Missing You

You're in my heart so strong and steady,
like a butterfly in the meadow,
or like a cat with a mouse,
I have this feeling like I cant
get you out of my head
No matter how hard I try,
So lost and confused,
having NO clue what to do,
all I have been Saying is,
I really am MISSING YOU

You're in my heart so strong and steady,
like a butterfly in the meadow,
or like a cat with a mouse,
I have this feeling like I cant, < Don't need this comma
get you out of my head, < No comma needed again
No matter how hard I try,
So lost and confused,
having NO clue what to do,
all I have been Saying is,
I really am MISSING YOU

*Sigh* I know how you feel, I'm missing somebody too, unfortunately, and it's definitely not something I'm used to. This was a pretty good poem, but I felt like it could've been even stronger. I think you could extend this further and grasp more of a concept. I suppose my biggest complaint is the way it ends, just because 1) the smiley weakens it and 2) it sounds a little angsty. But overall, I definitely know where you're coming from and I feel you, this hurts. </3
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

I plan on making it longer but first I have to think of what I want to add...but thanks

Hello!

Okay, first of all, I have some nitpicks. So here goes:

jolene15 wrote:or like a cat with a mouse.

get you out of my head.

I would think that a full stop is much better suited than a comma in the lines that I quoted above. It just gives the line that sense of finality. Where as with the comma, when I had first read it, I had kind of expected that the sentence will keep continuing, but it hadn't. That ruined the flow a tiny bit for me. So, I'd suggest replacing them with full stops.

I have this feeling like I can't

I think you forgot the apostrophe there.

Another thing I wanted to say about this poem is, there are some lines which had capital letters in the beginning, yet there are some that haven't got capital letters. Usually when I come across poems like this, the beginning hadn't been capitalised because the last line hadn't ended with a full stop. But with your poem, I can't really find a pattern of why some letters are capitalised and some is not. I would suggest either capitalise the whole first letters of each line or just capitalised the first letters of the start of the new sentences. To make it less confusing.

Onto something else, I find that I rather liked the simplicity of the poem and how you've managed to write such a beautiful poem in such a small amount of lines. So well done for that.

I have to agree with StoryWeaver13 about the end, I think that you have had such a great poem on the beginning, but the end was kind of a let down for me, because it looked a bit childish. Since you've put a sad face there, as well as the capital letters. I don't really find all caps all that powerful and effective. I think that its better to deliver the message and power through the words rather than the way the story is typed out.

Puntuation/grammar nitpicks and the ending aside, I liked the poem. It was short and beautiful. Well done!

Good topic choice. Everyone has been through heartache at some point and the best thing about this is that its easy to relate to. You could have used better grammer at some points of you piece but aprt from that it was short, sweet, easy to understand and a good poem.

Hey Jolene! ^^

Your poem was good but you missed out some things that has to be corrected.

Your poem:

You're in my heart so strong and steady,
like a butterfly in the meadow,
or like a cat with a mouse,
I have this feeling like I can't
get you out of my head
No matter how hard I try,
So lost and confused,
having no clue what to do,
all I have been Saying is,< Why is "S" capital there?
I really am missing you!

All in all, it was wonderful but too short I guess.
Try to add some things =)

Would give this a 8/10. (not because of the grammatical mistakes but the meaning of the poem.)
You could have expressed it a little more destructively.

Again, Great Poem & Keep Writing!

Love,
Cookie <3

I honestly like this poem because I can relate to what its like to still be in love with someone.
I kind of liked the structure of the poem but I felt like it could have been wriiten a little better. (sorry for being harsh)
We should exchange notes (if you don't mind) about our stories. I think it would be awesome to hear about some of your past experiences with this.
keep writing,
Rememberdecember

Ya me could do that rememeberdecember I dont mind