Confusion

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I had to write a poem for my creative writing class that was describing an emotion without saying the emotion in the poem, except for the title. Please critique as much as you can! :)


Sitting in a dark tunnel
limp with rags
I cry out into the abyss.

Anxiety of the unknown
shakes within my core,
shivering like a first kiss.

A sea of uncertainty,
drowning my courage and conceit,
killing my dream of confidence.

A tug-o-war of the heart
strings tearing and fraying
tomorrow’s possible fate.
Last edited by Confused.pirate on Tue Nov 22, 2011 11:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"The differences in life are what create the challenges which open the door to discovery."




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Here's my review.
I would say that the first two paragraphs do reflect the feeling of confusion.
But when you say
Confused.pirate wrote:killing the dream of confidence.

It seems to reflect a feeling of helplessnesss (That's only what I think. I'm sure everybody will have a different point of view) It's all about how much you're able to make the reader understand and interpret the feeling described here.
Confused.pirate wrote:ripping and tearing
the choices of tomorrow.

Here, when you use the word 'choices', it makes me think that there is a confusion in chosing something. (Good choice of words here.)
That's all I can say. Keep on writing! :)
You can wish for death... but you can't wish it away




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I wanted more. If there isn't a limit, I'd make it longer, if I were you. I like it lot, but I'm not sure if the first stanza describes confusion as well as the others. I really like the others. You have great metaphors and voice. It was confusion, but then I felt it was more specific than that, like it was a certain type of confusion if that makes sense? I felt it was a more subdued confusion, instead of a panicky confusion, if that makes sense. Usually when we think about confusion, we think about the latter and not the former like your poem did which makes it unique. I thought you did a really good job describing the former. Good job.
Hope this helps.
-tgirly
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