Faith

Spoiler

This is more a self reflective poem than a religious one. For those who are having trouble finding finding the plot line, Its a about the moment I stopped believe in 'religious institutions' ( I still believe in God, I know it makes no sense). I was on a school trip and a christian girl asked me what my religion was and I said 'christian but not baptized'. She a bit of a bully ( she was and still is a terrible self righteous person) and began to ridicule me. I realized the hypocrisy of it all and started my journey away from religion.

They say faith is blind, blinder than the
love which captures us all. Enthralling
to the very last moment until I step

into that store. With her. Faith
died, swallowed by the hypocrisy
of the masses. Lining up for cheap

forgiveness like I once did. Like that girl
still does. Youth is like dawn, golden light
only to be cleared with the ruthless

stab of day. She was the one who
stabbed me. That evangelistic hatred
protruding from my left side. Like

the one I had admired for so long. I didn’t
know what I was but I knew what I believed
She said what I was not, that I didn’t

believe. Your not, your not, your not
what I am. Unbeliever segued into
mockery and mockery segued into

her self righteousness. Blacked
faith tumbled like Sodom, a pillar
of truth that formed within my

mind, sweet salt rubbed into the
wounds she cut, in the name of her
hatred, in the name of her pride, I

saw. For the first time I saw. The light
of day, that stabbed away darkness.
Into the light, the clear blue sky of hope.

The light of reason.


Sorry this is quite raw so I need so help. Thanks for reading .

I really really enjoyed reading this because I could connect to the poem and was drawn in by your words. I found the mixture of emotion and physical action satisfying.
You could benefit from using more juicy words sometimes- just a few dotted throughout would make the poem sparkle just that extra bit more.
Also, I think you're overusing the technique of cutting the line and continuing it on the next line. Don't use it too much- it's one of those things that's effective in small doses but it would be really good to have some of these lines on their own rather than jumbled up.
I think this is a fantastic portrayal overall though!

Your not, your not, your not

You're

Unbeliever segued into
mockery and mockery segued into

her self righteousness

"Unbeliever" seems to be something that is used or said, whereas mockery and self-righteousness seem to be judgements of the author. mabe unbeliver should be in "". Not really sure though,

Also, your use of the word s"egue" seems a little broad and it makes it difficult for this reader to understand how these three concepts relate. As I understand it, "segued" reflects a smooth transition between two related subjects and your use of them really emphasises the smooth transition and thorough connectedness between "her" insults and her own flawed attitudes. it could be that there are words that better capture this relationship though.

a pillar
of truth that formed within my

mind, sweet salt rubbed into the
wounds she cut

Very nice imagery.

For the first time I saw. The light
of day, that stabbed away darkness.
Into the light, the clear blue sky of hope.

The light of reason.

Maybe a comma after 'time" to emphasise "I saw" as a semi-independant idea?
I think you're re-using "stabbed" in a different way than you originally did, which associates a sense of betrayal with the revelation of truth. If this is intentional, well done, if it isn't maybe go with something like "cleared", which is admittedly less violent and perhaps not what you're looking for.

Also "Into", is it the darkness going "into", because it kind of isn't clear to me.

Sorry, this isn't up to the standard i'd usually aim for in a review, but poetry usually isn't my thing (in the sense that I feel that I stand on less firm ground when I state an opinion regarding it), I was just really engaged by how you dealt with the topic.

Hmm, you're good with this. I like how you've written the poem, lovely indeed.
In my opinion, I think it's better to combine all of the stanza into one to engage a better meaning.