Uncertainty

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Spoiler
Ok, so... No rhyme intended. This isn't very good. Comment or 'like' (if you like of course) and stuff...


Uncertainty

Just like in the morning air
When you notice on cobwebs and grass
The glistening water particles,
The glimmering drops of dew
And you hesitate to exhale,
Afraid to ruin it all, waste it.

Just like a pair of new shoes
That you’ve kept wrapped for weeks,
That have kept their familiar odour
And that you don’t dare wear outdoors
In case you trod unknowingly
Into a detriment, a loss.

Just like sneaking, tip-toeing
In the dark, to the bathroom
And stepping on that silver squeaking snail
That breaks the once unimaginable silence
With the wails of the baby;
Stillness seems miles away again.

Just like standing at the very frame
Of a newly frozen lake
Pondering upon the fence
If a step would cause a crack,
A beak, a split and a fall;
Drowning into the cold, cold water.

Just as I look deeply into you,
And as I feel your gaze in my cardiac muscle,
I search for a way to release the locked words
I breathe in to find the key
And I hesitate to exhale,
Afraid to ruin it all, waste it.
when she needs to shelter from reality she takes a dip in my daydreams




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I like it, it has a very real feeling that you don't find in many poems. I can really see your personality in your writing, which is a good thing. The only thing is, when you say "cardiac muscle" I think that's cute, but, I don't know, I think it messes with the flow, or something, I can't pin point it, because it fits with your word choices, but it just feels a little off for a second there. I don't know, it might just be me. Other than that, it's a really good poem, very personal. I like how the last line echoes the first stanza. It kinda ties the story together in a nice neat way, I like that a lot. Great poem. Good job. Hope this helps! :)
-tgirly
Go Ravenclaw!
When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel




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just like standing at the very frame
Of a newly frozen lake
Pondering upon the fence
If a step would cause a crack,
A beak, a split and a fall;
Drowning into the cold, cold water.

Just as I look deeply into you,
And as I feel your gaze in my cardiac muscle,
I search for a way to release the locked words
I breathe in to find the key
And I hesitate to exhale,
Afraid to ruin it all, waste it.
Scared to try something? that's what I understood I may be wrong, scared to try or do something maybe it's to perfect and you don't want to ruin the beauty. I LOVED 'I feel your gaze in my cardiac muscel' like someone looking so deep into you, your heart, knowing everything, I'm also thinking maybe it's a 'don't want to ruin the friendship' thing by taking things to the next plateau, anyways I really liked this!

Tidal waves they rip right through me
Tears from eyes worn cold and sad
Pick me up now, I need you so bad
Down down down down




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We were reading "Nothing Gold Can Stay" by Robert Frost, and it kinda reminded me of this poem in a good way. Just thought I'd tell you!
When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel




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I really liked this poem, you had excellent imagery, i could smell the new shoes!

"And stepping on that silver squeaking snail
That breaks the once unimaginable silence
With the wails of the baby;
Stillness seems miles away again." - this was my favorite part! again it was really good imagery!




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Thanks guys! :)
when she needs to shelter from reality she takes a dip in my daydreams



Your presence can give happiness. I hope you remember that.
— Jin, BTS