Two Bats in a Cave(2)

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Three days earlier…

I pleaded him with my eyes, folding my hands under my chin, a silly grin on my face. He had to take it. Like bait on a fishing hook.

He continued to stare blankly at the endless sheets of paper in front of him, scratching his neck in consideration.

“It will work, Daddy. I know it will.”

His dark blue eyes tore themselves from the kitchen table to land upon me.

“I can do it, all you need to do is help set it up. It will be easy.”

He pursed his lips, drumming his fingers on the dark wood. I knew he agreed with me one hundred percent. He was just taking the time to make sure there weren’t any flaws in the plan I had presented.

Finally, he spoke. “So you want to just stroll right in on them, hope they kidnap you, play dumb for a while, and oh so gently coax them into daylight?”

I nodded eagerly. It was perfect.

Yet he still sighed, conflicted.

I pulled out a wooden chair that buzzed as it scooted across the floor. I sat down and put on a down-to-business face. “So Daddy,” I cleared my throat professionally. “Detective Warner, you agree that by simply charging the scene and taking care of business you will only cause more harm than necessary, am I right?”

He gave a sharp nod. His eyes had that sparkle, the one that shines when he watches his daughter’s brilliant mind start to roll.

“And I agree with that theory, considering the situation. A crime hasn’t taken place, nor has anyone been harmed. There is no immediate threat to anyone, which doesn’t call for a rushed imposing. The “Bat Twins” are a runaway case. You know I have a soft spot for runaways. And you know runaways are usually set on avoiding home at all costs. That being said, it is still necessary to take some form of action, which is where my plan -”

“I know, I know.” He mumbled, brushing the papers in front of him aside. “It’s intriguing, Pen. Really, it is.”

I almost frowned at his tone. “But?” I asked.

He sighed again, the sigh that says I’m still young for his kind of job. “It’s just a risk, an idea that I have to work with a little.”

That was his way of saying my idea was out of the question.

I lifted one of my legs and sat on it in the chair. “What’s wrong with it? I’ll be fine, you’ll know where I am. We’ll obviously be out of contact for a few days or so, but -”

“That’s what I worry about.” He interrupted again.

A smile tugged at my lips. He was humoring me. “Dad, they’re only boys.”

“Teenage boys.” He corrected, emphasizing the extra word. “You don’t know what they’re capable of. They could have weapons, they could hurt you…I’d rather have someone else do it.”

“I know how to defend myself.” I reminded him. “Freedom is a knee cap to the groin.”

He chuckled. “That’s my girl.”

I leaned back, satisfied. “You see? No big deal. And I have to do it. If you send in some old fart it will never work. But I‘m a kid too, they can relate.”

“What if they refuse to leave?” He challenged.

I huffed. “Nobody refuses me.”

He pressed his lips together into a line.

I leaned across the table, reduced to begging. “Daddy, it’s me.”

“If anyone can do it, it’s my daughter.” He admitted.

“So can I do it?”

A tiny smile remained from the chuckling. “I’m sure they’ll follow your pretty face right into the police car.”

I rolled my eyes. “You know I have no time for that. It’s not worth it.”

It was true. When I was six, my mother left my dad because she felt she wasn’t his main focus. He was always busy with different cases, different mysteries to solve. I loved it. I guess Mom didn’t.

“I’ll think about it.” He decided, pushing his chair away from the table. “But right now I’m starving. What shall we have for dinner?”

I folded my arms smugly. “I vote pizza.”

He literally jumped at the phone on the wall. “Agreed.”

. . . . . . . . . .


Bryce began to toss a tennis ball in the air to himself.

I let my eyes follow the green ball like a dog, nearly slobbering on myself. I took a moment to remember the story behind all of this, the reason why the brothers were living here. I had to wait for them to tell me to make it sound legit, but it didn’t hurt to familiarize the face with the story.

He abruptly paused his game of catch, staring back at me.

I raised my eyebrows.

“Do you want to play?” He wondered, tossing the ball from hand to hand.

I opened my palms, facing him.

The ball bounced once before falling neatly into my fingers.

It was a brand new ball, and it still smelled like it. I turned it around in my fingers for a few short seconds.

“You’re supposed to throw it back.” Bryce said, smirking subtly.

I rolled my eyes on purpose and shot it back at him without letting it bounce on the ground.

We went back and forth a few times until Bryce decided to keep it to himself when Kyle returned, grimacing at our game. Probably at me as well.

“Stop playing with her like she’s a puppy.” He spat, setting down a plastic bag he’d brought back with him.

“Stop yelling at her like she can’t hear you.” Bryce retorted, throwing the ball back to me.

“I thought I told you to tie her up again?”

“She’s not going anywhere, Kyle. It’s pitch black out there.”

“She found her way in, didn’t she?”

I realized how much of a burden I was becoming. They were starting to turn against each other, I could sense it. That was good, it meant that one of them would crack. I didn’t know how long I could last in this cave.

I tossed the ball to Bryce when he looked at me again.

They were very sensitive to the subject, afraid that I would tell someone they were here. If only they knew they were already figured out.

I watched casually as Kyle took items out of his bag, things like cereal bars and chips. It looked like he openly went food shopping.

“How’s Jill?” Bryce asked.

Kyle’s tone was very different. “She’s alright.”

“Who’s Jill?” I wondered, accidentally aloud.

“No one you need to worry about.” His tone changed back just as quickly.

I ignored him, letting my mind work it’s magic. He wouldn’t just walk into the nearest supermarket if they were hiding in a cave. So he must have gotten the food from someone else acting as an accomplice. This “Jill” is probably the name that fits. And since his tone was much less aggressive, I assume that she’s someone he cares about. A girlfriend, maybe.

“If you were polite, you would give up your mattress tonight.” Bryce pointed out, bracing himself for a scolding from his twin.

“Fine, whatever.” We were both surprised by his answer. “But I get your bed.” He said, smirking at Bryce. It was the same smirk as before, the one that set me off edge.

I think I had made the biggest mistake an investigator could make.

I hadn’t known what I was getting myself into.
just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming...




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Hi hoagie, it's me again.

hoagie28 wrote: I think I had made the biggest mistake an investigator could make.

I hadn’t known what I was getting myself into.
What mistake, exactly? I'm sure I'll figure out what you mean by the third chapter, but this is confusing.


Woah. o_o So her walking into the cave and everything was all planned? Haha, nice; I wasn't expecting that!
This chapter is just as interesting as the first. I don't really have as much to say about this one, though. Sorry. :c
I'm just wondering...when will there be any character descriptions? I'd love to know more about what the brothers look like.

If you have any questions, PM me or leave me a message on my wall anytime! Keep on writing-

Kae
Perfect things in life aren't things.
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Hi, Hoagie!

So the first thing that popped into my head is that I absolutely love your character's voice. For some reason a lot of first-person stories I read, the main characters come off being irritatingly cocky or sarcastic, and your MC was refreshing to read. She has a good air of self-confidence, but not overly so.

Now! Let's get down to business.

His dark blue eyes tore themselves from the kitchen table to land upon me.


This is just a personal nitpick, so feel absolutely free to ignore it if you like! I just don't see why his eye color has any kind of influence on what happens in this scene. ;)

I pulled out a wooden chair that buzzed


Is it a cell phone!? I think "scraped" would be a better word choice here!

His eyes had that sparkle, the one that shines when he watches his daughter’s brilliant mind start to roll.


Okay, I kind of love this. I wasn't too sure about it at first, but like I said; your character has that self-assurance, and we already see at the end of the chapter that she's starting to question said brilliance. Gorgeous.

“Freedom is a knee cap to the groin.”


Haha! Love it!

It was true. When I was six, my mother left my dad because she felt she wasn’t his main focus. He was always busy with different cases, different mysteries to solve. I loved it. I guess Mom didn’t.


This strikes me as maybe a little bit of an info dump. Perhaps move it into a later part of the story, so that it doesn't come off as so jarring to the reader? Just my opinion, though!

Bryce began to toss a tennis ball in the air to himself.


The sentence makes sense (ehehehehe) but comes off as a little awkward sounding. Maybe reword it a bit?

Like I said in the beginning of my review, I absolutely LOVE her voice. Very refreshing indeed.

If you have questions at all about my review, please drop me a line on my wall, or shoot me a PM. I'd love to help more!

Sachi
"Funniest Member -- Sachiko. Secretly the devil. Do not engage. I repeat, do not engage." -- Iggy

"Behold ye babes of grammar: the goddess Sachiko. She does what she wants." -- Lauren2010



sometimes i'm like "I should say something quotable to make it into the quote gen" but then I feel bad because quote gen quotes are very spontaneous
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