The before and after of slapping someone with a wet fish.

Spoiler

I've debated for a while whether to post this - it isn't really the best piece of work I've ever done, but it was written to cheer someone up and it did the trick! I'm well aware it's silly

I'm truly sorry if I gave you,
The wrong impression;
I am my own being,
Not your personal possession.

I like to go out,
Not just do what you say.
I have other friends too,
Tell me: is that okay?

No? What a shame!
How will I ever go on,
Without you to tell me,
All the times that I'm wrong?

I must do it now,
And in time you will see,
Just how very useful,
This hit will come to be.

It may not be pleasant,
But it needs to be done.
It will take you down a peg or two,
It isn't just for fun.

Yet you won't hear me complain,
It'll probably make me smile.
It'll be a chance to serve right,
A person cruel and vile.

Smack it goes around your face!
And then perhaps once again.
I'll try to knock some sense into,
Your little tiny brain.

You wipe your eyes,
You begin to scream.
I grin so broadly,
It's like a dream.

But wait, what is this?
I really do think,
There's a smell in the air,
You're starting to stink!

I can smell it again,
It's not sugar or spice.
It smells like wet fish,
It just isn't nice.

I think I will leave now,
But these last words I'll speak:
'Go take a shower,
You really do reek!'

Spoiler

I must admit I rushed the last stanza when writing it - I just wanted to send it. Any improvements on that are especially welcome!

Well hello.

Hm, it could just be me, but I didn't think the poem had anything to do with the title. Except for the wet fish part.

It did cross my mind will reviewing this that 'you' slapped the person you were questioning with a wet fish, but there wasn't anything that told me you did.

This isn't your work, Icy. If it was your work, it would usually have something to do with the title. Which it didn't. Your title gave me the impression of two people fighting and then one hits the other with a wet fish, and a very funny scenary after that. This was kind of a disappointment. Sorry.

But! It was funny, putting aside the randomness of it. So yay for that! Also, I think the last stanza ended perfectly fine, so don't worry about that.

I'm sorry if I've been a little rude.

-Sakhi

*EDIT= Also, you don't need a capital to start every line if the previous one ended with a comma. Edited version much better!

I got lost a bit at the beginning, too, but the other reviewer whose name I'm not bothering to check simply because I'm lazy was wrong about the poem not having anything to do with your poem. What throws the reader is that we expect you to start out with the fish--actually nonsensical, when I think about it, since you clearly titled it "The before and after", not The instance of slapping someone with a wet fish". Also, I think your title should have more caps, but I'm not sure. If you don't want to go the traditional, technically correct way, it's fine as-is.

*apologizes to Justtrying for not looking up their name earlier*

I'm truly sorry if I gave you,
The wrong impression,
I am my own being,
Not your personal possession.

Woah! Too many comma's here. You should make it two sentences--two lines each, without commas--instead.
(This goes for later stanzas, as well. Shall I call you commagirl? ;3)

It'll be a chance to serve right,
A person cruel and vile.

I don't understand the wording here. It seems awkward to me, but I know how hard it can be to restructure something while still saying the same thing and making it rhyme.

Smack it goes around your face!
And then perhaps once again.

This threw me for a moment, and is probably part of the reason Justtrying thought your piece was so random. You should offset "smack". It doesn't matter how-- You can *offset* it, -offset- it, offset it...... etc. I'm sure you get the idea by now.
Also, you could actually use a comma after "then", and another one after "perhaps", but this is something of a stylistic preference, so it doesn't matter as much. (You should remove the one comma you do have, though. (!) )

Aaannnd I actually liked the last stanza. As a whole, this sounds sorta Dr. Suessy, like a kid's poem. I like it.

Sooo..... thanks for sharing it with the world!

Hello there!!

Well, now, this poem made me laugh. I'm sorry, it did. I'm not sure if it was meant to, but it did. As soon as I read the title, I immediately wanted to read it just to see what it was about. The entire time I was reading it, I pictured the narrator standing with a wet fish in hand, preparing to slap somebody in the face, telling the person they'd be better off after they'd been slapped with a cold, wet fish. It was absurd to the point of it being hilarious. I loved it.

The poem itself isn't incredibly impressive to me. It's the idea of the poem that I liked. The poem is very simple and blunt about the point it's trying to make. Actually, now that I think about it, the poem goes along very well with how I would picture the wet fish wielder talking. After all, somebody who would slap somebody else in the face with a wet fish probably isn't too concerned with imagery or metaphor, haha.

Nice work!!! You made me smile!!

Keep writing!!

It started out serious but then someone gets slapped with a fish...I LOVE IT! Serious then funny. I like the title tool strange and unique! I'm not very good with poems so I can't really critic it soooooo yea

This is really good! I love this poem and what you're doing! Keep writing stuff like this. I was instantly caught when I read this.

But I have one question to ask you:

If this person getting smacked is/was a friend (from the "I have other friends too" so I assumed this person's a friend), why is the narrator being so harsh on some clingy buddy?

Keep writing!

This is just epic!

Hello! I love the poem. It is something optimistic and humorous I can't really criticize it since I already find it good. Just keep writing! Thumbs up!

I LOVE THIS. Not much else to say.

hi... So whether it was related to the title or not...it was FABULOUS!! I just loved reading it.. so much fun. And it was so Funny!! Brilliant job..!!
Harshita:)

Okay, I just have to say, I really like this poem. It was very fun to read and made me smile, especially that last part! I also liked the title, it was very unique and attention grabbing, plus it fit with the tone of you poem in a very particular way. "The before and after of smacking a person with a wet fish" is just such a funny mental image and like I said, unique ...in fact this whole poem was awash in uniqueness, I think that whats I loved most about it. Its different but in a good way, if you know what I mean...


Um...just clear up, the person being slapped is a girls controlling boyfriend right?

I really enjoy the title of this work. Just thought I'd let you know.

An entertainingly funny and rather random poem. The original and quirky title grabbed my attention immediately. My only question is how the wet fish ties in with the rest of it - I couldn't really see any metaphorical links. If it was just done for humorous purposes, or what one character feels like doing to the other, then it was well done since it wasn't exaggerated. My only nitpick is that you should have used a contraction here, to keep the pace flowing since there are too many syllable sin a single verse:

It may not be pleasant,
But it needs to be done.
It'll take you down a peg or two,
It isn't just for fun.

Other than that, a good, solid piece of work.