Let me know if you want the rest.Eight days ago…
My life has always been a somewhat potential to be great. Every moment is like a trailer for the new action movie, you’re all hyped up, but you just don’t have the full effect because you still don’t know the story. You just saw the commercial. My life is a theatrical trailer.
I will try to cut this one a little short, considering you probably have other things to do than read my dismal tale. Well, mostly dismal. Let’s start with the evening I came home. Rather, the other home.
Cool air brushed the skin on my arm as I opened the car door. Aaron and James leaped from the back seat, ecstatic to see Mom. Naomi followed behind reluctantly. Each step I took closer to the place seemed more and more like hers. Neither of us really wanted to be there. Nothing had changed since David had moved in. If anything, things were worse because not only were there wine bottles stacked up under the sink, there were beer cans and cigarettes socializing on the back porch too.
To kids life must seem more magical. Mysterious. I always used to say kids seemed like they’re high. Everything they see is so interesting and mesmerizing. The noises that come out of their mouth are also strange too. Have you ever just listened to the sounds kids make? I want to laugh just thinking about it. So to them, mom’s house was just as warm and comforting as an old teddy bear. Neither one noticed the burns on the carpet, or the bottles strewn everywhere, even the menthol smell of the walls didn’t phase them. They simply skipped along past the trash and the clutter up to their room. I followed in awe.
“So what do you wanna do?” A familiar voice tugged on my ear. “I mean, we can just sit and watch t.v. if you want.” Josh was my ex, one which I actually thought was still pretty cool.
“I mean, the boys need something to eat,” I replied, spinning around, “wanna run out with me?”
The question was rhetorical. He’d driven an hour to see me, of course he was going. Naomi assumed her position on the couch, her blond hair tangled and her blue eyes distant. She honestly could care less what we did. Watching the boys was like breathing to her. Instinctive.
Josh had a strong hand. He liked to be in control. That’s one of the things I liked about him. He just handled shit.
“Want me to drive?” I figured he’d had enough driving.
“It’s cool, I got it.” I replied.
My dad’s black Durango was so much easier to drive than my truck. Plus we were just going around the corner. The old neighborhood brought back some memories. Good and bad. Mostly of last semester. Those days of just school and work. I barely had a social life then. I don’t think you could even say I have a social life now. But I didn’t really care. I’m not really what you call a people person. Don’t get me wrong, I have friends, just close friends though. Unlike my sister.
“So you leave tomorrow?” I spoke. The air was a little awkward. Our last visit left things in a weird place. The whole friend thing with ex’s rarely works out, trust me.
“Yup. Can you come help me pack?”
“Nah, Naomi has surgery tomorrow.”
“But it’s my last day…”
“I know. I’ll ask, but we already know the answer. Plus my mom doesn’t really like you.” I chuckled.
Josh wasn’t one for speaking. He seemed to get caught up in saying the right thing at the right time. I didn’t mind it though. I had shit to work on too. No one’s perfect. Although, today, he seemed a little more perfect. More put together. Maybe it was the whole getting ready to head out for college deal. I liked it. His old smile flickered as I caught him staring. I wondered what he was thinking about behind those big brown eyes.
Josh wasn’t a jock but he was defiantly toned. Ever since we broke up, the gym had been his home. It was his way of forgetting about us. At least trying to forget. If you couldn’t tell, I’m the one who did the breaking up. Between the distance and my constant need for a change of pace, things just weren’t working for me. He never understood. How could I have expected him to? Every time we talked about our past he’d always ask questions about what I was thinking at the time. Every time we saw each other it seemed more and more redundant. Mechanical.
He shifted, reaching for his pocket as I took the turn from my neighborhood. Josh always, always, had a pack of 5 gum on him. Green to be exact. Every time I chewed it, memories came streaming in. Concerts, movies, boats, swimming, soccer, everything we used to do filled my head like a balloon. Even the smell of him opening the wrapper was enough.
“Why are you going five under?” he broke my train of thought. Josh’s motto was that the speed limits were only a suggestion. The cops seemed to say otherwise, but on a ‘no ticket’ streak, he seemed to have his point made.
“Just being cautious,” I replied. “Naomi’s friend died in an accident last week.”
No response but a nod.
He was never good with words.
The store was nearly empty as I weaved through the isles. Mom’s old habit of buying doughnuts when there was no food must be in my genes because I grabbed a dozen. I knew by the look on Josh’s face he didn’t approve, but he was basically an only child and never had to worry about shit like that. I only had twenty five dollars for the day and I needed to make it last. Now we were down to twenty. Josh offered to pay but I denied him. Even when we were dating I never let him pay for everything. We usually split it even stephen.
The conversation went on as we walked back to the car. Mostly about his major and how much his mom missed me. Must have been around eleven thirty when we got back. My mom had shot me a text:
Leaving at 2. C ya soon.
I didn’t reply. She had no idea Josh was visiting so I figured I’d just enjoy the time we had instead of texting. The rest of his stay basically consisted of us kissing and watching t.v. No, I’m not a slut, I was dealing with shit and messing around with someone I was comfortable with helped me forget. Another one of my mother’s traits. Though I don’t cheat. That I detest. So I choose to be single until I find the right guy. Unfortunately all the wrong ones seem more convenient.
Lucky me.
