Trojan Horse

The Trojan horse stood tall and proud,
so beautiful in the sun.
Did my heart ever beat so loud,
for you had certainly won.

You won the day,
you won the girl.
But in the horse was all decay,
despite its mane and curls.

Gleaming in the golden rays,
did you catch me by surprise.
But soon over the happy days
as I met my demise.

You pillaged and burned
after you entered my strong walls.
Too late did I learn
to never, ever fall.

This is a really incredible poem! The emotions conveyed are clear, and the language is truly beautiful! The word choice here really made it fabulous. I'll try to be nit-picky, but I'm not sure exactly how nit-picky I can be with this poem, there really aren't mistakes.

The Trojan horse stood tall and proud,
so beautiful in the sun.
Did my heart ever beat so loud,
for you had certainly won.

Great beginning! I always look for the big something in the beginning that makes me want to read it, and while I can't place what exactly it was, this certainly stole my attention! It had me latched onto the story from the first word. The third line is my favorite, it's written extremely well and goes perfectly here.

You won the day,
you won the girl.
But in the horse was all decay,
despite its mane and curls.

First two lines were great, so were the second two. That's all I can say, because they were! This is the part that really made the story you were telling clear. This is my favorite stanza, purely because of the fourth line, which I totally adore! Fabulous word choice.

Gleaming in the golden rays,
did you catch me by surprise.
But soon over the happy days
as I met my demise.

Another great stanza. Usually, I would frown on using "but" as the first word in a line, but it seems to fit very well there! Also, I really like the word demise.

You pillaged and burned
after you entered my tall walls.
Too late did I learn
to never, ever fall.

More very moving words here. My second favorite stanza. "Pillaged" is a really unique word, and it's difficult to incorporate into poems, but you did so beautifully! The last line is perfect closure to the rest of the poem, and really makes the mood real solemn.

Overall, I loved this poem!(Obviously. I couldn't find anything bad to say about it.) You have really awesome vocabulary and technique. Plus, you kept up one rhyme scheme without making it seem forced whatsoever, and the phrasing didn't falter once. Props, and I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!!

Hello there!!

I like this poem. It's simple, but you still embellished it with details that made the story you were telling come to life.

You pillaged and burned
after you entered my tall walls.
Too late did I learn
to never, ever fall.

I'd have to say that this is my favorite stanza. The only thing I'd change about it is the word "tall". You used two vibrant verbs in the first line, and to use such an average adjective like the word "tall" seemed a little flat to me compared to the rest of the poem. If you would've found a different word to use in the place of "tall", this stanza would've been perfect to me. But that's just my opinion. Writing's about being true to yourself, and if you like the word, then you should stick with it.

Great work!!! Keep writing!!