshine
The air I breathe, you’re my world,
the wind blowing through me.
In my world, there is no me without you
And the skies have never been so blue
Our love runs so deep
That even the ocean can’t compete
Our love is strong, like an oak tree

The words I have to describe our love,
They match all the stars up above
Our love changes colors, for different types of love
Like leaves in Autumn but it never falls
You’re the guard to my heart and honey
I know it’s protected, you’d never neglect it
I love you so deeply don’t ever get confused
My life begins and ends with you <3

I know the grammar sucks, but that's what I got you guys for lol (:
“Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.”
E. L. Doctorow




Random avatar
Gender None specified
Points 890
Reviews 5
It's very cute, and I really like the messege. The only thing I have to say is: It's doesn't quite flow right. If you know what I mean. I see you're trying to rhyme at some points but then other stanzas seem to be prose. Maybe if you set a concrete pattern for the rhyme, it would be a bit smoother. Or you can also just stick to non-rhyming poetry. I think you'd be really good at it considering the way you described things with great emotion.

Overall, very cute, I liked it :D
I Like your Face. Like, a lot.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 4908
Reviews 165
AngelMarie,

This is amazingly good. It's very sweet and incredibly expressive, and the use of all those similes
was too perfect. Just be careful not to mistake 'to' for 'too'.

Otherwise, awesome stuff. And that last line -- "My life begins and ends with you"
How perfect summed up is that? Your wording and use of language is fantastic. Keep it up!
I can't wait to read more from you!

Miyakko.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 560
Reviews 48
Thank you guys! I just got bored and started typing, and bam! Poem lol. But yeah i wasn't really trying to rhyme, but in some parts it turned out like that. lol. Thanks again (:
“Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.”
E. L. Doctorow



A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.
— Paul Simon