My friend was killed

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This poem is something I came up one morning and it speaks about the value that's the most important to me: animal welfare. I used some harsh language and pictures to show the bestiality of humans who don't care about what they do and how it might feel to their victims. The poem's about animals, but the message itself can be easily applied to any situation someone got hurt in.


My friend, the tiger,
Was killed by the people
Who enslaved his jungle,
By those shameless creatures.
He stood up for his home,
So beautiful, so lone...
And suddenly they shot him!
He was alive when skinned,
And was left in the jungle
Naked body of the tiger.

My friend, the elephant,
Was killed by the poachers.
Like the midnight assailants,
Like the blood-stained butchers,
Like unforgivable sins--
They cut through his skin
The color of sea at dusk,
They cut off his majestic tusks,
And all deaf to his moans,
They ripped out his bones,
And didn't notice his trunk
Reaching hopelessly to the sky.

My friend, the deer,
Was killed by the hunters.
In his forest they appeared,
They took away his antlers,
They took away his pride--
And sawed off his head as he woefully cried.
And they took all his muscles to cook them in a pot,
And all that remained was just carcass left to rot.

My friend, the she-bear,
Was also killed today.
For the babies she wanted to cover,
She tried to scare them away.
Now those poor kids are dying
Because of starvation and cold
Since her lifeless body
Is so icy and void.

And I? I'm just a human girl,
Who thinks of her friends in more humane way,
Who understands their loss and their pain,
And knows those murders have to stop one day.
I'd like this to be known by every damn man,
But I'm just a girl and I do what I can:
My bones to the elephant I give,
To the tiger I give my skin,
To the deer I give my muscles and head,
My warmth and milk to the little bears.
I rip off my own chest and give all me away,
And the humans? They receive my hate.
Last edited by VolfnessWhiter on Fri Sep 09, 2011 2:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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And I? I'm just a human girl,
Who thinks of her friends in more humane way,
Who understands their loss and their pain
And knows those murders have to stop one day.
I'd like this to be known by every damn man,
But I'm just a girl and I do what I can:
My bones to the elephant I give,
To the tiger I give my skin,
To the deer I give my muscles and head,
My warmth and milk to the little bears.
I rip off my own chest and give all me away,
And the humans? They receive my hate.
Thats the best part I just love this right here




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Hi there Volf, glad to see you're gettin' around the site well! ;)

By those shameless creatures.
This line is a little vague. It took me two readings to understand that you were talking about the humans (that's is what you're talking about, right?). So, you might want to try and clarify a bit.

And left was in the jungle
Try to clarify this? Or mix around the words a bit to be 'And was left in the jungle'.

Naked body of the tiger.
This is a great line. :)

Like (I took out the word 'the' that was here) blood-stained butchers,


The color of sea at dusk,
Awesome imagery here.

And all deaf to his moans,


My friend, the she-bear,
Was also killed today.
For the babies she wanted to cover,
She tried to scare them away.
Now those poor kids are dying
Because of starvation and cold
Since her lifeless body
Is so icy and void.
This is a good stanza but because it's not as long as the rest it makes the rhythm a bit off. Also, what is 'void' supposed to rhyme with?

Who understands their loss and their pain,


I rip off my own chest and give all me away,


And the humans?
They will receive my hate.


Great job with this!

Other than the purple or bold things that I pointed out above I thought this was an awesome poem.

Your imagery was amazing, your word structure was really good, and I loved your emotion in this.

Beautiful job!

Keep writing,
Just
"Just remember there's a difference between stalking people on the internet, and going to their house and cutting their skin off." - Jenna Marbles

~ Yeah I'm letting go of what I had, yeah I'm living now and living loud ~



Once you have read a book you care about, some part of it is always with you.
— Louis L'Amour