Feathers in the wind

6 posts
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Oh dear, imprudent fellow –

You –

with your witless whispers, a
tongue iced with scorn;
fingers laced with malicious rumour

have scattered feathers.

They freckle the ground underfoot –
a fateful catalyst.
The soft quills drift frivolously
in the wind, slug venom
into senseless hearts; mar reputation.

But worst of all

they can never be retrieved.




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That sounds like an indictment of internet message boards in general. And a very good one at that!
-=Mary Mary Quite Contrary=-




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I like it. My only problem is that the flow seems a little erratic in parts, I feel like the "a" at the end of the line is kinda isolated. It would make more sense if you did that in the second stanza too. But other than that, I like the poem a lot. I like the theme and your voice. A very nice poem, all in all.
Hope this helps.
-tgirly
When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel




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Pretty good imo. I like it! perfectly dark...as all poetry should be. I'll be checking out your other postings....




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*save spot for review*
I am nothing
but a mouthful of 'sorry's, half-hearted
apologies that roll of my tongue, smoothquick, like 'r's
or maybe like pocket candy
that's just a bit too sweet.

~*~




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Gender Female
Points 668
Reviews 131
Well, it's a short poem that I didn't completely understand the concept of:
Oh dear, imprudent fellow – You – why do you write like this? the portion seemed weird to me.
atongue iced with scorn;- you forgot a space and this sentence was very nicely expressed.
a fateful catalyst.- I don't undrstand this portion.
slug venom into senseless hearts; - another good sentence- I got this.
Hope my review helps. Good luck!:D
"The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it
regularly went cuckoo."
-- Terry Pratchett, "Wyrd Sisters"



I AM NOT GOING "FULL COW" ON SOMEBODYYYYYY
— whatchamacallit