Something Different

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T.J. Alufa


It’s funny!
My so-called love
Now a figment
Of my imagination.

It was right in front of me
Glaring at me
God! I could even
Grab it.

But now,
It’s torn apart and shattered.
Transformed,
From a love in the past,
To that hatred
I now accept.

But then again
Was it really love
Or just lust?

I look at myself
Stripped of all I Know
My cold feet
Scrapes the floor
Poverty smirking at me.

I can only rock back and forward
As the voice of my so-called lover
Glides across my heart
With a hint of mockery, somewhere

Wow! It is funny!
Because death
Looks enticing and pleasurable
Or maybe
It’s a figment of my imagination.
Last edited by Temi on Fri Sep 16, 2011 9:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
Tend your flame. It's what all we've got.




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Hi there!

I enjoyed reading this poem. It has good imagery and I can definitely feel the emotion in this. The flow of this is good too, there's not place I could find that the flow faltered. There's a couple comments/corrections that I have:

Of my imaginations.

Shouldn't this be imagination?

But now,
It’s torn apart and shattered
Transformed
From a love in the past
To that hatredI now accept.

There should be some more punctuation in this stanza. Right now, it just keeps going and doesn't stop. There's no pause where there should be and the reader can't figure out which words you're putting the emphasis on.

Strip of all I Know

It should be stripped, right?

Overall I liked this piece. If you fix a couple of tiny thingd, it'll be great. Keep writing! :)
Noelle is the name, reviewing and writing cliffhangers is the game.

Writer of fantasy, action/adventure, and magic. Huzzah!

* * *

"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done." -- Steven Wright

YWS is life




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Good job!
Well, I really think there should be a little more punctuation in your poem. Sometimes it is hard to understand what you are trying to say, or what you are trying to put emphasis on.
But I really liked your poem. It is simple, short, and seems to flow without any effort. And the fact that words don't rhyme only makes it even better.
Congratulations!
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose
it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been
missing until it arrives.


"This is calm, and it's doctor!" (My DR. Reid -- Best line ever)



Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
— Albert Einstein