The Predictable Poem

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jemjive
Gender Female
Points 3406
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Wed Sep 14, 2011 3:18 am
jemjive says... · Wed Sep 14, 2011 3:18 am
This is so predictable,
and this is so cliché.
But you need to know that you make me feel this way.

I’m slowly going crazy,
your sweet talking is making me blush.
I don’t think this is just a crush.

I can’t get your smile out of my head,
or your laugh out of my ears.
Your happiness chases away all my fears.

I hope you feel the same way,
and I want you to get a clue.
I think I’m falling for you.
Your motor's unstable,
Your like an
Undwinding
Cable
Car.
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Deathcurrent
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Wed Sep 14, 2011 3:26 am
Deathcurrent says... · Wed Sep 14, 2011 3:26 am
Awww... I like the title of your poem, The Predictable Poem. Very original, since many poems are like that. I like how you make the second and third line rhyme in each stanza rather than doing a AB AB rhyme scheme. Nice work. :D
“Logic and practical information do not seem to apply here.” -- Spock from Star Trek

"There's power in stories. That's all history is: the best tales. The ones that last. Might as well be mine."-- Varric Tethras from Dragon Age II
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joshuapaul
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Points 14013
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Wed Sep 14, 2011 4:22 am
joshuapaul says... · Wed Sep 14, 2011 4:22 am
I like the title and the first two lines. I also like Florence.
I think you need to strengthen it up, douse it with a little imagery. I'm not sure if this conforms to the rules of a certain vein of poetry that restricts syllables or lines? If not stretch it out a little and fill it with imagery. I say anyway!

Edit: then again it is lyrical.
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