Everyone Judges Me Right

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Right? Everyone
judges me while
I’m sleepin’, spewing
lies like concrete webs
unbroken with time
or money.
Spaces command me
into nothing is to be ashamed
of as far as
everything’s solid? Right?
Well, if a cat has 9
lives to spend then
why does it meow when
it’s starving? Outside
my window another
one calls me out but I
just sing, nothing
and sleep. Everyone
judges me while I’m dancin’ but
I’m just dancing –
and I’m just sleeping
in fire; burning
in ice and
savoring sweetness.
Last edited by MUCHO on Sat Sep 03, 2011 5:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"This is our decision,
to live fast and die young...
Yeah it's overwhelming,
but what else can we do?
Get jobs in offices and
wake up for the morning commute?

The models will have children,
we'll get a divorce,
find some more models;
everything must run its course!

Fated to Pretend




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Oh my God, I love this! Your language was absolutely perfect, with great imagery. I liked the part about spinning concrete webs of lies. It was pretty epic. And the line where you ask about why cats care if they starve when they have nine lives was pretty good, too. I didn't really find anything wrong with it, other than maybe that you should try to make the lines more balaned with syllables. Keep up the good work.
"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known..." A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens.




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Gender Female
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Reviews 1417
Hi there!

Spaces command me
into nothing is to be ashamed
of as far as
Everything’s solid?

These four lines are confusing to me. Honestly, I'm not really sure what you meant by this.

Overall this is a good poem. You have a good flow and you used powerful words. You put good emotion into this. I really like the part where you talked about the cats. Good job!

I'm sorry if this wasn't very helpful. Keep writing!
Noelle is the name, reviewing and writing cliffhangers is the game.

Writer of fantasy, action/adventure, and magic. Huzzah!

* * *

"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done." -- Steven Wright

YWS is life




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Points 3149
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This poem was really interesting it was one of those poem where you interpret what it means to you, or that's at least how I read it. I thought it flowed well even though it kind of went off in different directions I was able to enjoy it. I like the comment about a cat with nine lives when why does it meow when it's hungry. I thought that was very creative thinking!
Well, if a cat has 9
lives to spend then
why does it meow when
it’s starving?
By far my favorite part of the poem, good job on this piece, it will definitely give me things to think about.... *watches my cat* :)
Peace,
Snickerdooly
"Characters cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." Helen Keller



One is not born, but rather becomes a woman.
— Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex