Innocent Little Kitten

Spoiler

Author's note: So...Um... Hai. It's been a while since I've posted anything, and I haven't really been doing anything but spending my writing time with stupid fanfictions. So, a few days ago, I slapped some sense into myself and wrote this. I don't like the third stanza, so feedback on that is especially appreciated! This was slightly based off of a name my friend called me. A decent, although rather confusing name. So, I over interpreted it. Sorry for the long Author's Note! Enjoy!

Innocent little kitten,
that's what they said,
for to them that's who she is.
Just a plain country girl-
Naiive,
Innocent,
Simple,
She would never be anything more.


Innocent little kitten-
is that all she is?
Never changing simplicity,
easily forgotten,
fading back-
back,
back,
back,
Into the shadow's of the past.


What if she want's more,
more than than to be just a memory,
to be seen as more than just a ball of fluff,
playing with some yarn,
to be more than just 'a kitten.'

Innocent little kitten-
that is who she is.
Good mannered,
Sweet,
Kind,
She will never tell a lie,
never stab a back,
never mutter a swear word.
She will always wear a smile,
whn everything else lacks.

Innocent little kitten,
who will always hold her tongue,
she has a reputation-
one she will uphold.
For she will stay a kitten-
Innocent,
Gentle,
Loving,
As long as forever is.

Wow. I absolutely love this poem. I can totally relate, being the little innocent kitten that was never thought of doing anything considered 'bad' in my little town. The one pretty much forced to be the good girl. Anyways, Great Job! The very last line is a bit strange, "As long as forever is." isn't forever-forever? so maybe you should just end it with forever, or as long as forever might be right. . . I don't know, but maybe you should just re check that. Other then that it all looks great!
-LLW

HI! I'm JT, and here and ready to review your work!

Sunshine wrote:
Innocent little kitten,
that's what they said,
for to them that's who she is.
Just a plain country girl-
Naiive,
Innocent,
Simple,
She would never be anything more.


Innocent little kitten-
#FF0000 ">is that all she is? #FF0000 ">Since the previous line ended with a hypen, this new one should start with a capital. I think xD
Never changing simplicity,
easily forgotten,
fading back-
back,
back,
#FF0000 ">back, I think two "Backs" would be enough.
Into the shadow's of the past.


What if she want's more,
more than #FF0000 ">than (Again? Rather usless here.) to be just a memory,
to be seen as more than just a ball of fluff,
playing with some yarn,
to be more than just #FF0000 ">'a kitten.' The placement of ' ' change an entire sentence. So, I think it should be more of a 'kitten' rather than 'a kitten'. Read them both aloud and you'll know what I mean.

Innocent little kitten-
that is who she is.
Good mannered,
Sweet,
#FF0000 ">(Add 'And' here.)Kind,
She will never tell a lie,
never stab #FF0000 ">a (a? How about "anyone's") back,
#FF0000 ">never (never is getting very repititive. Try 'nor') mutter a swear word.
She will always wear a smile,
#FF0000 ">whn (Someone ate their vowels for breakfast xD) everything else lacks.

Innocent little kitten,
who will always hold her tongue,
she has #FF0000 ">a ('quite' seems more appropriate here.) reputation-
one she will uphold.
For she will stay a kitten-
Innocent,
Gentle,
Loving,
As long as forever is.

Overall, I loved your ending. Very smooth. But, what got to me was that; there's not structure. The third paragraph - you could try inserting some emphaised words there as you did in the other paragraphs. I've pointed out your other mistakes up there ^ *point point* And I hope I didn't seem harsh. I didn't intend to
It was nice. A little rusty, but nice.

Also, since you've written some fanfics, I don't see what's wrong in that. FanFics rule! And I suggest you post them up in the FanFiction area ^^ Seriously.

-JT, over and out!

Cute. I do like this. I agree with you when you say the third stanza is off a bit, but I'm sorry, I have no suggestions for you. Just one little nitpick.

Innocent little kitten-
that is who she is.
Good mannered,
Sweet,
Kind,
She will never tell a lie,
never stab a back,
never mutter a swear word.
She will always wear a smile,
#FF0000 ">whn everything else lacks.

Just left an "e" out, there. That's all. Otherwise, this is really good! Keep writing!!