Victoria Hava and The Stone of evil

MEEP MEEP MEEP! Victoria hit the snooze button on her alarm clock and decided to stay in bed. KNOCK KNOCK! Someone was knocking on her bedroom door. Then someone a slid letter under the locked door. 'Uhh!' Victoria going to get her weirdly sent mail. and went to the down kitchen.

Hey, you double posted this, and you’re underage!

Wait a minute, what is going on? A little more detail before can go a long way. It sounds like a good start, but some more background information would really help the reader out. Make it less confusing. Though it seems to be a good start.

Wait a minute, what is going on? A little more detail before can go a long way. It sounds like a good start, but some more background information would really help the reader out. Make it less confusing. Though it seems to be a good start

sorry i was doing homework.

...Okay, so what? Victora just hit the snooze button on her alarm. What? There was a knocking on the door. Now I am all confused. Should I be confused?

You still need a little work in clarity. I think that's where you missed it.

I am very confused with what is going on. It does seem to vague. Needs more detail and as someone said, clarity.

You're a tad too young for the site. Maybe you should wait till you're older to take on YWS. Then you'll have grew in your writing skills as well because it's just...it's not a bad bit of story it's just....not clear. I don't get it. I don't think I should review since a mod or admin will probably find out...

Hey goofysmurf!

Well, I have to say I'm a little confused. I can see this has been edited some 14 times, so perhaps there was once a full story here and for some reason you have removed it? Nonetheless, I'll see what advice I can give for what we have here.

MEEP MEEP MEEP! Victoria hit the snooze button on her alarm clock and decided to stay in bed. KNOCK KNOCK! Someone was knocking on her bedroom door. Then someone a slid letter under the locked door.

There's a lot going on here, but as a read we don't get to see very much of it. Who is Victoria? What is her purpose in this bedroom situation? Why does she decide to stay in bed? Who is knocking at the door? Does she live in a house with her family, or is she in someplace more public like a college dorm or an apartment? That's a lot of interesting story building things that a reader wants to know!

'Uhh!' Victoria going to get her weirdly sent mail. and went to the down kitchen.

First off, dialogue is formatted like this:
"Uhh!" Victoria said (or any other sort of tag like groaned, complained, etc)
Also, the rest of the sentence is a bit of a jumble. I think you're missing a few words. Maybe you want something like this:
"Uhh!" Victoria groaned as she got out of bed to get her weirdly sent mail.
Then, more questions arise! What was the mail? Did she read it before going down to the kitchen? Is it a meaningless note or something that really interests/concerns her? All of this stuff is what makes a story a story.

All in all, this could be a very interesting start to a story! There just ought to be quite a bit of expansion. Slow down and take some time to explain what happens, how Victoria thinks/perceives/reacts to it, how the world around her looks. Think about sensory imagery (sight, touch, taste, smell, and sound) and use that to further expand the readers experience in the story. Good luck!

Keep writing!

-Lauren-