Living

I stand bravely at the top if the hill,
Pushing forward with silver poles.
I shove past everyone,
Wind streaking past my cheeks.
Turning them from tan to red,
The white powder turning to blue.

My heart beating so loud I think they can hear it,
A strange wild feeling in my chest.
I start to slowly ski downward,
Powder flying through the air.

I jump into the sky angry and happy at once,
Spinning into nothingness.
The world fading into a blur,
Joy becoming part of me.
My heart burning with the pride,
My coldness melting away.

I lean from left to right,
Picking up momentum at once.
The skis become part of me,
Like I was born to do this, just this.

I race down at alarming speeds,
Shooting past people and watching them fade into nothing.
I soak in the power,
Letting it drench me in it's glory.
Risking everything for nothing,
Because adrenalin is taking over.

Let your pain be handed over,
To the mountains and the landscape.
Let them take care of your problems,
Why don't you just relax?

Hi there!

My corrections/comments are in purple below:

DreamingForever wrote:I stand bravely at the top if the hill, looking down,
Pushing Then I push forward with the silver poles.
Gaining speed and shoving forward,
Wind streaking past my cheeks.
Turning them from tan to red,
The bright colors bursting into rainbows. I love the imagery here!
My heart beating so loud I think one they can hear it,
The wild feeling in my chest.

The triumph and glory so powerful,
Powder flying through the air.
I jump into the sky angry and happy at once,
Spinning into nothingness.
The world fading into a blur,
Joy becoming part of me.
My heart burning with the pride,
My The coldness melting away.

I feel something for once,
I feel like I'm I am living. The words 'I am' here flow better.
I feel like everything was meant for me,
Like the world is fun and
Life can be worth living,
Everyday is a gift and insert comma here not a chore.
Each moment is better than the last,
Everyday something powerful and exciting.

I smile and laugh,
This is what life is all about.
Every turn, swift and steady,
When I am about to fall I catch myself.
When I am about to cry I stand up again,
And I keep moving forward, never regretting. I love these three lines! Very powerful.
I will be happy and live, I tell myself
As I pull in at the end of the track.

Overall I really like this poem. You did a good job expressing your feelings in this, rather than just describing your ride down the track. I like your imagery and this flows well. Feel free to ignore what I corrected. I just went through and fixed anything that I thought sounded weird or out of place awkward to the reader.

Keep writing!

Hi! This is a very nice poem! I have never been skiing/snowboarding, but this takes me there and makes me feel it.
As for corrections, I don't see anything that Noelle didn't already cover.
Keep writing!
Sage

Hi there! (again)

I don't want to say this is much better because the original was good too, but this is great! I'm impressed that you went back and edited it!

Here's one little spelling error, which is probably just a typo:

I stand bravely at the top if of the hill

I soak in the power,
Letting it drench me in it's glory.
Risking everything for nothing,
Because adrenalin is taking over.

This part is really great. You have good description here, really showing the reader exactly how you feel. I especially like the last two lines that I underlined. It's pretty cool how you told us what was happening and then told us why it was happening. People might think, well, why would you risk everything like that? and then you respond, it's not really me, I'm running totally off of adrenaline! Yeah, that part is cool.

Overall I enjoyed reading both your original and this version. In this one (the edited version), you did a good job keeping some lines from the original and adding in something new. Good job!

Keep writing!