Fast Mouth

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Gender None specified
Points 890
Reviews 15
That fast mouth,
I had one before.
The orange peeled hemisphere-
it closes you in
But I've known that before
If you watched the landscapes trickle away
would it ever be soon enough?

That fast mouth,
It wants you to hear it
at this moment
because tommorow means another
restless night,
But we've had those before.

That fast mouth,
The words written on your tongue
shown upside down.
You talk quickly.




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 688
You used a lot of awkward repitition:

I had one before.

But I've known that before

But we've had those before.


This is too short of a poem to use so much repitition. Also, the last line:

You talk quickly.


I've heard poems end like this before, but I don't really like it. It leaves the reader, me, with a sense of something incomplete and obvious - we understand the fast talking already (hence "fast mouth" is the title). I'd revise some of this.
Carpe Diem.



I cannot separate the aesthetic pleasure of seeing a butterfly and the scientific pleasure of knowing what it is.
— Vladmir Nabokov