Crescent Moon Chapter 1

I quietly floated around the house knowing everyone would be sleeping. As I did I could hear the claws on the deck and the annoyed pants of Serie out in the snow waiting. I opened the door and let the white moonlight hit me. As I shivered I could feel it coming on. My real form. My clothes ripped off and lightly drifted to the frosted ground and I was now a wolf. I could feel the cold whipping against my pitch black fur. I gave as much of a smile as I could in this form and so I went off with Serie. I creeped down the wooden stairs and looked out on the snow covered trees and sighed. Serie wisely stared at me and scampered down the frozen steps and darted out toward the woods. I quickly followed my baby blue eyes following her every movement. As we rocketed through the forest I couldn't help but think about Hunter, my somewhat boyfriend, and how he had told me about his old life in the orphanage. He was a damaged soul in a world of lost things and memories. I sighed and trampled through the underbrush I watched Serie go cautiously up to the frozen lake and jump right on it. I stared from the little hill over looking the lake. She slipped around the the ice and her claws making marks in the ice. I grunted and realized we were being watched and turned around intently for a sign of life that may be waiting for us to slip up and then it could pounce on it. I spotted yellow eyes poking out from the trees and stiffened up, alerting Serie when I did that someone, something was watching us. She picked her muzzle up from the icey ground and looked around ears standing up on alert. The copper wolf appeared out of the shadows and I realized not only me a Serie went out tonight(we all changed but some decided to stay locked up in there rooms) but so did Dylan our most skilled wolf in fighting and he was always so suttle and calm. Always on his toes but never seeming it. Serie Glanced back down at the ice
she was standing on and began to slip again and ignoring Dylan. Dylan didn't seem pleased with this action and made a sound of disapproval which, of course, Serie Ignored and went back to sliding on the ice in the pale moonlight. Dylan looked at me and motioned toward the ice, sending an image of us sliding around on the frozen lake. I shook my head "no" and trampled off, in search of my house so I could go back and get some more sleep. As I shifted into my human form I tip-toed up the wooden deck the snow burning my feet with every movement. I opened the screen and shifted quietly inside, not to disturb anyone. I shuffled into my warm cozy room were the curtains were drawn and no moonlight could puddle on my floor or bed to make me shift into a wolf. I laid down in my bed and closed my eyes and dreamt about hunter. His green eyes comforting me and drawing me in for one last kiss before the end of school. That's when I finally fell asleep, like, without dreams

Hi there, I'll get the spelling and punctuation stuff out of the way with first, before I move onto content:

As I did I could hear the claws on the deck and the annoyed pants of Serie out in the snow waiting.

There should probably be a comma between 'snow' and 'waiting'.

My clothes ripped off and lightly drifted to the frosted ground and I was now a wolf.

I don't think the clothes should be the subject of this sentence. Try something like 'I ripped off my clothes, letting them lightly drift to the frosted ground...' instead. Or if it's the actual transformation that's doing the clothes-ripping, then maybe go with 'My clothes were ripped/torn/shredded apart and I let them lightly drift...'

I creeped down the wooden stairs and looked out on the snow covered trees and sighed.

You should probably lose the 'and' between 'trees' and 'sighed', replacing it with a comma and 'sighing'.

Serie wisely stared at me and scampered down the frozen steps and darted out toward the woods.

This one's just personal preference, but I think 'stared wisely' reads better than 'wisely stared'.

I quickly followed my baby blue eyes following her every movement.

There should be a comma between the first 'followed' and 'my'. Also, maybe you should change one of the 'followed's, so there isn't two lots of the same word in the same sentence.

He was a damaged soul in a world of lost things and memories.

There's nothing wrong with this sentence, I just love the way you've phrased it and wanted to highlight it.

I sighed and trampled through the underbrush I watched Serie go cautiously up to the frozen lake and jump right on it.

Thereshould really be an 'As' at the beginning of this sentence, with a comma between 'underbrush' and 'I'.

She slipped around the the ice and her claws making marks in the ice.

You could phrase this better as 'She slipped around the ice, her claws making (or scratching) marks in it.'

I grunted and realized we were being watched and turned around intently for a sign of life that may be waiting for us to slip up and then it could pounce on it.

Ok, there's a bit too many 'and's in this sentence, and with no punctuation, there's no room to breathe. You could change it to 'I grunted, realising we were being watched. Turning around, I looked intently for any signs of life that may be waiting for us to slip up, so that it could pounce on us.'

She picked her muzzle up from the icey ground and looked around ears standing up on alert.

There should be a comma between 'around' and ears', you could probably lose the 'on' as well. Also, 'icey' should be spelt 'icy'.

The copper wolf appeared out of the shadows and I realized not only me a Serie went out tonight(we all changed but some decided to stay locked up in there rooms) but so did Dylan our most skilled wolf in fighting and he was always so suttle and calm. Always on his toes but never seeming it. Serie Glanced back down at the ice she was standing on and began to slip again and ignoring Dylan.

Ok, pretty much same problem here as before, not enough punctuation to break up the sentences. You should probably put a full stop after the bracketed sentence. The 'there' used in the brackets is the wrong sort, use 'their' instead. The first sentence could be better read as '...I realised it was not only me and Serie that went out tonight'. With a full stop after the brackets, the new second sentence could be better put 'Dylan, our most skilled wolf in fighting was also out tonight'. After that you could put a semi-colon, followed by the correctly spelt 'always so subtle and calm, always on his toes but never seeming it.' You didn't need the full stop between 'calm' and 'always'. With the final sentence, there shouldn't be a capital G in 'glanced' but that's probably just a typo, also there should be a comma between 'again' and 'ignoring'.

Dylan didn't seem pleased with this action and made a sound of disapproval which, of course, Serie Ignored and went back to sliding on the ice in the pale moonlight.

Just another typo to highlight, the 'I' in 'ignored'. Also, as you've used 'ignoring' in the previous sentence, perhaps you could change it to 'continued to ignore'.

As I shifted into my human form I tip-toed up the wooden deck the snow burning my feet with every movement.

There needs to be commas between 'form' and 'I', and 'deck' and 'the'.

I laid down in my bed and closed my eyes and dreamt about hunter.

Get rid of the second 'and', and replace it with a comma, changing 'dreamt' to 'dreaming'.

That's when I finally fell asleep, like, without dreams

Seriously, get rid of the 'like' here. You don't want things to sound too colloquial.

Right, now all that's out of the way, I can move onto the story itself!

I felt it was perhaps a little too short to really draw the reader in, and would perhaps better serve as a prologue than a first chapter. From what's written, it's a little difficult to be able judge anything about the characters and their personalities. I'm sure that's all going to become clear later on, but for the moment, it is hard to know anything about them without some more information. For example, what exactly is the relationship between the unnamed protagonist, Dylan and Serie. There seems to be some unspoken enmity between Serie and Dylan, and between Dylan and the protagonist, but it's not elaborated on. Of course, if you've got this all planned out, and it's something you're building up to, then that's alright!:D

Hey,
I enjoyed your writing, though it was slightly blocky in places. Like the person said before me maybe you should re-read things before you post them focusing entirely on Grammar and punctuation, you'll be surprised how much bad spelling and grammar can really effect how someone reads it off the page.
Other than that I thought it was a bit short, spend more time on you're character and it could be a lot better. Overall it was good, just work on it a little bit more!
Love,
Evenslily xx